What kind of friend is this? - Page 9

IamMrsG · ‎08-29-2010

What kind of friend is this?

I was with her every step of the way.

I spent a lot of time getting her through this.

She left and never said anything to me. I was quite shocked.

I feel that she showed her true colors to me.

My feelings toward her will never be the same.

...should I have called her out on it?

I just can't believe she would do something like that to me.

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.

Reba055 · ‎06-23-2014

@hckynut wrote:
@Reba055 wrote:
@Moretofollow wrote:
@janinna wrote:
A friend of mine recently went through cancer treatment. I was with her every step of the way. I spent a lot of time getting her through this. She has recovered very well. I used to hear from her daily. I didn't talk to her for a few days, then I saw on Facebook that she and her sister and daughter had gone to Florida for two weeks. She left and never said anything to me. I was quite shocked. She called when she got back and she acted like nothing had happened. I didn't bring up the subject because I guess I feel that she showed her true colors to me. My feelings toward her will never be the same. Am I wrong or should I have called her out on it? We have been friends a long time and I just can't believe she would do something like that to me. You think you know someone.
I guess that is her way of saying she no longer needs you. I wonder why her sister or her daughter didn't take her every step of the way through her cancer treatments as you did. I know it takes an emotional toll on the caregiver and I'm sure you would have loved a vacation as well. But, it wasn't meant to be so maybe you should take a vacation with your loved ones and just forget about it. If her cancer comes back you may not be up for the challenge any longer which is understandable and just say you are not in the caregiving business anymore.
This is how is comes across to me too. There are some people that will take advantage of a kind, compassionate friend. She's not a true friend. She knew OP would see it on FB. It was rude and inconsiderate.

Really? When a person thinks they could die, informing friends never enters their mind. After working to survive? If like myself, total focus is on regaining Physical and Mental Health and physical fitness, not what I should tell friends. For many the Mental aspect takes much longer than the physical healing of very serious illnesses.

hckynut(john)

@hckynut Read the OP again. The friend told her about the cancer and the OP says she was there for her every step of the way, devoting much of the OP's time (and I would say energy). It's just weird that the friend relied on the OP during her crisis but as soon as it was over, took off on a trip with others. Pfft. Don't need you now or can't be bothered to even mention my trip.

I'm sorry OP, it is hurtful. I have experienced something similar when others have gone through illness, grief, or relationship issues. I was there for them, listening and consoling, sometimes to ad nauseum. But that's what they needed and I feel that's what friends do. As soon as they were better or over their crisis and I needed a sympathetic ear, they changed the subject, sometimes quite abruptly. It was hurtful. I listened for hours on end, you can't give me a few minutes? I'm not vengeful, but I certainly will not do that again for those "friends". They are still friends of mine and always will be, but I will control the amount of time I spend helping them through problems.

janinna · ‎07-29-2011

Thank you for all the replies. It is nice to get everyone's opinion. She has been my friend for 36 years. At one time she was my sister in law. I am in no means a clingy friend. I told her to call me to talk when she wanted to. By no means did I smother her. I guess I was disappointed that after her telling me everything going on in her life, that she wouldn't tell me she was leaving for two weeks. Even my husband asked me why the daily phone calls stopped, and I told him she was in Florida. He expressed surprise that she didn't tell me. As I have read here, I guess everyone has different expectations from their friends. Mine were just different from the majority.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

Hi Janinna! Glad to see you back. You can always let her know that you felt left out because it seemed so sudden. Nothing wrong with that. As I said earlier, your feelings matter. Maybe she just had no idea that she was leaving you to feel like that. Best!

goldensrbest · ‎03-10-2010

I would had been hurt also, because she never told you, but i would talk to her,and sort this out.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.

MadameQueen · ‎03-20-2015

@mima. You think your good friend has no life and you feel like you are bragging? Do you know how she really feels? Quite possibly she is happy and would not trade places with you just because she is single.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Janinna is a beautiful name/nic. Hope all works out well for both of you. .... Maybe a couple of steps forward will turn this into 'water under the bridge' (the past), so to speak.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@Reba055

I did read the whole post, several times. Maybe men look at these things differently, or maybe it's because I grew up being independent before my teen years. Have I ever had my feelings hurt? Of course, as recent as last October. However, that event effected not only myself, but over 50 other people.

I have helped many people on both the Critical Care and Heart Floors of my hospital as a Volunteer Patient Advocate. What did I expect in return? That maybe I helped lessen their fears of what lie ahead of them,

hckynut(john)

MadameQueen · ‎03-20-2015

@janinna. I think its very telling that she called you after she returned from the trip that didn't go well. It's like she contacts you when she needs a shoulder and is on the outs with her family. A trip for 2 weeks takes planning as well as shopping and packing. There is no way it was an accidental omission. Any sarcastic mentions of contracts, permission, or notification is nonsense.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@RazorSharp wrote:

The OP was reaching out to us, because she was hurt and looking for help with coping with her pain. The extent of her care or whether or not she was a PITA is not the issue. She came here looking for comfort and guidance, not an investigation into her character. Her friend's POV is inconsequential. This is about how the OP's feelings are valid, and how she should move forward.

@RazorSharp

The OP asked a question and I answered it with my opinion.

OP-"Was I wrong?

ME-"Yes

hckynut(john)