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Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,542
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Today would have been my mom's 93 birthday. I knew her last birthday would be the last we would spend together. I'm sitting here so sad, crying and missing her terribly. Sunday will be the one year anniversary of her death, I feel the same one year later as I did in the beginning, there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,481
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

I am so sorry for your sadness. I was very close to my parents and I know the hurt I felt and still feel from their loss. I am praying for you.

My brother died suddenly last year and his birthday just passed. These dates are always hard.

I hope you can find some comfort. I'm thinking of you & sending hugs.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,806
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

@Jordan2 , I'm no expert, and I don't know your situation, but I can tell you my experience. I lost my mom in 2003, and I was gutted. It takes time and the length of time is different for everyone, but eventually it gets better. You never stop missing her, but it becomes a beautiful memory.  You may need to talk to a professional or a friend, I won't pretend to know. Losing your mom is a unique kind of pain, and I wish you the best. 🌺

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,712
Registered: ‎05-09-2010

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

So sorry for your loss.  My Mom died last year on August 20.  She made it to 90 years old last May.  I had a feeling that would be her last birthday.  She had just come out of the hospital and was in a facilty before she went into assisted living.  The staff there were very accomodating in that they gave her a cake and sang to her and arranged for us to have a video chat with her, that I recorded on my phone.

 

I still miss her more than ever.  Some days are harder than others.  We have had a rough go of it with the virus destroying the business my husband and I spent over 20 years building.  I need my Mom to just listen and tell me that everything will be all right.  She was the last parent to go, so my husband and I feel like orphans.  I am not ready to be the old, steady, understanding, and comforting force for our kids and grandchildren, when we still need that ourselves.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,088
Registered: ‎07-23-2014

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

@Jordan2 So sorry about your mom.  I know how heartbreaking it is to lose a parent.  My mom's been dead 9 years and my dad 4 years and I still miss them and think about them often.  It does get better though as time goes on.  I know it seems like it never will, but it does get easier. 

 

At first I couldn't think of my parents without crying, now I smile more often than cry when I think of them.  I still miss them, but it doesn't hurt as much.  After seeing how dysfunctional my husband's family was, I am so grateful to have had such loving parents.  It makes it harder when they're gone, but at least we can look back and remember all the good times we had with them.  

 

Sending you a virtual hug...

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,902
Registered: ‎08-31-2019

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

@Jordan2 Aw, happy birthday Mom. And, {{{cyber hugs}}} to you.

 

I totally understand. I've lost almost everyone in my family and recently a dear friend, of 45 years. I feel like I have no history left. I'm the only one who has it stored, now. 

 

The sadness never goes away. Over time, we DO learn to cope with it better. However, this first anniversary, is still very close for you, to begin seeing any light. But, hopefully you will. Just hang in,  and give it time, grief is not something you can rush. 

Super Contributor
Posts: 452
Registered: ‎04-04-2016

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

@Jordan2 i know this sadness.  My Mom has been gone two years and I miss her every day.  The anniversary of her passing, her birthday, Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas are all filled with profound sadness.  Remember your Mom loves you and wants you to be happy.  I'm sure you did all you could for her while on this earth.  Remember her pain and suffering are no more.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Take care of yourself.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,819
Registered: ‎05-09-2014

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

So sorry for your loss and the acuteness of your pain this week in particular. 

 

I lost both my parents more than 20 years ago.

Though each of us needs varying time, you will feel better over time. You don't get over it, it is just easier to accept and endure. You will feel better again, even though it seems so dark right now.

 

I've noticed a big loss becomes more bearable when you are able to remember your mom without the feeling of missing her. The nostalgia and emptiness of missing your mother is what hurts because the lack of her presence is so vivid. When you are aware that your life and mental state has moved to so many fond (or even a very few negative) memories, but without the sense of your aloneness, you will know that you are managing your grief better. You will always remember your mother in so many ways, but you won't actively miss her as time goes by. 

 

For grief the treatment is tender care, the cure is time.

 

Be good to yourself this week. Cry and acknowledge your feelings. But be assured you are understood here and wherever else you express yourself. 

 

And it will get better wtih time. Stay strong.

 

Sending a hug and a box of kleenex.

 

(I lost my sweetheart of 40+ years just 4 weeks ago today. We were so loving and vital to each other. I have been bereft and having to console myself. I know your pain). 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,542
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

Thank you all for the lovely words, I really appreciate them. We don't really know each other, but I have come to know a lot of the names and the online conservations, advice, and opinions mean so much to me. You all have been more sympathetic and kind to me, more so than people in my life who should be.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,404
Registered: ‎12-02-2013

Re: Today Is My Mom's Birthday

@Jordan2 

 

So sorry for the continuing pain at the loss of your mother on the first anniversary.  The posters that you mentioned are right on track.

 

And that tunnel with no lights: there is a bend in the track which is why you cannot see the light from where you are. It is waiting for your journey to make the turn.  It will in time.

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.
Sir Winston Churchill