Community Chat

[Cakers3]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

Oh please, parenting classes won't fix a warped human being who thinks it's okay to abuse a child in any way, shape or form.

CPS needs to do their job, not 'reunifying' abusive parents with the children they.abused....their job is PROTECTING CHILDREN!

Once an abuser. always an abuser, it's a mindset, not a 'mistake', IMO.

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@KingstonsMom   I agree with your post except for what I highlighted in the last sentence.

People do not plan to be abusers; they do not plan to have children just to abuse them nor do they wake up one morning and decide to become abusers.

This topic has many layers and the dynamics of  abusive relationships are varied and do not fit into one niche.

I totally agree that generic parenting classes are not the fix; but they can also be a start.  Society puts a band-aid on problems hoping that the scab underneath will not be picked at and that the healing will be complete.

Court-ordered counseling and parenting classes will work but they must be handled by professionals deeply trained in methods germaine to the issues of abuse.

Couple that with the willingness of the parent/caretaker to approach counseling with being able to recognize that he/she is an abuser. 

People agree to court-ordered solutions because they either fear jail and/or do not want their families taken away.  It's called being on a "family plan"-they are going for all the wrong reasons-the spouse will divorce them, they will lose their family, they will be left alone-the list continues.

We know that there are several mentally ill people in this world who are abusers; and that is another issue.

It is heart-breaking to know what goes on behind some closed doors and yes, I've been involved with this issue.  Yet professional hands can be tied by tedious regulations that can often tie up courts, tie up resources, tie up both parents and children receiving care, and allow the proverbial cracks to widen while so many fall through.

I believe SOME families can heal; and I believe that SOME families cannot.

The priority is, and should be, the child.  Always. 

On that I believe we all agree.

[on the bay]

@PamfromCT -

I understood what you were saying too. From all the posts I've read from you, you just were posting out of a mutual heartache that we all share.

It encompasses all children who are abused.

[Cakers3]

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@PamfromCT wrote:

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

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@PamfromCT wrote:

A few months ago, I read of a horrific case of child abuse in our state.  It was done to a boy, by his stepfather, with his mother a witness just standing by.  I don’t know his age, but he and his siblings were removed from that “home.”

I don’t wish to make a contest of this, but the abuse was worse than this case cited.  I will not give details.  It all made me wish DH and I were not so elderly that we could not take this child and siblings in as foster parents.  I still cry over this.  This is the only time that I can remember that I wish I were a young woman.  Some people are monsters.

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Then don't make it one, ANY child abuse is horrific, no matter which one is 'worse' than the other.

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@KingstonsMom   ^THIS.  Thank you-I wanted to say the same thing.

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@Cakers3and @KingstonsMom,

I was sincere in what I wrote.  I would have hoped that someone would have the decency not to write a rather abrupt and snarky reply.. Along with psychological care, I hope the child I wrote of can have some facial surgery to correct some scars on his face.  Yes, when someone forces you to hold firecrackers in your mouth, then lights them, and then they explode - it is really nasty.  Oh,  it wait, I will stop.  There’s more, but I don’t want to offend.  

Spoiler

Spoiler

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@PamfromCT   I see nothing snarky about the response to your post.

Nothing at all. 

We cannot and should NEVER categorize abuse.

Nobody said you were not sincere; but the issue isn't about how the child was abused-it's about that the abuse happened at all.

I could post cases as I am sure other posters could-YOU may consider this case worse but the child involved in this story with the waitress isn't looking at his abuse as any less.

You toss the dice around here when you post; you are not new and you know this.

You are viewing the responses as a personal attack and they are not.

Let it be.  Please.  For the sake of harmony.

[Drythe]

@PamfromCT 

Good to see you.  I read your comment to be that you were not trying to play ‘one up’ on what had already been posted.  Seemed fine to me.  As for ‘snarky’ I fall back on the old salt ‘communication lies in what has been herd, not what was said.’ 💙

@chickenbutt 

Having walked the road myself, I’d be proud to hold your hand.💙

[spiderw]

My job for 41 yrs. was counseling families and children.  I also made daily home visits.  I saw abuse in so many forms, emotional, mental and of course physical.  I always reported these situations to the proper people in and out of school.  My conscience wouldn't allow me to ignore the signs.  

This waitress was a hero and did the right thing hands down.  I have much admiration and respect for her actions as I can relate and know what goes through your mind when you see this abuse.  During my visits I also reported animal abuse which I didn't often see but couldn't ignore either.  

God bless this woman for doing what was right and just for those children.  

[PamfromCT]

@Drythe, Hello to you.  Hope you are well and doing ok.  We are ok, staying put, and have an appointment for that first shot.  Our grandson will be 13 on Monday.  He’s such a good boy, as his little sis.  Take care.

[MoonieBaby]

@KingstonsMom 

I applaud the waitress for two reasons:

1 - the obvious - she stepped in an saved this boy from a slow and painful death at the hands of his TRASH mother and the DESPICABLE man her mother was involved with.

2 - For not luring the man out behind the restuarant to beat him to death with a cast iron skillet.

I know I would have helped the child, but I'm not sure I wouldn't have given him a cast iron beating about the head......true story, I know me.

[Drythe]

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@spiderw wrote:

My job for 41 yrs. was counseling families and children.  I also made daily home visits.  I saw abuse in so many forms, emotional, mental and of course physical.  I always reported these situations to the proper people in and out of school.  My conscience wouldn't allow me to ignore the signs.  

This waitress was a hero and did the right thing hands down.  I have much admiration and respect for her actions as I can relate and know what goes through your mind when you see this abuse.  During my visits I also reported animal abuse which I didn't often see but couldn't ignore either.  

God bless this woman for doing what was right and just for those children.  

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@spiderw 

There is a special star for you. 💙

[CAcableGirl2]

@MoonieBaby   I would be right there with you. 

[chickenbutt]

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@PamfromCT wrote:

Thank you, @Porcelain, for your kindness.  I think of that little boy all the time.  I want to contact the state, not to find out exactly where he is (they can’t do), but to confirm he is out of danger.  I would like to buy him a bike, his siblings, too.  Sometimes the kindness of strangers can give a tiny bit of solace.  Whatever he might need or want.  My DH is turning 80  

and I am 76 - not exactly primo for foster parents!

And I do thank you for your sweet reply.  There are some people here you think you know...but then you realize you do 

not.  Always known you to be kind.

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(bolded by me)  You're right about that.   My only good childhood memories are from teachers who were kind and caring.  I've never forgotten that and I hope I never do.

I often think that people like teachers and others who provide that kindness that some kids don't get anywhere else may not realize how much it means and how it's the one thing to hang on to.  This is why I always tell about how much that can mean to some who don't have any kindness and caring at home.   It's just everything for some kids.

Those of you who are teachers, or others who are in the realm of kids frequently, can and DO make all the difference.  Going to school was the one thing that felt ok and not scary.    But the kindness, was probably the only thing that kept some kids going.

If you are that person, you need to know that and you need to be thanked for that.