Want a separation/divorce - Page 13

EmmaBunting · ‎01-19-2013

On 2/16/2014 stevieb said:
Fix his favorite dish...? Are you kidding me? It sounds like this is more than a temporary bump in the road or a routine ebbing and flowing of a long-term relationship... OP, no one can answer for you whether it's truly the end of the road or not. Only you and he can decide that. Good luck to you whatever you ultimately decide is best for both your futures.

My point was to be kind....and see if kindness follows. I'm sorry you felt the need to mock one of my suggestions. In my own life, I've found that if you put kindness out there, it is often returned.

Sometimes it only takes a very simple gesture like this to turn things around. Anything is worth a try before throwing 36 years away.

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

On 2/16/2014 EmmaBunting said:
On 2/16/2014 stevieb said:
Fix his favorite dish...? Are you kidding me? It sounds like this is more than a temporary bump in the road or a routine ebbing and flowing of a long-term relationship... OP, no one can answer for you whether it's truly the end of the road or not. Only you and he can decide that. Good luck to you whatever you ultimately decide is best for both your futures.

My point was to be kind....and see if kindness follows. I'm sorry you felt the need to mock one of my suggestions. In my own life, I've found that if you put kindness out there, it is often returned.

Sometimes it only takes a very simple gesture like this to turn things around. Anything is worth a try before throwing 36 years away.

Similar to what I posted: a kiss, a hug, a few kind of words. Seems worth a try.

EmmaBunting · ‎01-19-2013

On 2/16/2014 tansy said:
On 2/16/2014 EmmaBunting said:
On 2/16/2014 stevieb said:
Fix his favorite dish...? Are you kidding me? It sounds like this is more than a temporary bump in the road or a routine ebbing and flowing of a long-term relationship... OP, no one can answer for you whether it's truly the end of the road or not. Only you and he can decide that. Good luck to you whatever you ultimately decide is best for both your futures.

My point was to be kind....and see if kindness follows. I'm sorry you felt the need to mock one of my suggestions. In my own life, I've found that if you put kindness out there, it is often returned.

Sometimes it only takes a very simple gesture like this to turn things around. Anything is worth a try before throwing 36 years away.

Similar to what I posted: a kiss, a hug, a few kind of words. Seems worth a try.

I agree tansy. It is a small way to start....but it is a start.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/16/2014 EmmaBunting said:
On 2/16/2014 stevieb said:
Fix his favorite dish...? Are you kidding me? It sounds like this is more than a temporary bump in the road or a routine ebbing and flowing of a long-term relationship... OP, no one can answer for you whether it's truly the end of the road or not. Only you and he can decide that. Good luck to you whatever you ultimately decide is best for both your futures.

My point was to be kind....and see if kindness follows. I'm sorry you felt the need to mock one of my suggestions. In my own life, I've found that if you put kindness out there, it is often returned.

Sometimes it only takes a very simple gesture like this to turn things around. Anything is worth a try before throwing 36 years away.

I regret if you felt my comment was mockery, it wasn't so intended, and while I understand your point of view, I guess I felt your suggestion was a pretty significant over-simplification of what appears to be a complex relationship dilemma... I agree that sometimes kindness works wonders, but with such long-held patterns of behavior, I guess I just don't feel that's the solution to the rather stagnant situation described by the OP...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/16/2014 WestieLove said:
On 2/16/2014 AbbyK said: Thank you all so much for your replies...both negative and positive. My husband is not an easy man to live with. Very thoughtful in some ways, but so annoying in others. You can be having a wonderful day, but he can take the joy out of it in minutes. He blows everything out of proportion - from a stubbed toe to problems with cable TV. He can't just let things go, but needs to vent about everything. And god forbid you don't understand what he's telling you or explaining to you the first time. Sarcastic comments....and looks. Absolutely no patience with anything...but then later will say that's the way he blows off steam. When I was an early 22 year old dating them, I wished I had the foresight then to realize he really wasn't for me. He came from a family of screamers when they needed to get their point across. I didn't. Yet, he can break down at a sad story about an animal or,someone down on their luck. I've been with him through a tripe heart bypass, both parents' deaths, major depressions (both of us). S"'x is nonexistent as he's on many medications, and it's just too much work. He never kisses me, hugs me and never holds hands. I have friends who are dealing with terminal illnesses with their kid, and grandson. They have the right to complain about life. So when he goes,on and on about stupid meaningless stuff, I want to scream! Yet, he'll do whatever I want around the house - moving furniture, painting, etc. I don't expect him to entertain me as someone said. I'm the social director. I'm the one with tons of friends who makes plans to see them both together and alone. We do travel quite a bit, and most times, we have a good time. My mother died a few years ago, and I'd tell her various complaints. She told me not to give up financial security, a home, kids, to be single. It wasn't worth it. Just make my own life. I work part time, and have for years. I never had to work full time, so I was home with my kids growing up. So is the glass half empty or half full? Do I put up with things that I've lived with for years, or forge ahead? I would just love to spend one week with no one asking why I'm on my IPAD so much, when is dinner, what's for dinner?, are we going out this weekend?, why am I taking so many naps?, why are you sleeping past 8:30am? why don't you read the papers everyday like I do? Why do you spend so much time shopping? Blah, blah! That's my life.

