What is the Hardest Lesson You Have Had to Learn i... - Page 5

lulu2 · ‎03-09-2010

I've learned, when we lose a loved one and think we cannot go on, we can.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

"FAMILY" and "MARRIAGE" are just words!

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

MIMA wrote:
Biggest one is "Life's Not Fair".

A little one is "Haste Makes Waste". I used to hear that a lot and never thought about it. Now that I'm older I have figured out it is soooo true. If you hurry, you usually don't accomplish much or you have to do it over again.

I really relate to this one (bolded by me). Sometimes I have a hard time being tolerant with whining - some people just whine about every-freaking-thing like the world has just given them some kind of unfair kick in the butt and nobody else ever suffers.

I just want to scream that life is not fair and that's just the way it goes. Don't act so put-upon, I don't know - it sounds more 'not nice' than it really is.

We all have our hardships. It's just part of the package.

SilleeMee · ‎05-22-2016

Accepting the fact that I am a woman living in a man's world.

Yardlie · ‎03-10-2010

@chickenbutt wrote:
I think it was having a full (intellectual as well as emotional) realization that the horrible things being done to me throughout my childhood were NOT my fault.

That probably sounds rather silly. But you take stuff like that with you, even into adulthood, to a degree, and you have to put a lot of effort into not taking responsibility for the deeds of others.

It's not that you are carrying all that around with you (like a pity party), but your emotions carry the mis-information that, somehow, you must have done some, or not been good enough, that you deserved being treated horribly.

Hopefully, this made sense. I'm sure it does for some.

@chickenbutt ... I know exactly what you are saying. Those messages and thoughts about things you went through in childhood become ingrained into your psyche. Unless you've gone through it, you can't fully understand. It's part of who you are. My youngest sister told me to "get over it...It's childish to carry that with you." Alot she would know. She was a full decade younger than me, spoiled, and raised pretty much as an only child. She is now very narcissistic, extroverted, a party animal (drinks too much) and said she has no complaints about her childhood. Lucky her, but drinking too much and narcissism are not exactly attractive traits...but she can't see that in herself.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli

Catty2 · ‎09-06-2014

Life doesn't always turn out the way you thought it would. This seems to be bothering me more the older I get (in my 60's). Working on accepting there are some things in life I will never have, to accept it and be thankful for what I do have.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

Brinklii wrote:
chickenbutt wrote:
I think it was having a full (intellectual as well as emotional) realization that the horrible things being done to me throughout my childhood were NOT my fault.

That probably sounds rather silly. But you take stuff like that with you, even into adulthood, to a degree, and you have to put a lot of effort into not taking responsibility for the deeds of others.

It's not that you are carrying all that around with you (like a pity party), but your emotions carry the mis-information that, somehow, you must have done some, or not been good enough, that you deserved being treated horribly.

Hopefully, this made sense. I'm sure it does for some.
@chickenbutt ... I know exactly what you are saying. Those messages and thoughts about things you went through in childhood become ingrained into your psyche. Unless you've gone through it, you can't fully understand. It's part of who you are. My youngest sister told me to "get over it...It's childish to carry that with you." Alot she would know. She was a full decade younger than me, spoiled, and raised pretty much as an only child. She is now very narcissistic, extroverted, a party animal (drinks too much) and said she has no complaints about her childhood. Lucky her, but drinking too much and narcissism are not exactly attractive traits...but she can't see that in herself.

Oh - my goodness! Don't even get me start on 'get over it'.

You are so right - people who haven't been through it cannot understand at all that you ARE over it, but the unfortunate reality is that it becomes a fairly sizable part of who you are. It is ingrained so deeply that it affects - well, everything - from then on.

Obviously, we probably all work through it in one way or several. hehe - but we don't dwell on it so the tired old 'get over it' does no good at all and only incites anger. I have PTSD also, so I have gone in to a few rages in my day (not lately, as the psychologist i had for years gave me so many great tools) and I remember one time having something insulting said to me like that, and the next thing I knew I was pinned to the floor.

Apparently, as I was putting away groceries at the time, I started hurling canned foods at him. He didn't hurt me or anything but I was pretty much on a black out and he pinned me down until I came out of it.

He never said anything like that to me again!

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

I don't know whether it's the hardest lesson, but it's a lesson that took a long time to learn: Some things cannot be fixed. It's actually freeing to accept that things that happened in the past can never be set right. There will be no apology forthcoming and no justice will ever be done no matter how bad a person has been. It's the only way to put some things behind you.

I have people in my life with whom I've done this. It makes everything easier. I'll never forget what they did, but I concentrate on the present. My expectations of them are tempered by my memories of the past.