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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,055
Registered: ‎01-30-2015

Re: Unsolicited "advice"

[ Edited ]

Ironic, since these boards seem to elicit unsolicited advice on nearly every post....

 

i would want to know why my "friend" thinks I NEED so much "advice" ...doesn't sound like they have much faith in, nor respect for, you and your decisions...

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,258
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Hi Ford,

 

It seems to me that this person's world revolves around her and that world is full of angst and hate.  She may have been abused earlier in life. 

 

Plus, she seems to be one of those bossy types.  I knew many when younger.

 

That said, which isn't much, if it were me I'd use an expression I actually had to use at work: "With all due respect.................."

 

So what we have is a sorry soul who needs to be told, "With all due respect, your unkind demands on me are badly affecting my health and I simply cannot take it any more."

 

To close, I wouldn' give her the satisfaction of an answer - ever.  the "friendship" is not worth it.  There's better out there for you.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,891
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

If you want to preserve the friendship, perhaps you could say, "I appreciate your advice but sometimes it's even better if you just listen." She may not be able to stay quiet but at least you can say you tried in nice way. Telling her off will likely be the end of the relationship but maybe that would be better for you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,481
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I don't think unsolicited advice is ever welcomed by anyone.

 

If anything it only makes me dig my heels in further!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 699
Registered: ‎02-16-2011

Definitely let it go.  Friends are supposed to enrich your life and make it better.  If they don't, it's time for the friendship to end.  Not all friendships should last forever.  Like anything, they often run their course and end.  that is ok.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 34,955
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@LilacTree  Cut your losses... this is a passive-aggressive tactic and the only thing that MIGHT work is to "bring it to the surface."

I did this with my DMIL and it worked.  (You may have inicated that you have already done this)

 

One says (repeating back the friend's own words or demeanor) "I understand that you feel that I ___________(ie: should not buy these things/should not eat these things/should not do these things ...)

 

I studied about this a lot (and received counseling) for this because these were personality tactics used by my mother.  These can be a form of bullying).

 

If you bring it to the surface in this way... you will probably get your answer.  If she says, "Well, yes, it DOES bother me... and here is why..." then you can discuss it.  If she throws a hissy-fit, walk away from the "friendship."  HTH

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,499
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

People are always telling me what to do with my MONEY.    They don't even know if I have any.......................

♥Surface of the Sun♥
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@LilacTree wrote:

How does one handle a "friend" who constantly provides you with unsolicited "advice" (which is really criticism) and then gets angry when you don't take it?

 

Additionally, in between the various "advices" given are assurances of how much this friend "cares about you," and the advice is being given "for your own good." 

 

You answer, sometimes in honest disagreement (but not nasty), and you never hear from the "friend" again.

 

Do you continue to try to pursue the friendship or just let it go?

 


Hi Ford !!   Nice to see you on here!

 

I don't know the background on how long you've known this person or why you would label them a "friend" ...... but my take on this is that this is a passive aggressive acquaintance, and NOT a friend by any stretch of the imagination.  

 

 

There is nothing at all to "pursue" ..... it's time to separate the wheat from the chaff.

 

Just my two cents.


Hi Tinkrbl, thanks for the welcome.

 

I agree with your response completely.  "Passive aggressive" is exactly the way it makes me feel.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@Desertdi wrote:

People are always telling me what to do with my MONEY.    They don't even know if I have any.......................


They may be trying to find out?

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

@LTT1 wrote:

@LilacTree  Cut your losses... this is a passive-aggressive tactic and the only thing that MIGHT work is to "bring it to the surface."

I did this with my DMIL and it worked.  (You may have inicated that you have already done this)

 

One says (repeating back the friend's own words or demeanor) "I understand that you feel that I ___________(ie: should not buy these things/should not eat these things/should not do these things ...)

 

I studied about this a lot (and received counseling) for this because these were personality tactics used by my mother.  These can be a form of bullying).

 

If you bring it to the surface in this way... you will probably get your answer.  If she says, "Well, yes, it DOES bother me... and here is why..." then you can discuss it.  If she throws a hissy-fit, walk away from the "friendship."  HTH


A wise response, lovestoteach, thank you.  She did walk away by not responding back to me (for discussion).  I don't know if it was hissy fit or just indifference.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986