Community Chat

[dobiesrule]

Ford, I'm new to the boards, although I have read them for years. You seem like a very kind, well balanced person and I enjoy reading your posts. I am sorry about the problem with your daughter, but so glad it is resolved. I personally think adult daughters can sometimes be difficult, even though at this stage of our lives, it seems we should just be friends with no big issues. However, it doesn't always work out that way, at least for me. BTW, I am so thankful for the information you found out about the dental plan. I am going to join a plan. I would never have known about it if not for you.

[sylviahomeatlast]

my only daughter is pretty volatile and jumps to conclusions---when she was in middle. (she's 42 now) school, was the last time we had a knock down drag out argument---I like to think I've grown up and can listen

[kittymomNC]

Ford, I'm so glad to see that you and your daughter have apparently come to terms with what happened. And I understand what you mean when you say you will never figure it out -- sometimes we just have no idea what will set someone off or be perceived in the wrong way, or why. Maybe one day the two of you will be able to talk about it, but for now, mom and daughter seem to be back on the right track.

[LilacTree]

On 8/7/2014 tansy said:

On 8/7/2014 Ford1224 said:

For those of you who said to give it a little time, and for those of you who said call her right away . . . I didn't have to make that choice. She walked in about 2:30 this afternoon. I was pretty surprised. We did not bring the issue up, we sat outside not saying much, but in a pleasant way.

Then she asked me what was in the box she brought in with her and I told her "towels." She opened the box, took the towels out and said she would wash them and bring them back.

I felt as if a telephone pole had been lifted off me. We did a little small talking, and she left. I'll never for the life of me understand what happened last night, but I am going to forget about it. Maybe she had a beer or something (she is not a drinker). Coming over like that, so soon, I believe was an apology and I don't care that she didn't officially "apologize." As we all know, actions speak louder than words.

Thank you again, my dear friends for your wise comments and caring. I will probably get undressed now and go to bed . . . I need the sleep!!

I LOVE happy endings! You have a good family, Ford

Yes, I do Tansy. We are a loving family, including my extended family. I do have an estranged daughter, my oldest, and though I have tried, that will probably never change. My heart goes out to her over how lonely she must be . . . but she has chosen it. I still love her and always will. So nothing's ever perfect for anyone.

However, right now I am a very, very lucky woman.

[LilacTree]

On 8/7/2014 dobiesrule said: Ford, I'm new to the boards, although I have read them for years. You seem like a very kind, well balanced person and I enjoy reading your posts. I am sorry about the problem with your daughter, but so glad it is resolved. I personally think adult daughters can sometimes be difficult, even though at this stage of our lives, it seems we should just be friends with no big issues. However, it doesn't always work out that way, at least for me. BTW, I am so thankful for the information you found out about the dental plan. I am going to join a plan. I would never have known about it if not for you.

Oh, I am so happy about that, dobiesrule! My plan also covers eyes and yours probably will too. I can only afford to get the work I am having done now because of the discounted plan. Ironically, it was the daughter I was talking about in this thread who suggested I look on the web for "senior health discount plans," and then, of course I found this, which is not only for seniors, but for family members as well, for a very low additional annual cost. In fact, I put this daughter on that plan for about $40 more a year. I'm so happy that post helped some folks!

[LilacTree]

On 8/7/2014 kittymomNC said:

Ford, I'm so glad to see that you and your daughter have apparently come to terms with what happened. And I understand what you mean when you say you will never figure it out -- sometimes we just have no idea what will set someone off or be perceived in the wrong way, or why. Maybe one day the two of you will be able to talk about it, but for now, mom and daughter seem to be back on the right track.

Yes, we probably will, kitty. This daughter is really one of the sweetest people I know, which is what was so shocking. But we're "good" now, as they say.

[LilacTree]

On 8/7/2014 ury said:

Ford, I'm so glad things worked out. Have you heard the quote -- A mother is only as happy as her saddest child?

Having such big hearts and over active minds for our adult children, and their families, is something that caught me off guard as an empty-nest mom. My youngest is 26, and all three children are great people, but I've had many sleepless nights. I have 3 young grandsons and one was being bullied in Kindergarten last year. It broke my heart. But of course, things got better and he's now buddies with the boy who bullied him. I think I'll get my worry chip removed. I wish! But I'm learning to have more faith and pray instead of worry. A mother's heart is something else!

Yes, I agree. One thinks "oh once they're out of the house, I'm free." Well, as you said, we're never free, and their grownup problems are far worse than their younger years' problems were . . . and harder to help too.

[~moxie~]

My daughter can be less than understanding with me. But I never lost any sleep over it. She is her dad and can be caustic at times and I forgive her for that. I love her with all my heart. Most of the time she is loving and kind. She has a lot of stuff on her plate. She is den mother and troop mother for the boys scouts and she is a teacher aid. My grandson takes art classes as well as plays in sports she is also going through early menopause.

[LilacTree]

On 8/7/2014 ury said:

Ford, I'm so glad things worked out. Have you heard the quote -- A mother is only as happy as her saddest child?

Having such big hearts and over active minds for our adult children, and their families, is something that caught me off guard as an empty-nest mom. My youngest is 26, and all three children are great people, but I've had many sleepless nights. I have 3 young grandsons and one was being bullied in Kindergarten last year. It broke my heart. But of course, things got better and he's now buddies with the boy who bullied him. I think I'll get my worry chip removed. I wish! But I'm learning to have more faith and pray instead of worry. A mother's heart is something else!

No, I have never heard that quote, ury . . . but now I will not forget it because it is so true.
I know I'm not supposed to, but I live for my children and my grandchildren. And so did my beloved sister, who passed away August 12 three years ago. I feel her loss so much for myself, but also for her love of her children. And things have happened in the last three years that would have thrilled her over the moon (like the births of two great grandchildren) and it grieves me so much that she will never know.

[qvcaddition]

Ford: I have read your post on board. I want to say this is not about me, but I know the pain you are going through. My daughter, (52) and I did not speak for a year, and I had no idea what she was upset about. Menopause, and could not take her anger out on anyone else, but me because people think she is such a sweet lady.

I tried to call many times in that year, and always got answering machine. Just wanted to know what the heck I did and I was sorry for whatever it was, and I finally gave up. Not invited to dinners through the holidays, no calls from Grandkids, they are in their 30's.

One day I'm walking my dog and she pulls up along side me in her SUV and says, 'HI MOM". The elephant in the room was never discussed, and I push nothing because I don't want to hear the screaming at me if I say the wrong thing.

So, I know the pain. Haven't heard from her in two months until yesterday and she called like nothing happened. She lives around the corner. I made the first phone call two days ago, because of not hearing from her. I was ill and she knew it a week ago, but no call to see if she could help.

At least you have a better relationship with your daughter than I do, so it will patch up soon, and the best of luck. I pray to God everyday to take away the pain from my heart.