What Is A Fair Fight?

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

I was thinking about the changes being made here on these boards. What do you think of this statement.....?????

In a fair fight it is better to define yourself, not the other person.

pinkskates4 · ‎03-10-2010

Not sure what this refers to.

If you are talking about a debate over issues, I think it is the issue, not the personal characteristics of the debater (perceived intelligence, compassion, etc) that should be argued and defended.

It seems to me that those with good arguments/defenses make them. Those without resort to name calling.

As to "defining yourself," that is a losing battle - it just invites the opposition to declare open season on your character/intelligence etc - and diverts the discussion from the actual issue.

evelomaddict · ‎04-06-2013

this is what they use in marriage counseling. define your needs, instead of defining the other persons failures.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?" Hillel

Buck-i-Nana · ‎09-28-2010

Why does there have to be a fight at all? When did it become acceptable for a discussion and expressions of differing opinions to devolve into a fight?

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

On 8/5/2014 evelomaddict said:
this is what they use in marriage counseling. define your needs, instead of defining the other persons failures.

This is the same thing that comes to my mind. Once the other person has said something that is disagreeable to you, keep your mind on the subject.... not on what you think (or even know) about that other person. If they say something nasty or sarcastic... hit the ignore button in your brain . Know who you are so that what others think will not bother you so much.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

On 8/5/2014 Buck-i-Nana said:
Why does there have to be a fight at all? When did it become acceptable for a discussion and expressions of differing opinions to devolve into a fight?

I guess a better way to say this is to replace the word ""fight"" with ""debate"". Although I think there can be ""hot debates"" without crossing boundary lines.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

On 8/5/2014 Dagna said:
Not sure what this refers to.

If you are talking about a debate over issues, I think it is the issue, not the personal characteristics of the debater (perceived intelligence, compassion, etc) that should be argued and defended.

It seems to me that those with good arguments/defenses make them. Those without resort to name calling.

As to "defining yourself," that is a losing battle - it just invites the opposition to declare open season on your character/intelligence etc - and diverts the discussion from the actual issue.

You make some good points. I think by "define yourself"..... I meant "define why you feel the way you do on any given subject.

pinkskates4 · ‎03-10-2010

On 8/5/2014 jubilant said:
On 8/5/2014 Dagna said:
Not sure what this refers to.

If you are talking about a debate over issues, I think it is the issue, not the personal characteristics of the debater (perceived intelligence, compassion, etc) that should be argued and defended.

It seems to me that those with good arguments/defenses make them. Those without resort to name calling.

As to "defining yourself," that is a losing battle - it just invites the opposition to declare open season on your character/intelligence etc - and diverts the discussion from the actual issue.

You make some good points. I think by "define yourself"..... I meant "define why you feel the way you do on any given subject.

I agree that in a relationship disagreement, that could be helpful - altho it does assume the other person actually cares about why you feel the way you do. In a marriage, I'd hope that would be the case, in a casual friendship, maybe not.

In a debate on - say a political issue - I think it's just asking for trouble because it then allows the other person to focus on why you are wrong to feel the way you do - rather on the substance of the merit of your original argument for or against the issue.

Even in a relationship, while it can be helpful, it can also end up like the situation where someone asks you to lend them money or do something you don't want to do and rather than just saying no and repeating that if necessary, you feel bound to explain why you can't - which then opens the door for them to argue with your reasons and try to guilt you into doing it anyway.