Community Chat

[JDJ555]

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@JBKO wrote:
My expectations? Months. At least 6.

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Jim Bob Duggar can probably find you someone to fit your expectations then.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@JBKO wrote:
My expectations? Months. At least 6.

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That's your choice, but I don't know of many men who are willing to wait that long.

Just be upfront about it, so that they know that it won't be happening any time soon, and to not get their hopes up.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@Melania wrote:

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@SydneyH wrote:

What decade are we in because OP's mother's advice sounds very dated........

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Are you the one who's sister lived with you and she had a BF that slept over a lot? 

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Yes, the o/p is that same person.

[Trinity11]

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@JBKO wrote:

This is meant to be a serious question. I haven't dated much at all. I've been lucky I guess because the males I have encountered have been gentlemen and not pressured me to do anything I don't want before I am ready. Unlucky for me I was not into them.  Honestly, I am old-fashioned and don't want things to escalate to a seksual relationship for well--months. I had a friend who told me he was out if there was no action by the third date. What should I expect nowadays?

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I think you are over-thinking this entire thing. You need to just go out with someone that interests you and take it from there. If you decide you have met Mr. Right, there is no timetable for intimacy.

Just date someone. If he really likes you, you can make the rules. If he just thinks of you as someone he wants seks for than clearly you would not want a relationship like that based from your previous posts... If you are 30 years old you should have the sophistication of a woman who calls the shots... Enjoy life, it goes by fast.

[beckyb1012]

One of my favorite lines from any movie was from Jerry Magurie (husband now ex hated hated the line) "I have had two lovers in four years and each ran a distant 2nd to a warm bath and a good book".  A bath and book sounds like heaven to me but then I was married for 18 years so a damp wash cloth and pamphlet would excite me over some drama with a man.

[bri20]

You can't put a timetable on a physical relationship. 

Life doesn't work like that sometimes.

[Susan in California]

I have been married many years and our grown children are also married--both are sons.  So I am somewhat out of the dating world.

  But I have a niece who is an attorney, and she found her husband on eharmony.  I don't live near them, and I was surprised when a family member told me.  But, hey, they seem really well suited, now have a baby, and have nothing but great things to say about how they "met".

  My first thought was, wow, you didn't find anyone suitable all through UCLA and then Law School.  But her brother, who is also single and an attorney, may have to try eharmony as well.  I think Shawn here at QVC said she found her husband the same way.

I think "expectations" are spelled out on these dating websites.

[dooBdoo]

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Trinity11 wrote:

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JBKO wrote:

This is meant to be a serious question. I haven't dated much at all. I've been lucky I guess because the males I have encountered have been gentlemen and not pressured me to do anything I don't want before I am ready. Unlucky for me I was not into them.  Honestly, I am old-fashioned and don't want things to escalate to a seksual relationship for well--months. I had a friend who told me he was out if there was no action by the third date. What should I expect nowadays?

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I think you are over-thinking this entire thing. You need to just go out with someone that interests you and take it from there. If you decide you have met Mr. Right, there is no timetable for intimacy.

Just date someone. If he really likes you, you can make the rules. If he just thinks of you as someone he wants seks for than clearly you would not want a relationship like that based from your previous posts... If you are 30 years old you should have the sophistication of a woman who calls the shots... Enjoy life, it goes by fast.

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          I agree with you, @Trinity11.    I wanted to add:  It's good to be introspective, and to get clear about what we desire and expect.    But the first thing is to learn to be happy with ourselves, comfortable by ourselves.   I think the second thing to do is get involved in lots of activities that truly fit our personal interests.  

         By doing that, we often will meet others with many interests and goals in common.   Then, make friends.   So many wonderful long-term love relationships grow out of genuine friendships.   Or, sometimes, these good friends introduce you to someone special.    I understand wanting to have a significant other, but I honestly think trying to force things -- and also worrying and worrying -- doesn't work out well.    It might be a good time to find a counselor or therapist, just to talk these things over and maybe create a concrete plan of action, @JBKO, to become more at peace with yourself and, then, possibly, with someone else.

Best wishes to you, @JBKO.