Community Chat

[Mz iMac]

Well after watching the movie "Goodfellas"  which takes place in NY,  I wanted to marry an Italian Mafia ganster.    Loooooooooooong lines (2) of people w/ thick money envelopes to put inside the brides bridal bag.Probably enough $$$$ to purchase a house w/cash out right!

For those who haven't seen the movie go to YouTube & search for "Goodfellas Wedding Scene." 

[KathyM23]

The only people who get $500 from me are our grandchildren to help them start their life - not to pay for our plate.

Son, DIL would paid for granddaughter's wedding and grandson's family paid for their wedding.  Both events were more focased on the new couple than an extravaganza.

[Jessie913]

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@Tori3569 wrote:

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@Jordan2 wrote:

I have always given a  check as a gift to the couple. I was talking to some people as to what you give these days as a single person or couple attending a wedding. It is kind of customary to cover the cost of the meal, I suppose it depends on what part of the country you come from as to how much you give. I go to weddings in NYC, Long Island, and New Jersey. I think as a single person I would give $200-$250, as a couple $500. What are your thoughts on this?

I guess it's a NYC tristate thing, so yes to covering the cost of the meal and yes to $200-$250 for a gift from a single person.   However, for someone I work with or not a close friend or family member, I have sent a gift from a registry to their home instead of a check. 

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Im realizing it now too... that its a tri state thing! Its not the younger genration! Quite the opposite! I got married in 1986 and the "covering your plate" was used as a guide only in case you didnt know what to give. Everyone did it! My wedding was 60 per person (a friday night)  and most of my guests gave100 per couple. close family more    Now use an inflation calculator for that!!

[Allegheny]

DH and I give $200.  At the present time this is our standard gift whether we attend or not.

[AZfem]

@Jessie913  How do guests KNOW the cost per plate?  Do couples advertise it, do the mothers call everyone up & make sure guests know the cost, do couples put it on their invitations?  Does everyone know what every venue charges for every type of food?  This is so bizarre. How do guests know this?  It would never occur to me to find this out or care. Your throwing the party, you pay for it. If you can't afford it, scale down. Big extravaganzas are not a requirement to get married. 

[Stray]

The check is not to pay or subsidize the wedding reception but merely a guideline. In N NJ, we have a general idea of cost per plate of our venues. I only attend weddings of close family or dear friend’s children whom I’ve known most of their lives. I have no objection to paying $500 or more depending on the relationship.

[Zoe]

@Jordan2 

Your sums sound about right for weddings in that area, though you may be able to scale it back slightly, down to $400 max (if you need to). Of course as others have said, it may depend upon your relationship to the person(s) getting married.

[Sooner]

Now days many weddings are now made-for-video fund raisers I guess.  

[Trailrun23]

I now find myself with several shower and wedding invitations between Labor day and New Year's day....one is on Christmas Eve!  I have never seen so many weddings this time of year. I am dismayed at the amount of money it is going to cost me...am up to 5 weddings. The showers seem to be endless....some of the brides are having three or four showers, and now the grooms have them also. Why would anyone need so many? Huge gift grabs iMO. I have not seen the  invites for all of them, but the save the dates have arrived as have some shower invites.  

[haddon9]

I have heard of the pay for your plate for a very long time now.  It's really just a rough guideline but guests really have no idea just what everything costs.  One should give what they feel that they can afford. 

However just like most things prices have gone up a lot today and unless you really can't afford to give more than $50.00 for a single or $100.00 from a couple, I think it's a bit cheap to go that low.

Last year when my daughter got married I was able to pay and help her out.  However I was still shocked at just how much it ended up costing.  She wanted a "boho" styled garden wedding which they had at a local wildflower preserve.  We lucked out with perfect weather!

It's a beautiful location with wildflowers & meadows. There is a lovely pond area for the ceremony but not much else besides restrooms.  We had to bring in everything!!...from tents, to food, tables, chairs, dishes, serving dishes, decor, furniture for lounges, two bars, a dance floor, fire pits, etc. etc. ....we had over a dozen vendors.   

The wedding planner was also a lawyer.  I felt it was a good idea to have her in case we ran into any problems considering we had so many vendors.  She did an amazing job keeping everything coordinated....but my goodness!  A simple garden wedding became not so simple.

My point is that one really has no idea unless you ask just what the cost may be.  Just give what you feel is right.  We give more to close family & friends than to a more casual relationship.