Re: Unknown Half Brother or Sister?

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

True story:

An individual who married into our family was adopted as an infant. He was born and raised in the UK, born between 1945 and 1950 (to keep things murky for privacy). He knew nothing about his parents.

It bothered him all his life. He heard rumors but wanted facts. The person in my family he married works in the medical field. Long story short, she suggested the DNA/family history search sites.

Fast forward to a year ago: he discovers his father is alive and well and living in the US. He was a soldier serving in Europe during WWII. He has 15 siblings. Met some of them and came to the US to meet his dad. Dad had unprotected s e x all over the place while there: England, Ireland, France, Germany, Italy...you name a place he was sent and there was a woman he slept with. Did he care? Nope. He thought it was FUNNY that he had so many kids all over the world. His current wife, however, has been made sick by it and has apparently been hospitalized with severe depression as they have 4 children of their own (plus grand and great grandchildren). They were MARRIED when he was sent overseas.

Let's just say that our family find him disgusting and so did ALL of the children who have discovered he was nothing but a sperm donor. Btw: he was contacted by EVERY woman....he threw out the letters. Some already knew this, others did not. HE told them this himself....laughing about it. What a POS.

How many other men do you think had this mind set? Being a cynic, I'm going to say it was the norm and not the exception.

hopi · ‎03-09-2010

@Marp wrote:

The article kind of made me wonder if I have/had a half brother or sister somewhere overseas.

Why??
It's only genetics, not family.

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

I think every child has the right to the truth about their heritage.

While this seems like a "let's blame men" thread, I've known several women who let's just say have been dishonest with their children as to who their biological father is for their own shady reasons.

Marp · ‎03-09-2010

@shortbreadlover wrote:
ithink that men and women need to be taught that they need to respect others . to do such things as father a child and not accept that fact says a lot about the person.

@shortbreadlover, the article I cited made it clear that many (most?) cases the father never knew he had fathered a child.

The eyes through which you see others may be the same as how they see you.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@SahmIam

Except for your last sentence (which I hope is not true) I agree with you.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

Marp · ‎03-09-2010

@hopi wrote:
@Marp wrote:

The article kind of made me wonder if I have/had a half brother or sister somewhere overseas.

Why??
It's only genetics, not family.

@hopi, mostly a matter of it not being something that I ever thought about in the past. However, if I did have a half-sibling that had wondered about his/her American father I would not hesitate to tell them what I could about the person my dad was. I would also be in a position to tell them without reservation that he never knew they existed or would have tried to find them.

Before anyone asks how I could make that assurance it is because I saw what dad did to a family member that fathered a child while stationed in Korea and tried to deny the child.

The eyes through which you see others may be the same as how they see you.

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

@Marp wrote:
@shortbreadlover wrote:
ithink that men and women need to be taught that they need to respect others . to do such things as father a child and not accept that fact says a lot about the person.
@shortbreadlover, the article I cited made it clear that many (most?) cases the father never knew he had fathered a child.

@Marp This is where I get ticked off. I have brought my sons up to "keep it covered or keep it zipped". If you have unprotected se x, there is ALWAYS the chance you can be a father. The pill was not around back then. IUD's were not around. What, exactly did these men THINK when they had unprotected relations with these women could happen? Really?!

Then you have how many individuals who said whatever they could to get into bed with these women. Again, lets look at the NORM of relations before marriage at that time. Come on.

In my family's situation, every one of the women were virgins. What price do you think they paid in their family, their town, their culture? There is a lot more to the story but I don't want to go into more detail due to privacy. It's sickening however, when you hear the stories. There are online support groups for the children who are discovering these men and finding out the truth about them (family member is in one). Siblings are all over the world and when they find a connection, it's not what they imagined.

BTW, this ALL came to be because of a school project and a child wanting to know their history. My youngest was into it as well a few years back because it was THE TOPIC in 5th grade and 6th due to what they were studying in history (immigration). If this child had not asked to put the family DNA up on the net, no one would have known the truth; his wife would not be suffering...so many lives turned upside down.

Be careful what you wish for.

Marp · ‎03-09-2010

What, exactly did these men THINK when they had unprotected relations with these women could happen?

@SahmIam, sadly I suspect it is the same thing many young men think today--she won't get pregnant the first time. Then, since there was no pregnacy after the first encounter why not go back for more.

The eyes through which you see others may be the same as how they see you.

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

I wonder if the men thought that they were going to die over there anyway....so they just didn't care....

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

@Marp wrote:
What, exactly did these men THINK when they had unprotected relations with these women could happen?

@SahmIam, sadly I suspect it is the same thing many young men think today--she won't get pregnant the first time. Then, since there was no pregnacy after the first encounter why not go back for more.

@Marp I can tell you that in my family members situation, the excuse was "honey, I'm shipping out tomorrow and may never come back so let's have this one night together so I can remember you by. When it's over and I'm alive, I'll come back to you".

What's worse? In comparing dates/times, a few of the half siblings in the UK figured out that he was sleeping with multiple women the same day/days of each other. Again, this story is told over and over in the support group by other individuals. Knowing this (and more), none of us who have a family member in this situation think these guys were as clueless as they proclaim. They simply DID NOT CARE. They wanted one thing and they got it.