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Re: ••• What Does "Passive-Agressive" Really Mean? •••

Saying one thing and meaning or doing another comes pretty close.


In my pantry with my cupcakes...
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Re: ••• What Does "Passive-Agressive" Really Mean? •••

[ Edited ]

Unfortunately I had to do this with a bad boss.  He would give people unnecessary work just to be cruel.  (I suspect he was a psychopath but that’s another topic.)   He did it in part to get a reaction and if people reacted he treated them even worse, giving them even more to do. 

 

 I learned to work around it by always agreeing with whatever he asked but not really doing it.  That’s an example of passive aggressive - - saying, “sure, I’ll do that”, but having no intention of doing it.  Thank goodness it finally caught up to him and he was fired. 

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Re: ••• What Does "Passive-Agressive" Really Mean? •••

Back in the 1990s the board went through a phase where if you disagreed with something someone posted you tossed out the accusation of passive aggressive.  It became a modern witch hunt.  Seems we are returning to it with "passive aggressive" and "troll" being the current way to shut down someone we disagree with.

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Registered: ‎06-16-2015

Re: ••• What Does "Passive-Agressive" Really Mean? •••


@LTT1 wrote:
@RainyDayGirl... The student you described in your post... The one who does nothing even while knowing the consequences...
IMO the person who uses this technique has motive. His would be a"control" issue, right?
I need to ask myself "what does this person want?" Like the mom in "Everybody Loves Raymond" her issue is that she wants more of Raymond's time/attention.
The student would seem to just want to get out of doing class work, but it would be good to know that his issue might really be rebelling against home.
I did have a student with this exact issue, too. 💜

OF course it was a control issue, but using passsive aggressiveness and basically showing no emotional reaction is what got under parents' skins.  They could deal with an all out shouting match, but what do you do with a silent non commital to a situation in which the child continues to do the same behavior to no avail.  That's what caused some parents to tear their hair out.

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Re: ••• What Does "Passive-Agressive" Really Mean? •••

[ Edited ]

@sandy53 wrote:

@RainyDayGirl wrote:

I guess I have a different picture of passive aggressiveness as a teacher. My observations have been in the student who very calmly ignores, dismisses, and refuses to do assignments, participate, meet deadlines,  knowing full well that there will be punihment at home. There is no flair of temper, no verbal abuse...just a calm, silent rejection of the situation.  It was the one thing that a student would know his parents couldn't control, regardless of what the end result would be. In the student's mind, he or she had won the battle no matter what he faced at home.


When I was teaching, I saw many high school boys exhibit this kind of passive-aggressive behavior.  They would cut it so close to not graduating because they knew it would cause such a stir.  Parents would rant and rave, teachers and counselors would bend over backwards to offer help, and the student would just sit there acting smug.  Then they would usually finally do the minimum to pass the class. 

 

I think passive-aggressive behavior can be either conscious or subconscious.  Some do it with the intent to hurt someone, but others have this kind of behavior ingrained deeply in their behavior patterns and don't recognize it in themselves. 

 

 


You hit the nail right on the head.  And yes, I saw it more in boys, but once in a while, I saw it in the girls. The parents did all the worrying, gnashing of teeth, ranting, raving, and taking away privileges, while the student did the bare minimum that would enable him or her to pull it out of the fire at the last minute, and in my opinion laughed about it all the way to the last day of school. And teachers bent over backwards to coddle and urge the student to the finish line. I think people misinterpret the "aggressive" part of the term as the student is not aggressive, but in fact is aggressively passive, and that's what stymies most parents and teachers for that matter.

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Re: ••• What Does "Passive-Agressive" Really Mean? •••

I am a direct person, so people who make little jabs and asides with a smile . . . I try to avoid them.  I had a colleague who liked to say, "Well, bless your heart" at meetings  (not to me specifically, just whenever she disliked the way something was going).

 

It would have been so much more useful if she expressed what her reservations were in direct terms, but _that_ she would never do.  When she retired, I kept in touch a little and once had to inform her that someone at work had died.  I told her where the funeral was to be held, etc.  And she was offended that I didn't know she had always disliked this man.  Go figure--she smiled constantly and was always especially sweet to him.

 

So to me that is passive aggressive.  It's alien to my way of trying to be direct, but I still think it does not compare to flat out angry abuse and open sabotaging.  (I've known two people like that at different workplaces and I'll take an overly sweet "Bless your heart" over shouting any day.)

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Re: ••• What Does "Passive-Agressive" Really Mean? •••

Here's an example:
A boss repeatedly schedules a mandatory meeting on an employee's day off. They employee always show up in time for the meeting to find out it's been cancelled. When the employee asks the boss about it he is told 'oh I forgot to call and tell you'. The employee misses one meeting (also on their day off) and it is noted on their annual evolution that they are not available for mandatory meetings!

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown
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Re: ••• What Does "Passive-Agressive" Really Mean? •••

Oddly enough, Wikipedia gives a very good definition of what passive aggressiveness is, even though Wiki can often give incorrect information. Their definition is what I have always recognized it to be: 

 

Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

For research purposes, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) revision IV describes passive-aggressive personality disorder as a "pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in social and occupational situations".