Community Chat

[Porcelain]

@dooBdoo I think what you said is VERY thoughtful. Thank you. I am going to have to re-read it several times. Packed with insights.

One thing I've noticed is that in social media, extended positive playful conversations are rare. Negative ones are common. I say something and either there is a light written response, or the response is a slam or a dig from someone who emotionally, without much civility, disagrees with what I said.

Long running positive back and forths hardly ever happen with people in forums like this. If someone else and I agree or differ in a civil way, we have one nice meeting of the minds and its over. Those conversations never last.

But someone attacks my concept without giving any reasons, or far worse, they attack my morality, mental health, or intentions, and we are off to the races. That can go back and forth for ages demanding proof and clarification until someone drops it.

So...what is a person to do when they see something they consider cruel or crucially misinforming being said online? I don't know.

All speech online has the exact same value and weight regardless of how thoughtful or mean it is. I don't like that at all. (And I know that is a very polarizing view. Some prefer all speech to be weighted equally no matter the content.) Even so, I wish there were a way to make civil and kind public conversations more prominent and visible to me, when desired, than sniping.

Metaphorically speaking: I would like it if there were online places that are garden tea parties, and funky discos, and intellectual salon libraries, as well as all the current biker brawls (no offense to nice bikers) and slam book sessions and cage fighting events.

I have no idea how to accomplish that.

[IamMrsG]

I have suspected for a long time that anonymity is the taproot of rudeness in social media.  While I accept it is not feasible, if a reply were to be accompanied with a real name or photo, I believe a good number of the verbal assaults would stop.  

This theory works as well with aggressive driving.  I recall a story my pastor told on himself.  He was known for having a heavy foot and short patience behind the wheel.  One day when a woman’s slowness and timidity particularly annoyed him, he sped around her, angrily mouthing a message in her direction.  When he arrived at his destination, that very same woman arrived for her counseling appointment with him.  

Throughout the years online my method of determination whether to click “post” is to imagine how I’d feel about facing a neighbor or loved one if I were to be ‘found out.’  That practice has stopped me more than once.  It is enough to pound out a few acerbic thoughts, to clear my system, then leave it there. 

[qualitygal]

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@software wrote:

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@Anonymous032819 wrote:

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@qualitygal wrote:

I can't, or don't understand all the abbreviations.  The language is getting railroaded.

@qualitygal 

Language is always changing.

We don't speak like they did in Shakespeare's time, do we?

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Going back farther than that, we used to grunt.

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@software wrote:

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@Anonymous032819 wrote:

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@qualitygal wrote:

I can't, or don't understand all the abbreviations.  The language is getting railroaded.

@qualitygal 

Language is always changing.

We don't speak like they did in Shakespeare's time, do we?

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Going back farther than that, we used to grunt.

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Come to think of it, my husband still does that at times.  LOL

[dooBdoo]

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@Porcelain wrote:

@dooBdoo I think what you said is VERY thoughtful. Thank you. I am going to have to re-read it several times. Packed with insights.

One thing I've noticed is that in social media, extended positive playful conversations are rare. Negative ones are common. I say something and either there is a light written response, or the response is a slam or a dig from someone who emotionally, without much civility, disagrees with what I said.

Long running positive back and forths hardly ever happen with people in forums like this. If someone else and I agree or differ in a civil way, we have one nice meeting of the minds and its over. Those conversations never last.

But someone attacks my concept without giving any reasons, or far worse, they attack my morality, mental health, or intentions, and we are off to the races. That can go back and forth for ages demanding proof and clarification until someone drops it.

So...what is a person to do when they see something they consider cruel or crucially misinforming being said online? I don't know.

All speech online has the exact same value and weight regardless of how thoughtful or mean it is. I don't like that at all. (And I know that is a very polarizing view. Some prefer all speech to be weighted equally no matter the content.) Even so, I wish there were a way to make civil and kind public conversations more prominent and visible to me, when desired, than sniping.

Metaphorically speaking: I would like it if there were online places that are garden tea parties, and funky discos, and intellectual salon libraries, as well as all the current biker brawls (no offense to nice bikers) and slam book sessions and cage fighting events.

I have no idea how to accomplish that.

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@Porcelain, Thank you for the lovely compliment.

I started posting here in 2010.  For many years we had long, positive playful threads, some hysterically funny.😀 
I believe those threads created a foundation upon which a solid structure of friendship was built, and the good vibes we nurtured and forged helped us communicate more easily and without stifling rancor on other more serious sometimes heated topics.  

Now, more often than not, a lighthearted thread gets a few snarcastic barbs, off-topic comments, taints the conversation and dooms it to its demise.  

I wonder, sometimes, if that happens because someone focuses on a nickname and, because of those bad feelings or grudges I mentioned earlier, is fueled by that as incentive to flame the thread.  

The way we act here and the way we treat others is a reflection on us...  our character, integrity... and not on the person we try to target or insult.

Even so, it's unpleasant for all and its hard to ignore.  

The saying goes that we don't have to attend every argument to which we're invited...  sometimes easier said than done.

We do have the capacity to learn, to listen, to treat one another as we would want those we love to be treated.

I don't know the answers.

I do miss the goofy, silly, fun threads we once enjoyed here.

[manny2]

I always told my children to remember everything old is new again. It has all been done before. Everything you are doing I did already. It may have been called by a different name, but make no mistake it was the same thing, Communication from that point on is not that difficult.

The one thing missing is respect. Respect is not something you teach, but rather model. That is how I learned by watching my parents. I in turn modeled for my children, and now when they have children it will continue.

[ROMARY]

SPURT:

Wow!  

If I had a working printer, I'd print your post.

Now, that's a post to keep.   

Bravo, parents.     Excellent job.  

[GoneButNotForgotten]

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@Spurt wrote:

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@Shanus wrote:

Coincidently, I just had a long talk with DS, DD and my granddaughters who have just started mostly emailing me (computers for school) or texting me. I asked them to use the phone to CALL.

We seem to be victims of the cell phone. Yes they ARE a neccessity, but how many times a day do you see people checking their email, looking down to text...fingers flying through the letters. 

My Girls do not write thank you notes for gifts...I get a text. I finally told them that's not acceptable and sent them each a box of thank you notes. OMG! You should see their handwriting!!! They rarely use it.

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@Shanus 

ITA agree with you on everything you said..... And I was talking to a small shop owner and he laughed and said that a lot of younger customers dont know how to write in cursive to sign the credit card purchase slip......

My niece and nephews are the same way as yours.....won't call or even email, just an occasional text or Facebook mention that's it.....And my SIL apologizes and used to write the "thank you notes" for them.....these are older kids too.... ...How I solved that problem....I stopped sending them Birthday and Christmas Cards which also included money gift cards....I just got tired of being just a Santa Claus figure for them....I just send cards and gifts to my brother and SIL only who do call and connect with me all the time....Even my SIL admitted, "I guess I didnt teach the kids very well in common courtesy and gratitude"....SMH!!!

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Try using paragraphs instead of all those ellipses (...); the physical separtion makes it a lot easier to read.

[gertrudecloset]

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@ROMARY wrote:

Excellent thread.

Whatever happened to the word (thought) 'Peace'? 

If we (all) could only strive toward it, we might be able to take a a few steps forward. 

Instead of backward.

Peace and safety to all.

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@ROMARYseems some people thrive on negativity.  They don't feel alive if they aren't complaining about someone/group/thing.  With that kind of personality they won't do the "PEACE" thing, because they don't know how.  Emotional intelligence is lacking.

[qualitygal]

@dooBdoo   So happy to see you. Take care and be safe.