Community Chat

[staciesmom]

Thank goodness you were successful in getting the keys from him. A couple of years ago, my dad entered the freeway from an off ramp and drove almost a mile in the wrong direction before getting hit by a dump truck. He didn't have a scratch on him and the other driver wasn't injured, thank goodness. We fibbed and told him that due to the accident, his license was revoked. We had been trying to get him to quit driving, but he just wouldn't comply. He could have been killed and/or been responsible for killing someone else. Very scary.

[Meowingkitty]

You did the right thing. My mother was 87 when she had a minor accident and she decided it was time to stop driving. I did all her grocery shopping and errands until she finally had to go into a facility. 

[Drythe]

@Plaid Pants2

I feel for you.  

My dad is my hero, we are so close, I love him, he is stubborn, and like all of us wants to do what he wants to do.  He taught me to read, to think, to have compassion, to forgive, to reason and draw my own conclusions, to value the little things, that Quantity is not Quality, and that Faux is not Fine.  

He will be 89 in March.

Riding with him scares me.  He used to be a wonderful driver, but now, not. I am the only child.  

This day will come for us soon, and I dread it.  While he is willing to risk himself to continue driving, it is not fair for him to make that decision for others.

He is stubborn.  I am too.  Guess where I got it?

I remind him often, I am as you made me.

Sending you best wishes, you made the right call.

[Say Nay]

You're a good daughter. 

[Moonchilde]

You did the right thing, of course. And I think that maybe sooner than you think, he will see it too. I hope so. Regardless, I'm sure that deep down, he knows the tough love is LOVE.

[Snowpuppy]

Good for you !  I know so many people who refuse to confront the issue or live in denial.

I already had that talk with my own kid. When Im ready or he notices I can no longer drive well, its time to stop.

There is a community bus here and while it takes planning to ride the bus I can do so without a second thought. I took the bus many times when I needed to get to work in the city.

I dont see trading car keys as = to living as a shut in and growing cob webs in your hair.

[Kachina624]

@Plaid Pants   You and your relationship with your dad remind me so much of the one I had with mine.   He lived with me his last year,  and his contribution was our food either groceries or eating out.   We ate out a lot. 

He lost his license when he could no longer pass the eye test due to macula degeneration.  He drove far longer than he should have.  I retired and moved here in order to support them since mom also had MD and couldn't drive.   Just remind your dad that many seniors can't drive ever again. 

[RedTop]

My 81 year old Mom gave up driving 4 years ago, but continues to hold onto her license.   

My brothers and I always wondered if Mom would recognize when it was time for her to stop driving, and she did.   Her father stopped driving within a few years after he retired.  Papaw had worked on the railroad, on the train, and was gone from late Sunday until late Friday.   Once retired, and driving more often in local traffic, he developed high anxiety if he drove outside of our neighborhood.   He realized that was not a good thing, and gave my Mom his car, since she was the one to drive her parents where they needed to go.   

When Mom realized she too had developed high anxiety about being out in local traffic, and connected that condition to being exactly what prompted her dad to give up driving, she let my brothers and I know she was agreeable to letting us be her drivers.  We were very surprised, and knew it was a difficult decision.  It wasn't until this year that I actually heard her say she was relieved not to have to drive herself anymore.   

[patbz]

My Dad had macular degeneration and didn't realize his vision was so bad he couldn't drive.  He picked DH and me up at Dulles after dark and only made it to Silver Spring with my husband giving him constant verbal ques.  He was in his early 80s and didn't give us a fight when we took his keys and gave away his car.  I hope I can make my own decision when the time comes but who knows?

[Big Sister]

@Plaid Pants2   You did the right thing in following through with your "threats" to disable the car if he did not give you the keys.

That time will come for all of us and your dad will be grateful he has you to help him.  Think of all the seniors facing this problem with no one to help.

It's a worry for all of us.