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Honored Contributor
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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?

This is one of those situations where I can see both sides, I'm just not sure.🤔

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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?

@Sweetbay magnolia

 

This 'rule' only applies to girls not being allowed to say no if asked.

 

No rule for the boys.

 

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?

Where my grandkids went to junior high they did a thing at dances where the kids all tossed their shoes in the center of the floor then everyone grabbed a pair of shoes and danced with the owner...you didn’t know who it would be.  

 

No no one was ever told they HAD to dance if someone asked.  At that age the focus was not on a lot of slow dances....it was mostly fast dances where groups were dancing together.  

 

I always told my own children....it takes a lot for some young kids to get up the nerve to ask someone to dance..It would be polite to accept the invitation to dance, unless they had a reason not too....the person was someone who was rude, or inappropriate in some way.  If they were uncomfortable, they should feel free to say no thanks.  

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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?


wrote:

Romantic gesture, would that be considered a slow dance? These dances can end up just being a popularity party. Does anyone not remember the the school dances where the walls were lined with kids who were too shy to ask someone to dance or wasn't liked enough to be asked. If the kids really don't want to be social and actually dance then they should not go. I think that the schools way of being all inclusive is a good idea. I remember back in the 50's where our elementary school required that if you were giving valentines, you must include everyone in the class. I know for sure that if it was not a requirement some poor kids would not receive valentines.

 

@blackhole99

 

I grew up with the same rule about classroom valentine's day cards, but physical contact, as in dancing, is a whole different matter, IMO.


You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?


wrote:

Where my grandkids went to junior high they did a thing at dances where the kids all tossed their shoes in the center of the floor then everyone grabbed a pair of shoes and danced with the owner...you didn’t know who it would be.  

 

No no one was ever told they HAD to dance if someone asked.  At that age the focus was not on a lot of slow dances....it was mostly fast dances where groups were dancing together.  

 

I always told my own children....it takes a lot for some young kids to get up the nerve to ask someone to dance..It would be polite to accept the invitation to dance, unless they had a reason not too....the person was someone who was rude, or inappropriate in some way.  If they were uncomfortable, they should feel free to say no thanks.  


@alicedee

 

Great post! That's how I feel about it!

 

Be nice and accept, unless you're uncomfortable, but not because you 'have to'.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?

@IGI stick by my assessment of the situation, if the kids are not mature enough to handle dancing as physical contact with someone they don't like or think isn't cute enough, then this dance is not for them. The parents who are concerned should show up to the dance as chaperons.

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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?

Reason 1,847,892 that I'd never put a child of mine in a public school.

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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?

My children went to parochial school and they did things exactly the same. 

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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?

[ Edited ]

I don't think it's educators jobs to teach kindness. As so many schools seem to turn a blind eye to bullying, I find this edict a bit disingenuous. Being kind and respectful needs to be taught at home - sadly that's not happening in way too many homes, so I have no solution.

When I was 16 and allowed to start dating, the biggest math and science geek (think plastic pocket protector and black electrical tape keeping his eyeglasses together) called and asked me, the cute, peppy, popular girl to the movies. I accepted as I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and it was only a movie. We went to a popular pizza place after the movie where many of our classmates were. Back at school on Monday I took a lot of ribbing from my girlfriends and Stuart got a lot of "atta boy" from the cool guys. Stuart and I had a lot of fun together all through high school, and became great friends - nothing more. He became my math tutor (by the time we were high school seniors he was going to a nearby college for math and science classes). With his tutoring and patience I became a math wizard in geometry, trigonometry and calculus. We keep in touch to this day. After receiving his PhD he landed out in California and today is a retired tech multi-millionaire. Gone are the plastic pocket protectors and taped up glasses! Teach your children kindness.


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Re: Utah Elementary Valentines Dance/Mandatory Consent?

I too see both sides. I understand the aspect of not being able to say no, and respecting peoples’ wishes.

 

But, two things - first, this is an elementary school, where children are supposed to learn social basics, including being kind and considerate to others. It’s in elementary school that you can teach children to be kind to the disabled, the mentally challenged, or those just “different” in some way. If they don’t learn it in elementary school, it’s too late. The parents? Sure, they should teach this, but many, maybe even most, do not, because they don’t feel that way themselves - they too would pass by, shun or ridicule those different. So with parents out of the equation many times, at least the school is making an effort.

 

Second - this takes place in an extremely religiously conservative state. Doubtful that much boy-asking-girl occurs, and everyone would have a heart attack if a boy asked a boy or a girl asked a girl. So, those things most likely would not have ever been an issue at this school. Just my personal opinion here, but I think most females who reside in Utah are taught from birth that they are subservient and second class. Those who would really fight that will run into a brick wall as long as they live in Utah. The state and its people are not going to change.

 

It sounds to me as if the school is trying to do a good thing, within the context of living in Utah.

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