Community Chat

[BrattyOne2]

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@Nomorebirthdays wrote:

I have always make sure my family knows I have enough stuff, they know I like to clean, but dusting not so much.

Every Christmas they give me more, this year 3- 12x12 matching pictures for kitchen.  Nothing wrong with them, not cheap, but I just do not want them.

Also a large glass weather thing, glass balls in liquid. Very modern in style, my home is very country-traditional.

The problem is they are family and both scan my home every time they enter.

I am not hard to gift, they know I like jewelry, gloves, sweaters, cozy Jammie, socks, Pima t-shirts from llbean.

What to do??????

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@Nomorebirthdays

I'm 21 and I would definitely want to know if something I gave as a gift was not liked or wanted.  I spend a lot of time searching for things that I think will be perfect for each person that I'm gifting too.  Not even counting the amount of monies I've spent on those gifts.  I'm sure their whole goal was to get you sometihng they thought you would like and would make you happy.

It would be more mature of you to just be honest and tell them that the gifts they've given aren't really particularly your style or things you need.  You might tell them you'd prefer a gift card to certain stores or one from the Q. 

Just giving their gifts to charity and then lying about it to them is just wrong because in the future they're going to continue to give you things you don't want and you're giving it away.  It's just wasting their time and money and both of those things are very valuable...at least to me they are.

I would also like to know when we as a society stopped being thankful for things we are given.  When did it become acceptable to complain about a gift? 

Sounds to me like everyone needs a lesson in learning how to communicate better!

[Krimpette]

@Nightowlz. I guess that's kind of my point.  If they don't care to accept my suggestions, then I wouldn't worry about their feelings by not seeing their "stuff-that-I-didn't-want" displayed!  (LOL!)

[jackthebear]

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@Krimpette wrote:

Pardon me, but I think they're being kind of rude...especially when you gave them suggestions.  Next time, I'd be inclined to say that " I really can't use any more things for the house, but I'd love to have........(insert wish here)".  And if they still give you something for the house, I'd have no qualms about putting it away and not feeling obligated to display it.  (Just me, I guess.)

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It is rude because the recipient is being burdened with an unwanted item that they have to display or store

i read on another board something like

a gift freely given should not be a burden 

so it's yours to get rid of 

[faeriemoon]

Say thank you and donate.

I would NEVER say, "Get us such and such instead."

If they ask where something is, that would be your chance to speak up and say you don't need any more home decor items.

[alicedee]

This is what I would do....maybe it would be something you are comfortable with.

Around Thanksgiving time I would give my kids a short written list of things like you mentioned...pajamas, gift card to ______, etc,  and at the same time say "I've realized I have so much stuff that it's time to downsize...I've been going through things and wow, what a job!"  Something like that.

Then...if you still get "stuff"....I would just smile and say thanks, and tuck it away for awhile, then eventually donate.  No sense in hurting feelings...if you are a close family in the really important ways...that's what truly counts.

[chiclets]

Do yourself and them an honesty, tell the truth.

Thank them for the thought and kindness and relate your feelings concerning stuff. If you do not want something, say so. 

You and others will have an honest understanding concerning the matter.

[occasionalrain]

Unless asked, it's unbelievably rude to tell someone what "gift" is acceptable to you. The choice of a gift belongs to the giver. The only acceptable response is thank you. What you do with the gift is your choice. A thoughtul person would display the gift for a time or when the giver is coming by. It's also rude, unacceptable for the gift giver to ask the recipient what they did with the gift they had given them.

[Pook]

It doesn't matter in many cases whether you flat out tell them you can't use what they give you, some will still give what they want and in most cases no thought at all is given to what you might like - just buy any old thing so you can have a gift to give.  I give relatives of my SO's cookies at Christmas time because I know they really like them.   I have told them over and over I do not want gifts and I give them the cookies because I know they like them.  I have asthma and cannot tolerate scents.  This couple has seen me have asthma attacks due to scents.    My SO has told them the same thing over and over.  Every year they get me Victoria's Secret perfume.  My SO has told them I have asthma and cannot use perfumes and that they do not have to feel obligated to buy me a gift.  Last year the wife mentioned about my asthma and scents and sounded like she got the message.  Well - guess what more Victoria's Secret perfume!!!  They are so wrapped up in buying gifts to give to everyone but don't care whether the gift is something the recipient can use!   Well I'm done thanking them and if they want to waste their money let them.  

[occasionalrain]

Victoria Secret perfume, a nice gift to give a women's shelter. Most unwanted gifts would be wanted by someone so give the ones not wanted to them, a gift that goes on giving. Even if it goes to Goodwill, someone may be pleased to have it.

[JaneMarple]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

Unless asked, it's unbelievably rude to tell someone what "gift" is acceptable to you. The choice of a gift belongs to the giver. The only acceptable response is thank you. What you do with the gift is your choice. A thoughtul person would display the gift for a time or when the giver is coming by. It's also rude, unacceptable for the gift giver to ask the recipient what they did with the gift they had given them.

I totally agree with you @occasionalrain, What is wrong with just saying thank you? 

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