Community Chat

[Imaoldhippie]

Not only was the man thoughtless, mean and cruel, he could never be trusted about anything ever again.  Kick his sorry @ss out!

[shoptilyadropagain]

I would get a second test and if the results were the same, he'd be out the door.

[Trinity11]

We all have dealbreakers in life. If I forgave my spouse for infidelity then why bother getting married in the first place? I don't want an open marriage. I would leave and much prefer to be alone then be with some jerk who disrespected me enough to cheat. And bringing an STD home? Over and done...

[FiddleDeeDee]

@CrazyKittyLvr2  Repeated behavior usually doesn't change so I agree with you if that's what you would choose to do.

My comment was regarding any situation where people state "oh, I would do this" and they don't when it actually happens. IME, it rarely happens that way. I also wouldn't judge what people choose to do within their marriage/relationship. Just because I would do XYZ doesn't mean others think the same way. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors either. Another reason to simply MYOB, lol.

[Silver Lining]

I know a very nice woman whom I see a few times a year. She left her husband about five months ago. She doesn't want a divorce but said it's okay with her if he initiates one. I didn't ask but I sort of think she doesn't want to argue over their beautiful home, financial assets, family inheritances, etc. I've known numerous couples who stay together for that reason. It can be the husband who wants out or the woman who would leave if she didn't have to give up or share their possesions. 

Anyhow, here's the kicker. About twenty years ago she left him when he gave her a STD. Both were tested and confirmed he was the culprit. I think he said it was a one-night stand, not love, when he was out of town on a work project. She was hurt and angry but eventually reconciled. They seem to love each other. I don't know what happened but a love affair or one-night stand by either one of them is probably not the cause. They both have some fairly serious health issues now so I'm sort of surprised she left. I wouldn't rule out another reconciliation. Again, I don't judge other couples.

[Peaches McPhee]

@SuhseK Did the man get a test for STDs, too?  

Wouldn't it be a twist if he DID NOT have an STD?  Then, the woman is lying right?

[Porcelain]

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@GenXmuse wrote:

If it's HPV, that's possible to lie dormant for years and can come and go and may not get picked up depending on if it's active or not when she gets screened so it's possible either one may have had it prior to their relationship. I wonder what prompted her getting tested? I don't typically have them run any at my physicals anymore. 
Definitely not enough information. 

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@GenXmuse has a good point. I think it would need more investigation. Retesting to make sure the results were accurate, testing of the husband to see whether he had the same STD.

And then there's the possibility that one of the partners contracted the STD 15 years ago and that it hadn't been detected before getting married or since because neither person thought they had a reason to get STD testing. Something like herpes could lay dormant like that for a long time. That would not point to cheating.

But if it turned out that the guy was cheating, I'd think she should give him a chance to come clean, go to couples counseling, completely change his ways permanently. If he wasn't up to all that, which he probably wouldn't be, then of course eventual divorce.

[RetRN]

It would seem like any woman with any self-esteem would not want to stay with a husband who cheated and gave her an STD. Just seems like common sense to get rid of the guy. I do realize than many women would stay. It is so important to teach young women to get an education and always be prepared to take care of themselves.

[MomCat]

I know a woman this happened to.  She married for the first time in her 40's.  Her husband of a couple of years became an alcoholic and slept with prostitutes.  At first, she separated from him when she found out she had an STD.  She eventually went back with him, and they are beyond happy.  I was so surprised, but that taught me that I cannot judge what others decide.  This woman is very attractive and has a very successful career.  Personally, I would have easily walked away.  Whatever makes you happy!

[hckynut]

I took a vow that said something like this: "Till death due us part". There weren't any exclusions in our ceremony. 

Would say what my thoughts are on some other posts here, but will take the gentlemanly route, this time.

hckynut