Community Chat

[Burnsite]

My family is large and loving, and yet not too given to having weddings!

My income fluctuates, and I give as much as I can--marriages are a bit scarce in my family, but it is so important they get at lift during this time. if possible.

As I have never yet had (with one exception) an exceptional meal at a wedding, I don't worry about matching the cost.  Just give as much as I can.  Where would our society be without the families strengthened by marriage?

[sunshine45]

i pick something off of their registry or i give a check.

the amount that i spend or give is dependent on how close i am to the people getting married. it usually begins at around $100 and goes up from there. i dont base it on a guess as to how much they spent to feed me.

[occasionalrain]

@CelticCrafter 

As did requesting cash for honeymoons, but that doesn't make it proper, nor is it practiced by, or acceptable to everyone.

There are still those who acknowledge gifts with a thank you.

[Shihtzursqmom]

I’m invited to a wedding this fall of someone I’ve only seen In a professional setting
I have no idea why I was invited ( my husband’s name wasn’t on the invitation , they don’t know him ) I actually only know one of them
From what I’ve heard it’s going to be a large wedding
The couple will be going on a 3 week honeymoon to Europe
They’ve bought their house several years ago and don’t need anything
By the time of the wedding they’ll have had 4 showers , they aren’t registered anywhere and don’t want gifts but they are asking everyone to Venmo money
we are not going to the wedding IF I send a check it won’t be for more than $50

[Mersha]

@Shihtzursqmom   Four showers and a wedding require lots of money shelled out for their Venmo account.

Did they add "and guest" to your invitation?

If they are work acquaintances and you are not attending the showers or wedding, sending $50 would be generous.

I would think about just sending a card.

[bells4me]

I have never heard of coviering your meal, but I am on the West Coast.  I only attend very close friends & family and send a check even if I don't attend.  I believe most people attend because of the food.

[Shihtzursqmom]

Mersha no the invitation only had my name on it , “ and guest “ was nowhere on the invitation
She knows I’m married
I had received a text one Sunday morning earlier in the year from the bride asking for my address I sent it to her
a couple days later I received a “ save the date “ it was just my name on that also
Then later I received the invitation with just my name
I don’t know if I’m expected to go alone to the wedding
or not ?
Either way I’ve already sent my regrets

[occasionalrain]

She neither expects nor wants you to attend the wedding, just wants your contribution. Unless it will adversely affect your job, send a card and give Venmo a pass. I don't support fund raiser weddings.

[JeanLouiseFinch]

I've always heard the rule of thumb that the gift should at least be equal to what the guest's meal(s) costs.  Our daughter got married last year.  I have no idea what they received in monetary gifts.  We attended a wedding a couple of weeks ago.  We decided to give a physical gift instead of money. The value was about $150 or so. I spent a little more because the groom is our daughter's BIL.  I'm going to a bridal shower next week. The wedding is in Texas and we will not be attending.  I will give the bride and groom a similar gift as we did the other couple but not quite as elaborate.  The value is about $100/$120.  $200-$500 is rather overboard for our area, unless it's coming from a very close or well to do relative.

[Mersha]

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@Shihtzursqmom wrote:
Mersha no the invitation only had my name on it , “ and guest “ was nowhere on the invitation
She knows I’m married
I had received a text one Sunday morning earlier in the year from the bride asking for my address I sent it to her
a couple days later I received a “ save the date “ it was just my name on that also
Then later I received the invitation with just my name
I don’t know if I’m expected to go alone to the wedding
or not ?
Either way I’ve already sent my regrets

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@Shihtzursqmom  Knowing you were married, your husband should be included on the invitation.

I think I would hold on to the $50 and send a card with your best wishes.