Community Chat

[LilacTree]

How does one handle a "friend" who constantly provides you with unsolicited "advice" (which is really criticism) and then gets angry when you don't take it?

Additionally, in between the various "advices" given are assurances of how much this friend "cares about you," and the advice is being given "for your own good." 

You answer, sometimes in honest disagreement (but not nasty), and you never hear from the "friend" again.

Do you continue to try to pursue the friendship or just let it go?

[Mom2Dogs]

OP...I'd probably just give them my 'look' and I think (well hope) they would get the idea I was not happy with their 'caring advice'.

[JustJazzmom]

LOL at the irony of you asking for  'solicited advice' from all of us here on how to handle a friend who gives  'unsolicited advice'.

[sandy53]

Let someone else be this person's friend.  She'd probably be happier with someone more needy than you. 

[millieshops]

I'd ask myself how that friendship was improving my life?  If the advice isn't good, is there some other reason to work on the relationship?  Mutual interests, true caring?  What's the value of the tie?

Not all friendships have to have universal value, but your post doesn't show me why you want to pursue this person's company.

[Ms X]

When she offers advice that you find insulting and then insists she's only trying to help, you should come back with some advice for her as well.  If you don't want to destroy the friendship, you could offer some kind of joke advice that's insulting but that obviously doesn't apply to her.  That way, she should get the idea but won't feel like she's been attacked.  If that doesn't work, I don't know what to suggest.  You could just say you find it insulting and she shiould stop.

[Marp]

If you are really finding that her constant unsolicited advice/criticism is annoying you would have to evaluate whether she has enough "redeeming qualities" and if you have enough tolerance to put up with the advice/criticism to pursue her. 

If the answer to both is yes then take whatever steps are necessary to appease her to once again become your "friend".

If the answer to either the redeeming qualities or your tolerance is no then I would say let her go but leave the door open.  She may come back at some point with a better understanding of where the lines are drawn.

[SaRina]

As I've gotten older, I have found it is a drain on my valuable time and energy to "entertain" "friends" whose thoughts/ideas/temperament don't jibe with mine.  It seems like this friend is a source of constant annoyance.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@LilacTree wrote:

How does one handle a "friend" who constantly provides you with unsolicited "advice" (which is really criticism) and then gets angry when you don't take it?

Additionally, in between the various "advices" given are assurances of how much this friend "cares about you," and the advice is being given "for your own good." 

You answer, sometimes in honest disagreement (but not nasty), and you never hear from the "friend" again.

Do you continue to try to pursue the friendship or just let it go?

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Hi Ford !!   Nice to see you on here!

I don't know the background on how long you've known this person or why you would label them a "friend" ...... but my take on this is that this is a passive aggressive acquaintance, and NOT a friend by any stretch of the imagination.  

There is nothing at all to "pursue" ..... it's time to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Just my two cents.

[LilacTree]

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@millieshops wrote:

I'd ask myself how that friendship was improving my life?  If the advice isn't good, is there some other reason to work on the relationship?  Mutual interests, true caring?  What's the value of the tie?

Not all friendships have to have universal value, but your post doesn't show me why you want to pursue this person's company.

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Because I really did think she was a friend, until I realized the only time I heard from her was when she was "caringly" admonishing me.  No, there was no real tie that impacted my life (or hers, I'm sure).