Community Chat

[SahmIam]

People stay married because they get something out of it... that "it" can mean MANY things. WHen you STOP getting something out of it, you divorce. We can make every excuse in the book for staying but.... you're staying because you're getting something out of it.

I heard this from a social worker who became a lawyer and advocate for abused women. We discussed it many times and over the decades, I've brought this up to many and every time, I've heard "OMG, you're right". We may not AGREE as to the reasons people stay married, but in the end, yep, it's because they're getting something out of it. Every. Time.

Obviously, Toni Tennille is no exception.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@SahmIam wrote:

People stay married because they get something out of it... that "it" can mean MANY things. WHen you STOP getting something out of it, you divorce. We can make every excuse in the book for staying but.... you're staying because you're getting something out of it.

I heard this from a social worker who became a lawyer and advocate for abused women. We discussed it many times and over the decades, I've brought this up to many and every time, I've heard "OMG, you're right". We may not AGREE as to the reasons people stay married, but in the end, yep, it's because they're getting something out of it. Every. Time.

Obviously, Toni Tennille is no exception.

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@SahmIam

Of course they are getting "something" out of it.   No big revelation there.

[SahmIam]

@Tinkrbl44  Didn't say it was. Happy now?

[Moonchilde]

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@febe1 wrote:

I think people stay in a loveless marriage for a long length of time b/c the marriage is just not all bad and there might be a  lot of friendship and companionship there. He could be an excellent provider, an excellent father, but the love is not there. People can care a great deal for each other, but the love is not there, I think. 

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From what I have read of the excerpts and her comments, it hasn't been that she's long felt he DIDN'T love her, but that he was unable to DEMONSTRATE love, either emotionally or with physical affection.  I think she's always felt he does love her, which is why she stayed and why she's tried so hard. I think she got to the point where she was up-to-here with him not putting forth any effort to meet her halfway, and she realized that he didn't love her enough to try and change at all. She was beating a dead horse, and that finally hit home.

She told him about the book before it was published and he didn't have a problem with it, saying she's always been a fair person. I'm sure this is something he knows about himself.

[Ibby114]

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@Ms X wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

A question for everyone here ..... how many of you have written and promoted a book?    

It's entirely possible the publisher assigned a publicist to the promotion of her book, and there is considerable coaching for the author on what to say and how to say it when they do interviews.   This is how books are sold, which is the publishers #1 concern.     

I also think there are a LOT of women who stay in unhappy marriages because they think they should stay ... and justify it with things like "well, he doesn't beat me" ..... or "he's a good provider" ....  or   "well, he doesn't sleep around" ... you get the idea.  

Nevertheless, I think there are a lot of married women with the "should I leave or should I stay" dilemma who might gain insights from her revelations.  This could help a lot of people.

If a woman has been beaten by her husband,  leaves and tells other women about it .... is that also "airing her dirty laundry"??    GMAB.

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That's a good point about the marketing of her book.  I hope she finds someone who makes her happy after all that.

She needs to be happy  with herself first! Hopefully she's doing a lot of soul searching, writing the book was probably cathartic.

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