Community Chat

[Say Nay]

Who is being passive agressive?

Amy says: I don't like cheese.

Jill says: I like cheese.

Carol says: Cheese stinks.

Sue says: People who don't like cheese are stupid.

Amy says: Whatever Sue.

Sue says: Can't you take a joke Amy? 

[surfk]

Typically, passive-aggressiveness is when a person gets (or wants) his or her way...but goes about it in an indirect manner or way.

Instead of grabbing the last piece of pie, they pout or grumble that "Everybody always gets the last piece of pie...but never me" (boo hoo). Thereby always guaranteeing that they get the last piece of pie. Because everyone knows that if that passive-aggressive person isn't GIVEN the last piece, there will be problems.

In contrast, an aggressive person just takes the last piece...either before anyone notices or even out of the hands of someone about to eat it. lol

But they each wind up getting their way.

Being late ALL THE TIME is considered to be a passive-aggressive act because despite schedules or other people's time, whatever is going to take place is going to be according to their schedule.

So their own birthday party at noon just won't start if the passive-aggressive person decides to arrive at 3.

Or leaving everyone waiting on the airport tarmac, bags in hand for an hour, they ask, "What's the problem? We can all just catch the next flight out of Afghanistan", once they arrive at the airstrip - a half an hour after the last scheduled airlift out of country has just left.

[LilacTree]

Passive-aggressive:

Mom to teenager:  Clean your room!

Teenager:  OK, mom.

Teenager leaves without cleaning her room.

Next day Mom to teenager:  You didn't clean your room.

Teenager:  OK, I'm sorry, I'll clean it.

Teenager leaves without cleaning her room.

Repeat and repeat.  Room doesn't get cleaned.  Mom gets angry, teenager cries "you're so mean."

[SydneyH]

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@newziesuzie wrote:

IamMrsG, I'm getting those error messages as well.
Weird.

Everybody Thanks for the posts!

😊

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You will know it when you are targeted.  Since we are sharing examples I'll give you one that boggles the mind.  I posted a response to a thread, one that had hundreds or responses.  Another poster picks my response to ask where the ignore button is and how terrible it is that the Q removed it.  Then said poster gets 'mad' when I asked her if aliens overtook her body and forced her to respond to my post directly.  Still finding that quite funny.

[Adelina]

It used to be included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a stand-alone personality disorder (also referred to as "negativistic" disorder),  described as a "pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in social and occupational situations". (whaaat??)

It was recently removed but the symptoms are being included in a more generic term called Personality Disorder Trait Specified. (lol)

This is the Wikipedia "historical" use of the term:

"History

Passive-aggressive behavior was first defined clinically by Colonel William Menninger during World War II in the context of men's reaction to military compliance. Menninger described soldiers who were not openly defiant but expressed their aggressiveness “by passive measures, such as pouting, stubbornness, procrastination, inefficiency, and passive obstructionism” due to what Menninger saw as an "immaturity" and a reaction to "routine military stress".[13]

According to some psychoanalytic views, noncompliance is not indicative of true passive-aggressive behavior, which may instead be defined as the manifestation of emotions that have been repressed based on a self-imposed need for acceptance.

In the first version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM-I, in 1952, the passive-aggressive was defined in a narrow way, grouped together with the passive-dependent.

The DSM-III-R stated in 1987 that passive-aggressive disorder is typified by, among other things, "fail[ing] to do the laundry or to stock the kitchen with food because of procrastination and dawdling."[13]

Increased public exposure to the term has led to websites like Passive-Aggressive Notes, which uploads purportedly passive-aggressive emails, notes and signs, although many of the examples are not correctly passive-aggressive in nature."

.... and, yes, IMO, it can be over-used, but depending on the context, I think most know how it is meant in real life.

[Maxine49]

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@newziesuzie wrote:



I don't know the answer which is why I ask.😀


I noticed it talked about on another thread
and didn't want to go O/T.

***************

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If you really want to know then why are you asking the question on a shopping channel forum? Why not Goggle it and read some articles by psycologists? HERE There are a plethora of further links to articles in my link.

[NoelSeven]

Being late often is classic passive-aggressive, but... there may be another reason for some people.

One of our closest friends ever was always late, to pretty much everything.  It was incredibly maddening.  I started noticing other behaviors he had, so I talked to him about seeing his MD re: the possibility of being ADHD.  Come to find out, that was the cause.  He worked with a behavior therapist a long time in an attempt to compensate.  The rest of us realized he could not always be successful, and because we loved him, we worked around it.

[newziesuzie]

Sheesh said:

"***************
If you really want to know then why are you asking the question on a shopping channel forum? Why not Goggle it and read some articles by psycologists? HERE"

::
::

Because I DID Google it after a couple posters on the "bullying"
topic thread said its used a lot and misused and I don't understand
all the long scientific articles I found and I thought posters could
help explain in REAL every day terms.

"Google it" and "Google is your friend" isn't always the best
answer for me.

✌peace✌️

[Adelina]

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@newziesuzie wrote:


Sheesh said:

"***************
If you really want to know then why are you asking the question on a shopping channel forum? Why not Goggle it and read some articles by psycologists? HERE"

::
::

Because I DID Google it after a couple posters on the "bullying"
topic thread said its used a lot and misused and I don't understand
all the long scientific articles I found and I thought posters could
help explain in REAL every day terms.

"Google it" and "Google is your friend" isn't always the best
answer for me.

✌peace✌️

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___________________________

Yes, and that is a great example of what it means in real life....

[SydneyH]

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@Adelina wrote:

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@newziesuzie wrote:


Sheesh said:

"***************
If you really want to know then why are you asking the question on a shopping channel forum? Why not Goggle it and read some articles by psycologists? HERE"

::
::

Because I DID Google it after a couple posters on the "bullying"
topic thread said its used a lot and misused and I don't understand
all the long scientific articles I found and I thought posters could
help explain in REAL every day terms.

"Google it" and "Google is your friend" isn't always the best
answer for me.

✌peace✌️

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___________________________

Yes, and that is a great example of what it means in real life....

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Indeed, that was uncalled for imo...........