Community Chat

[jubilant]

While my heart goes out to this family in the tragic death of their beautiful daughter,  I am not ready to accuse others here of being judgemental.  I see other posters who would have seen the dangers and who think this could have been avoided by a few simple measures.  It is so darn sad for all of us.  We don't want to cast blame.  We just don't want to see it happen yet again.

  Pools and ponds scare me to death around very small children.  Especially babies like this 19 mo. old.  Yes, it could have been any of us at any given moment but I agree with the posters who mentioned "play pens", pool alarms, locked doors, etc. Pool owners need to get with the program.

I also have witnessed young couples who won't restrain there babies in any way. They must think it is cruel or something. I did not overuse my play pen but when I had to use the bathroom, they were in it or in with me.....at least in those baby/toddler years.  A 19 month old should never be out of your sight. Baths were not taken until DH was home or big sister could keep an eye out. 

I realize that sometimes all you do is not enough.  Like another poster, my son came up missing in a department store and no one kept a closer eye than  I did.  It just takes one mistake. He ended up being just a few feet away from me hiding in the coats on one of those big circular racks. Yes, as someone else said, "there but for the grace of God could go I".  That doesn't mean that we shouldn't use tragedies like this to awaken awareness of how easy it is to lose track of an infant and how dangerous these pools can be.  I would rather imagine the family who has this pool will now install high up locks or even an alarm in the pool.  I think that is a "must have" for every pool owner. Especially if their are infants and toddlers around.

Yes, I am extremely sorry for this mother and it is not my intention to kick her while she is down.  Neither do I think it is most peoples intentions here.  

I say all this because I have recently seen small children, close to the age of this baby, running free while their parents are distracted outside....with a street just a few steps away. Children this age run....they don't walk.     

Hopefully this will raise awareness of the dangers of having a pool with small children and necessary steps will be taken by the owners to see that this never happens again in the way that it did. While, I don't think this mother should blame herself the rest of her life, I think it sends a powerful message to all who have infants and toddlers in their care.  Parents, Grandparents, and anyone else, for that matter.

[goldensrbest]

The house across the street from me ,has a pond the people have two small kids, no fence around it ,they do seem to be out when the kids are out there, but i still worry about it.

[qvcaddition]

@Lucky Duck

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@Lucky Duck wrote:

I didn't catch the entire segment this morning.  The part I did see was heartbreaking.  The dad did point out that their mission is to make other parents aware that the same could happen to their child.  He said he had taken the children to many doctor appointments and not once was safety brought up, particularly pool safety.  

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I wonder if now they will sue the Dr. For not bringing the subject up for discussion, instead of common sense on their and the neighbor,s part.

It seems in today's world, parents are also forgetting their kids in hot cars.

How can you forget a kid in the car?  Maybe looking at the smartphone  and toomuch texting?

[lil punkit]

I truly don't understand the comments about the inability to forgive a spouse if a tragedy happened when children were in their care!  For me personally, I know all the ways that I have received grace that may have averted an accident or tragedy - and then there all the times that I'm unaware of.  I would ask those who are in marriages where forgiveness seems to be off the table - to take a moment to consider that is being said.  While it would a herculean task to recover as a couple from the death of one's child under these circurmstances....i would certianly expect that my husband would with compassion, forgive me --as I would forgive him.  To me, this is the heart of what marriage is.

[Karie2022]

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@Shawnie wrote:

Tragic.  But no fence around that pool???  They fenced their own pool but go to a neighbor who hasn't?  I really can't stand to hear the can't watch them 24-7 excuse.  It's a toddler.  You watch them all the time.  If I were him I could never trust her with my babies.

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I agree...that’s exactly what you have do when you have toddlers, watch them 24/7..that’s your job, your only job...it’s exhausting and draining but those children are your responsibility and you chose to have them...I had twins, I was on duty all day every day..it was incredibly exhausting but you do it to insure the safety of your children. Having said that, I feel horrible for them, their hearts are broken and they can never make it right...very sad, beautiful little girl.

[jubilant]

@lil punkit

I agree....if we are to be forgiven, we need to forgive. A saying I often think of is...."Remember, when you point a finger at another person, you have 3 pointing back at yourself".  I always try to remember that.

[faeriemoon]

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@jubilant wrote:

@lil punkit

I agree....if we are to be forgiven, we need to forgive. A saying I often think of is...."Remember, when you point a finger at another person, you have 3 pointing back at yourself".  I always try to remember that.

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@jubilant

That's a really good quote.  I may borrow it sometime. 

[cherry]

Saying you would never trust  this person again, doesn't sound very forgiving to me @jubilant.  I don't think it is deserved either. She has raised 3 other children , and they all seem to have fared well

Her husband is supporting her ,and  if she were a bad mother, I don't think he would

[mousiegirl]

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@SeaMaiden wrote:

The little girl looked  just like her beautiful Momma.

  Just about the saddest thing to imagine....

if something like this had ever happened to my child while say in my DH's care... I do not know if I could ever forgive him...    

 That sounds so mean and awful... but, I imagine that is something that this couple will have to deal with on top of the loss of a child.   The guilt and so much forgiveness no matter how much love you have for one another.....

I know many marriages end with the death of a child... it is just so overwhelmingly sad and difficult to get through......

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@SeaMaiden  Some don't get rhrough it.  Do you remember the actor Bill Bixby?  His young son died of an illness, and his wife, about a year or so afterward, took her own life.

[Lipstickdiva]

I don't think anyone knows what they would do or how they would react until they are actually in that situation.  You may say you wouldn't be able to forgive, but you may find that you can.  OTOH you can say you would absolutely forgive, but in the situation, you may find that you just cannot.  Hopefully none of us will be in that situation.

On a different note, one of my very good friends put her dog outside and came back in the house. The dog was always allowed outside off leash as he never left the yard.  They didn't have a fenced in yard and lived on a fairly busy road, not in a development.

That morning the dog was in the front yard and she sat on the couch and dozed off.  Her husband got up about 30 minutes or so later, went outside and the dog had been hit by a car, presumably by someone who had gone off the road, judging from where the dog was found. 

Her husband came in the house yelling at her about how she killed the dog.  They ended up divorced shortly after that.  There may have been other issues in their marriage and this was the final straw but he couldn't get over the fact that she had been so negligent and the dog was dead.