Community Chat

[jubilant]

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@cbrite wrote:

@jubilant  I have no real friends in real life...so no one asks me those questions, lol..... 

My sweet mother was (I guess) over weight...I did not ever see it... .... love does not see those things.... only sees the heart/soul.

IF I had a "real" friend I do not know what I'd say..... I did have a gal I knew for many years tell me she was tired of me only wearing black....she gave me a bright colored shirt..... I just did not wear it. Love me love my choices. I did thank her. 

When ppl lie for their own personal financial gain and say loving things or  to beef up your ego, that does not work for me. ://

...

(Forums are not really my thing. I prefer real ppl in person. And yes, some of the things on here ya never know....I need real at this time in life.) 🙁 And with this virus well...not gonna happen.

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Well, first of all, you need at least one good friend so I hope you find one. I would be glad to be your friend here. We have to learn to take people with a "grain of salt".  When we do that........ it makes us almost immune to sly remarks or even insults. I also prefer people in person but due to health issues, I have been confined to my home much of the time these past few years. Still,  we can invite people in when  we can't go out. I know, right now, with this covid...... that is not easy or even possible for some.

I'm not so sure why people are arguing about lying but hey, it's kind of interesting to see all the different view points!!! Ha! My feeling is "honesty is the best policy". If we think before we speak we can almost always answer honestly and in a way that doesn't offend.  Of course, on the other hand, there are always those people who are "too easily offended".  They will ask for your honest opinion and then get mad at you for giving it!  We all have our little quirks!

You bet....this virus is truely a challenge but don't give up hope.  We have the power to still have good moments in our lives in spite of it.         

[dooBdoo]

@jubilant, It's always refreshing, encouraging, and reassuring to read your posts.   Your faith is personified in the way you "talk" to us here, the way you move through this space, the respect and kindness you generously, consistently, instinctively, graciously give to others, with such warmth and light.  Thank you for the example you set.❤️

[dooBdoo]

Reading through the thread, so many posts on this topic are food for thought and some are deeply touching.   With this collection of good souls, wouldn't it be something if we could meet in person and have these chats.   I think it would be enriching, interesting, probably energetic and lively😉 at times and also sparked with humor and laughter.  (For some reason I can't "heart" with my iPad so I'll return later with my Mac.)  ​ Each time the subject is broached, it causes me to slow down and really give it careful thought.  I believe that "truth" is interpreted by each person in each case, our perception of it affected by situational, emotional, experiential, environmental filters, and I can't see that one simple, clear answer is the "right" answer.  In each case, there are at least 2 people in the communication, and they both have their own filters.   My simple thought about it is that if our intent is honorable and if the exchange allows all people to walk away with their dignity intact, perhaps that's a sign of we human beings doing the best we can in each circumstance.

[jubilant]

Awe, @dooBdoo .......such kind words. God has done a lot of changing and rearranging in me over the years. Without Him, I think I could have been a "real stinker"!  I really appreciate you and all you have been to these boards over the years.  I have learned much from you and your thoughtful insights and even your pain.  Thanks for being willing to share yourself.

[Sheila P-Burg]

@ECBG  ......  I am having trouble understanding the meaning in your post. Your second sentence would be cause for a "white lie". Though not in favor of anyone telling a lie there comes a time in our lives when the "white lie" may have to be said. 

As for judging. If a person intentionally lies then, yes, I will judge that person. 

Post #80 is a reminder why a lie is not acceptable.

[dulwich]

Of course lying is not a good thing we all know that I hope but depending on the circumstances....

I have 3 very old, dear friends who if they as for an opinion I know they want an honest opinion, good or bad and I know how they will react.  I think in U.K. we are more outspoken and say what we think.

I find here in U.S. when I was asked for opinions and gave them - being my opinions - I got into lots of ‘hot  water’ and upsets so... now e.g.  if asked say ‘do I look good in this’ I now respond something like -  ‘ Oh why do have to even ask that just look at yourself in the mirror’ laugh then change the subject.  No problems.

When I came to U.S.  I did/do not understand all this hugging and ‘love you’s’ to me not always genuine but is it a form of lying? Makes people feel good so be it.

I think it is horses for courses and I have learned how to answer without lying when necessary as some people ask by really do not want a truly honest answer and why hurt their feelings.

These are all everyday experiences I am talking but when I worked in medical profession, if asked, straight forward  honesty, kindly given, the only way.

[ECBG]

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@Sheila P-Burg wrote:

@ECBG  ......  I am having trouble understanding the meaning in your post. Your second sentence would be cause for a "white lie". Though not in favor of anyone telling a lie there comes a time in our lives when the "white lie" may have to be said. 

As for judging. If a person intentionally lies then, yes, I will judge that person. 

Post #80 is a reminder why a lie is not acceptable.

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@Sheila P-Burg "White lie" can have a wide meaning according to the user and how far they want to consider themselves blameless.

Ex.  A teenage girl tells her parents "boy 1" wasn't invited to the party when in fact  he stopped by and stayed several hours.  The girl considers that ok, technically he wasn't on the invitation list.

My  second sentence: A group of girl friends go out for lunch.  One of the girls has on something that doesn't really match.  She asks "do I look alright"?  

She liked the items well enough to put them together.  If the others answer and I can just smile, I will.  If she asks me directly, I will ask her why she doesn't like what she's wearing and discuss that.

At times when I get backed into a corner, I say "Personally, my preference would be to......".

If I ask a question, I'll ask directly.  I also don't embellish or fabricate.

[hckynut]

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@Styleovertrend wrote:

@jubilant Don't answer that question Horace!!!

@Styleovertrend 

Interpretation of the bolded word please. Actually, I am not getting your whole reply. Is that how you, never mind!

hckynut(john)

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[GenXmuse]

I've said, "it was great to see you," or "great to talk to you" or compliment some on their meal, when I didn't really mean it. I think that's part of polite society. 

[germanshepherdlove]

When someone asks me "how are you?" and I answer "fine," there have been times when I would be asked again, "no, realllllly, how are you?" and I again reply "fine." My answer wouldn't be entirely true nor would their interest in my life.