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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?


@LIndaMJ wrote:

Take control of your time, or someone will do it for you.


Isn't that the truth?!

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?


@nycgrl wrote:

That the only person I can count on is me!  


So true! So many people don't give of themselves...just put Number 1 first.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?


@Mmsfoxxie wrote:

Maya Angelou had a quote:  "When people show you who they are, listen".  

 

I've had to learn the hard way that it is so, so true.


So very true. I think we all learn this the hard way.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

@chickenbutt - yessss, being alone is very healthy for me and always has been. I like my own company, lol. But feeling alone knowing no one GA* is totally different.

 

Decades later, when my mom was being her usual judgmental self, I would mention a thing or two that she'd done as a child that hurt me. She could handle *one* comment, and even say she was sorry, though I never knew if she actually was or if she knew it was expected, so said it. BUT - if it was ever more than one thing at a time and/or hit a guilt-nerve, she'd get really pissed off, "Okay then, I guess I'm a horrible rotten mother/person", yadda yadda.  

 

When I was really angry at her passive-aggressiveness (she was a master - anything I know about p-a I know from her) I was tempted to agree with her, just to see what she'd do. Once I came close and we ventured into "Are you trying to give me a heart attack and kill me?!" territory. Classic. I reminded her that in this instance, SHE had brought the subject up, and maybe she should think a bit before she opened cans of worms, as she might not always appreciate the response ;-)

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?


@Newgate wrote:

Not everyone is as sincere as they may seem!  They could just have an agenda!!Woman Wink


Yes...and so many do. You learn to "read" people as you mature.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

[ Edited ]

That I am an imperfect human & that the only way I will get through all that is dumped on me in life is to confess my need for God and give it all over to Him. I do this every single day and He carries me through all of it. 

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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

[ Edited ]

@catwhisperer wrote:

@Ms X....very well stated.


Thank you, Catwhisperer.  Without going into detail, when I was younger I was extremely stubborn and felt a thirst for justice in the face of mistreatment.  I think many people feel this way.  When you are in the situation, I believe those traits help you to survive rather than knuckle under.  It helps you to psychologically separate yourself from the situation.  However, most people won't admit they were wrong even if objectively there's no question about it. 

 

Therefore, once you have distance from the situation you need to realize that what happened before can never be made right.  The strengths that helped you endure the bad situation work against you once you are out of it.  Only by accepting that there is no justice and it cannot be made right will you find peace.  It really took me a long time to realize that.  Maybe if I'd been seeing a shrink, the progress would have been much faster!

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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?


@Anita Hug wrote:

Mine is similar to yours, chickenbutt.  I still fall into those patterns of thought at times. I think one other thing I had to learn is to accept that I'll never get to have a different childhood. I'm stuck with the one I got.  I feel like there is always going to be something missing, and there isn't anything that can fix it.

 

So if I want to watch a Disney movie, or color in an adult coloring book, or blow soap bubbles, or insall a swing in the big tree in my yard - just for ME -  I no longer care what people think. 

 

I can't change the past, but there is no good reason why I shouldn't do do some of the things I missed out on. We're never too old to play. Smiley Happy


@Anita Hug ... I know what you mean. For me, I wonder who or what I would have become had I had a childhood minus all the trauma I went through. I'm glad that you no longer care what people think of you. That is a hard lesson to learn.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli
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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?


@Julie928 wrote:

Mine would be to let other's live their lives as they wish (no matter how messed up their situation may be).  I cannot control others (and have no desire to) but trust me when I say I could start another thread about the garbage people put up with and the amount of times I've asked myself "Why???"  It makes me sad to see people close to me putting up with emotional abuse but I've learned to keep my mouth shut ~ when I try to understand the situation I get excuses about why so-and-so is the way they are.  The resentment that should be on the abuser is then on me.  So now it is live and let live, tough as it may be...  :-)


@Julie928  That sure is a hard lesson to learn.  I'm a fixer and used to try to give people advice.  I've found that most people don't want advice.  They don't want to change things.  Maybe it's because they're getting payoffs for how they're coping.  I sure don't know.  But, one has to try not to keep spinning their wheels trying to fix things for others.

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Re: What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn in Life?

Moonchilde - Mine seemed to remember our childhood as picket fences and ponies.     It boggles the mind.  

 

For mine it was the self-loathing and I imagine a part of that, maybe for both of our mothers, they just probably don't want to have to actually face the fact of their own failures.    

 

So there is the victim mentality with her - ok fine, I'm horrible.  Yikes - well, yes you were but that's not where we're trying to go here.  hehe

 

I think for me the light bulb had to click in that I was not the problem so I could not fix it.  I tried a few times, until that last time with the letter, and I finally got it.  It will never be fixed.  Even if there could have been some 'going forward' kind of thing I could have been a part of that.  But she was not willing.    I don't even know if she is alive or dead.  I have a hard time not wishing her a painful death.  I know that sounds horrible, but I really do try not to think that way because I'm not one to wish ill-will on others.  With her - it's not so easy!