Community Chat

[MoJoV]

I don't understand why your friend would even want marriage or moving in together.  At this age we have our finances pretty much fixed, we're pretty much set up in our own space.  If it were me the last thing I would want would be marriage. And Ive been happily married for a long time.

I would enjoy his company and enjoy going to our separate corners so to speak.  But everyone is different.

[michmi]

I think men in this age range have their pick of women who are willing to have endless relationships that don't involve any real commitment. 

When she seems to be healing and if she does talk about how she should go about a new relationship, I would gently suggest to her that if she truly is wanting to settle down and cohabit or even marry that she needs to be having that conversation at about the year mark after they are an exclusive couple.  She will save herself wasted years (and yes, I view the 4 years she spent as wasted because they were of 2 different minds and she is just finding out).

After a year, he will commit or run and she will have saved at least 3 years from this last experience.

[Goodie2shoes]

Thanks to all for your response,  my friend is doing pretty well, she has been trying to keep busy and she knows if she wants to talk I'm there for her,

[Hayfield]

Maybe she wanted to live together or get married all along and when he never mentioned it, she brought it up but she should've known he wasn't interested or he would've brought up after being together a year or two.  She was only wasting her time if living together/marriage was her goal, if that's what she wanted she should've stated that after a year or two.  Whether two people just date or live together or get married, they both should want the same things and that takes communication between the two people to know that.  One wanting something and just "going along" for years hoping the other will bring it up, well, that's when you're wasting time.  

I'm 66 been married for over 42 years and love my DH very much but if something happens to him,  I don't think I'd want to get married again.  I'm not cooking, cleaning or doing someone else's underwear.  Companionship, yes, living together or marriage, NO!   

Support her and listen to her, don't talk bad about the guy, they may get back together, you never know.  Just be her friend.

[busymom22]

From many relationships I have witnessed over the years, if a man in the senior age category wants to remarry, he will fairly quickly. Usually it's because he cannot stand being alone and wants a wife not only for companionship but to take care of him.

The fact that OP's friend dated this man for 4 years speaks volumes.  Clearly he was fine never marrying again.  Good that he was honest about it.

[suzyQ3]

Given the idea that older men might just want someone to be their housekeeper and nurse (if necessary), I think I'd not remarry. My husband and I would of course take care of each other, but we otherwise don't have such set ideas about women's role.

[KKJ]

I know a lady in her 50's--divorced and no interest in remarrying. She's been seeing a guy (divorced also with no interest in marrying again) for several years. I don't think there's a deep love there, just companionship and a "friends with benefits" situation.

[Deree]

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@busymom22 wrote:

From many relationships I have witnessed over the years, if a man in the senior age category wants to remarry, he will fairly quickly. Usually it's because he cannot stand being alone and wants a wife not only for companionship but to take care of him.

The fact that OP's friend dated this man for 4 years speaks volumes.  Clearly he was fine never marrying again.  Good that he was honest about it.

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^^^ THIS.