Community Chat

[ROMARY]

P.S.

I guess I've just figured out that I must be toxic to some people.  

So, I'm going to 'control my own atmosphere' by just being myself.  

Just thinking:  'Oh, well'.......

[willdob3]

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@Foxxee wrote:

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@willdob3 wrote:

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@Foxxee wrote:

A pessimist's label for someone with a positive attitude.

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@Foxxee 

No, I don’t think this is correct. 

An example is someone telling the person who has just lost his leg to be grateful because he still has the other leg. Or telling someone who has lost his home to be thankful he can live out of his car because not everyone who is homeless has a car.

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@willdob3 

Yes, but your example...loss of a leg, would cause someone to be pessimistic.  Substitute the words someone "upset" or "grieving" for pessimist.  Under those circumstances it's difficult to see the situation improving.  It's difficult to be optimistic. 

Those who come off as positive or optimistic during a time like this...your example..."You should be grateful you have the other leg", are very annoying and have no empathy for someone who has.  Optimists are toxic to someone upset or grieving.

I know, I have been in a somewhat similar situation...didn't lose my leg, but was grieving.  I was very pessimistic at the time...couldn't see the sun.  I wanted to get away from this annoying person.  

I don't even think these people are positive or optimists. This tactic is belittling others, making them feel less important, inferior, than yourself.  It's cruel, but the way they do it appears to others as positivity.  

Another example are chronic pessimists who see your average normal positive person a thorn in their sides.

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@Foxxee 

Loss of a leg doesn’t necessarily result in a pessimistic mindset but it is definitely a hard thing to deal with.

Someone telling the person who has lost a leg to be happy he still has the other leg is definitely using toxic positivity (yes, it is also annoying) by not acknowledging the person’s hard situation. Comments like this tend to make a person think that his/her feelings don’t matter, that they are worthless. 

[GrailSeeker]

I hadn't bothered to actually google the term "toxic positivity" before I started the thread.  I was surprised to see hundreds of articles about it today and the many different takes on what it actually means.

According to Urban Dictionary:

TOP DEFINITION

Toxic Positivity

Toxic Positivity is the belief that, "if you just stay positive, you will overcome any obstacle," to such a degree that you invalidate natural emotional responses and the person having those feelings.

Her Toxic Positivity left her friend feeling like his feelings were not important and he was overreacting.

2

toxic positivity

An Internet-wide phenomenon of suppressing discourse such as constructive feedback, pointing out flaws and suggesting improvements. People making any of these are deemed rude, offensive, and are ousted to great lengths due to the mentality of the necessity of walking on eggshells and forcing positivity so as not to hurt anyone's feelings and create a facade of a perfect paradise.

People can't improve or face reality when toxic positivity prohibits anyone from calling out any problems they may have.

I was actually thinking more of the second definition, but the first one is apparently what most people think of.

[jubilant]

Well, I think there are different ways to look at it,   but after thinking about it for awhile and just taking those two words into consideration....not reading anything into it this time... my shorter answer would be...thinking so positive that you deny there is anything negative and won't face the truth.

[jubilant]

I couldn't resist this.  This is one of DH's favorite movies.  Anyone remember 

"Oddball"

[embgm]

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@J Town Girl wrote:

To me an example of positive toxicity would be telling someone who just told you of a dire situation that they are having and your response would be to tell them that they should be grateful that they still have a roof over their heads.  

I think the idea that we should always maintain a positive attitude no matter what difficulties we are encountering is just not realistic nor healthy for us.

Many times people just want to be able to share their emotions with us and by giving them the idea that they should always see the silver lining in every situation it just makes them feel ashamed and guilty.  

I'm one who has always hidden my feelings and tried to always keep a smile on my face and throughout the years I believe that has hurt me.  I guess I believed that sharing my feelings were a sign of weakness and I always wanted to appear strong.  

I believe when we push the idea that things could be worse or that others have more substantial problems it makes people unwilling to share their feelings for fear of being shamed or being viewed as ungrateful for what they have.

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          This resonates with me totally. When I was going thru breast cancer treatment , I was told by a few people that the situation could be worse!  Thus making me think they were unempathetic to what I was going through. So I knew not to discuss my treatments with those people, even if they were close to me because they had no idea how difficult cancer treatment is on a patient!

[KaySD]

I didn't research it, but my impression is it means when one sounds  positive on the surface, but who knows what's underneath. Hypocritical. Phony. Insincere. Deflecting. Using words that are hard to object to s a smokescreen for very different meanings not being openly expressed. 

IDK, does that make sense?

[kimbobimbo]

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@GrailSeeker wrote:

I recently came across the term "toxic positivity" for the first time during a podcast.

When I thought about toxic positivity, I thought of the black and white yin and yang, and thought how if you fail to see the dark side, you fail to see the whole, thus not getting a true or accurate picture of reality.  We balance through the ability to see both sides.

Lately I am noticing a trend to minimize dissenting opinions about all kinds of little things by referring to such opinions as shameful or nasty, when nothing shameful or nasty at all was said. It was  just a dissenting opinion. 

When the words shameful and nasty were used, they appeared to be in effort to support the positive opinion by severely minimizing the opinion that said "no" by calling it shameful and nasty. 

To me, this is an example of toxic positivity.   How would you define the term toxic positivity?  

Maybe it's something like "Covid will just disappear" or "Covid is just like the flu" of course, those statements could also be defined as being lies.

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[KKJ]

And per usual, another thread turning into a Covid (and most likely political) thread! 

SMH

[stevieb]

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@GrailSeeker  I think both definitions you ouline above apply and whether or not the 'label' can be said to apply to both is almost irrelevant... The first definition is, for me, beautifully exemplified by the whole 'it's what you make it', mentality... The speaker is usually implying it's always possible to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear when it clearly is not... This outlook also resonates with those who belong to, as I call it, 'the everything is beautiful club', who take positivity and optimism to a whole new level... The second is, to my mind, apparently the goal of some for these very forums (and many other sources for personal expression), where never shall be heard a discouraging word... Neither, to my way of thinking, is remotely realistic or even particularly desirable...