some people would call you lucky.

Maybe so, and yet at the end of the day, it isn't always about what some people would think or how much worse their life experiences might have been, it's about this individual in this situation and how she feels about it...

OP, if no one has yet suggested it, maybe it's time to take a two week separate vacation and see how you feel both while you're on it and when you get back.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

EmmaBunting · ‎01-19-2013

On 2/16/2014 stevieb said:
On 2/16/2014 EmmaBunting said:
On 2/16/2014 stevieb said:
Fix his favorite dish...? Are you kidding me? It sounds like this is more than a temporary bump in the road or a routine ebbing and flowing of a long-term relationship... OP, no one can answer for you whether it's truly the end of the road or not. Only you and he can decide that. Good luck to you whatever you ultimately decide is best for both your futures.

My point was to be kind....and see if kindness follows. I'm sorry you felt the need to mock one of my suggestions. In my own life, I've found that if you put kindness out there, it is often returned.

Sometimes it only takes a very simple gesture like this to turn things around. Anything is worth a try before throwing 36 years away.

I regret if you felt my comment was mockery, it wasn't so intended, and while I understand your point of view, I guess I felt your suggestion was a pretty significant over-simplification of what appears to be a complex relationship dilemma... I agree that sometimes kindness works wonders, but with such long-held patterns of behavior, I guess I just don't feel that's the solution to the rather stagnant situation described by the OP...

When someone says "Fix his favorite dish....?" ....it definitely comes across as mockery. But if you regret that, and say that was not your intention....then thank you. Perhaps if you read everything I suggested to the OP you will get a clearer picture of what I was trying to say.

Picking out one suggestion kind of didn't do justice to all the thoughts I shared in an effort to help Abby.

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

On 2/16/2014 AbbyK said: Do I put up with things that I've lived with for years, or forge ahead? I would just love to spend one week with no one asking why I'm on my IPAD so much, when is dinner, what's for dinner?, are we going out this weekend?, why am I taking so many naps?, why are you sleeping past 8:30am? why don't you read the papers everyday like I do? Why do you spend so much time shopping? Blah, blah! That's my life.

Have you ever sat him down and told him this? Just flat out told him that this constant questioning is driving you nuts?

He's retired; does he have any friends of his own that he pals around with or are you the only one he's ever with. If he's on his own I would point out to him that he needs an outlet of some sort, a hobby or volunteer work of some sort.

Some of the other advice is on target: checkup and blood tests to make sure he's not having side-effects from medication; a discussion with his doctor if there has been a personality change or an intensification of personality traits.

If you honestly see no future, no happiness for yourself, then a trial separation might be the way to go. Even if it's only a two week vacation by yourself. Not with friends, just you. It can even be in the same town-rent a condo for two weeks. See if being alone and on your own is really what you want. If it is, then make it permanent.

abbeythe 8th · ‎04-17-2010

The fact that the OP said she no longer loved her husband is telling. She did not say she was no longer in love. There is a big difference.

Why would you stay with someone you no longer loved?

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

I did not read all the responses here but the ones i did read all blamed the husband for this problem. It seems to me the wife is the one with a problem. She states that everyone else loves her husband, and "he would do anything for anyone , including me" That doesn't sound to me like he has a problem - it sounds like she has the problem, and she should be the one seeing a therapist. i found all her complaints about him to be very lame.