Re: Went to a "black tie" wedding and

Burnsite · ‎03-10-2010

I may have written about this earlier this summer. A good friend has a son who married this summer. Their invitation requested no gift, just our presence. I sent a cash gift via his Mom.

I have now received two thank-you cards, an email from the bride and a card from the groom.

My friend told me that the bride had found her dress on the internet for $20. I saw the pics recently--it was a short white bubble dress, very cute on her.

There are selfish younger folks and selfish older folks, too. But not _everyone_ is selfish.... There are pockets of classy conduct in every age-group.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Burnsite wrote:
I may have written about this earlier this summer. A good friend has a son who married this summer. Their invitation requested no gift, just our presence. I sent a cash gift via his Mom.

I have now received two thank-you cards, an email from the bride and a card from the groom.

My friend told me that the bride had found her dress on the internet for $20. I saw the pics recently--it was a short white bubble dress, very cute on her.

There are selfish younger folks and selfish older folks, too. But not _everyone_ is selfish.... There are pockets of classy conduct in every age-group.

@Burnsite This sounds like an unusual couple. First no gifts requested and then TWO thank you notes. The norm today is no thank you and keep the $$$ coming.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Witchy Woman wrote:
@panda1234

DH and I just attended a "shabby chic" barn wedding last Saturday.

It was really a charming venue and the young couple was lovely.

They had two jars set on their cake table. One for the bride and one for the groom. You could donate to either and the jar with the most money meant that person could do the "cake smearing" to the other.

No use for the money was stipulated.

Well, that whole cake thing annoys the heck out of me already, but I did donate a few dollars to each jar.

At the end, the bride's jar had over $500! I think the parents stuffed the jar.

Nevertheless, the cake event went forth (ugh). Thankfully, the bride didn't go overboard with it.

Other than that, it was a beautiful wedding.

I think this kind of thing is just the norm now.

@Witchy Woman I guess I am just old fashion.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Pooky1 wrote:
my wife and i was invited to a wedding and we were told that there tradition was to have all guests to cook food and bring to reseption. so had to cook food buy clothes and give a gift. we sent a gift but didnt go to there wedding.

@Pooky1 that is a lot to ask of a "guest".

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@panda1234 wrote:
@Pooky1 wrote:
my wife and i was invited to a wedding and we were told that there tradition was to have all guests to cook food and bring to reseption. so had to cook food buy clothes and give a gift. we sent a gift but didnt go to there wedding.
@Pooky1 that is a lot to ask of a "guest".

Cook food? I would make them something funky, and retro.

Like a 1950's Jello salad.I am sure they would love the one with hot dogs or Spagehtti O's.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@panda1234 wrote:
@Burnsite wrote:
I may have written about this earlier this summer. A good friend has a son who married this summer. Their invitation requested no gift, just our presence. I sent a cash gift via his Mom.

I have now received two thank-you cards, an email from the bride and a card from the groom.

My friend told me that the bride had found her dress on the internet for $20. I saw the pics recently--it was a short white bubble dress, very cute on her.

There are selfish younger folks and selfish older folks, too. But not _everyone_ is selfish.... There are pockets of classy conduct in every age-group.
@BurnsiteThis sounds like an unusual couple. First no gifts requested and then TWO thank you notes. The norm today is no thank you and keep the $$$ coming.

I disagree. I go to a lot of weddings, and that's not my experience at all.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Burnsite wrote:
I may have written about this earlier this summer. A good friend has a son who married this summer. Their invitation requested no gift, just our presence. I sent a cash gift via his Mom.

I have now received two thank-you cards, an email from the bride and a card from the groom.

My friend told me that the bride had found her dress on the internet for $20. I saw the pics recently--it was a short white bubble dress, very cute on her.

There are selfish younger folks and selfish older folks, too. But not _everyone_ is selfish.... There are pockets of classy conduct in every age-group.

Absolutely! I've attended many weddings of young couples who specified "no gifts" or requested a donation to a charity rather than something for themselves. I've also never sent a gift without receiving a heartfelt thank you.

I actually know more older people who feel entitled and tend to be rude, but I know lots of lovely older people too. The bottom line is that generalizations are unfair. Not everyone in my generation is perfect, and not all younger people are inconsiderate, selfish, and rude. Painting an entire generation with one broad brush makes no sense. The whole "good old days when everything was better" mentality makes no sense to me (for many reasons!) at all.

shoekitty · ‎03-10-2010

I think it is just fine. Why not? No different than pinning money on a bride, or a money tree. I just don't understand, if you don't contribute..no one will care. If you want to do a gift, by all means do. Most brides today have accumulated household items by the time they ate married. They have simpler tastes. By that I mean todays bride is not into real china, real silver and crystal like we were. They also live together as well, and have collected furniture,appliances and such,

i am 71, almost anyway. Lol. Things are so expensive now a days. Truly. I know every generation says that, but it is out of proportion the last 25 years or so.. I live in California. a starter home will run 700,000 or more that is for an older 3-4 bedroom 2 bath, about 1500 sq feet. My first home in 1967 was 15,000. At the time it was an older, affordable home with asphalt tile floors and metal cabinets. My wedding reception with cake and champagne was about 400. Quite a spread. Now it costs sometimes 35,000 for a reception, band, or disc jockey, cake and champagne and a dinner. My reception dress was about 35 bucks at J Magnin! Not including 7dollar shoes. Oh, and about 2.50 to dye them to match dress! The dress I wore for special for narly 3 years.

Buy a gift if you choose. All brides and grooms are asking for a honeymoon fund. What joy to be able go on a honeymoon with most of it paid. Beats my honeymoon at a hotel with a coin operated bed. Lol. We barely had a quarter to try it. I received lovely gifts. Nice practical gifts I used for years, but I would have loved a nice honeymoon.

i am the type that like to give a gift that lasts for many years. But, I now buy a nice gift off registry, and give to a honeymoon fund. Last one I gave to you could pick the excursions and stuff at Disney World. The couple often thanks us for that gift. But I also bought some bowls from her registry. I am at an age where the only weddings I go to are friends kids, or my granddaughters friends I became close to. In fact one such young lady got married today out of state. My granddaughters flew to Kentucky to be in wedding. We are gifting her Italy trip planned for next Spring.

shoekitty · ‎03-10-2010

@panda1234 wrote:
@Witchy Woman wrote:
@panda1234

DH and I just attended a "shabby chic" barn wedding last Saturday.

It was really a charming venue and the young couple was lovely.

They had two jars set on their cake table. One for the bride and one for the groom. You could donate to either and the jar with the most money meant that person could do the "cake smearing" to the other.

No use for the money was stipulated.

Well, that whole cake thing annoys the heck out of me already, but I did donate a few dollars to each jar.

At the end, the bride's jar had over $500! I think the parents stuffed the jar.

Nevertheless, the cake event went forth (ugh). Thankfully, the bride didn't go overboard with it.

Other than that, it was a beautiful wedding.

I think this kind of thing is just the norm now.
@Witchy WomanI guess I am just old fashion.

Shoekitty said, well never let it be said that couple didn't put on a show to earn the money. Lol,

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@NYC Susan you are right, generalizations are wrong. I guess since the last three weddings I was invited to wanted additional money besides the wedding gift. As Burnsite stated, there are selfish people in every age group.