Community Chat

[jaxs mom]

Create some affirmations that are specific to whatever you negative thinking issue is. Then repeat them regularly, especially when you start playing those old negative tapes in your head. 

[hckynut]

During all of the roughest times in my life, to get through them, Optimism was and is still, my best friend. Regardless of what one is facing, pessimism is of no use, and a waste of physical and mental energy.

No matter the darkness, I always see a glimmer of light at the end of the longest of tunnels. Tips?  Write down the positives you have, or have had in your life. Next to it, write the negatives. If one is honest with themselves, most will have a much longer list on 1 side of that ledger than the other. Which side is yours?

hckynut(john)

[chickenbutt]

I'm a realist, which many would consider to be pessimistic.   But I couldn't imagine constant optimism because I'd be disappointed so much more!  

But, hey, if I expect the worst it's either going to be what I already expected OR BETTER.   Nothing wrong with that.    

If I always expected everything to come out gloriously wonderful in this life, I'd spend most of my time being disappointed.   This is why I like being a realist.  It makes much more sense to me.  YMMV, and that's just fine.  

[hckynut]

@chickenbutt

I don't view results or expectations as disappointments or failures. Have all things met my expectations and optimism? Of course not, but that did not change my view of looking positively, versus negatively.

I too am a realist, but I don't see realism having anything to do with being an optimist. Really don't look at things where I missed my mark and say, oh I am so disappointed. My outlooks will always be for the good ahead, in spite of my realism. One can be a realist and an optimist, no person is limited to not being both.

I see no reasons to spend my time thinking about negative outcomes, and if ones life consists of doing so? Their choice, but not mine.

hckynut(john)

[Moonchilde]

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@chickenbutt wrote:

I'm a realist, which many would consider to be pessimistic.   But I couldn't imagine constant optimism because I'd be disappointed so much more!  

But, hey, if I expect the worst it's either going to be what I already expected OR BETTER.   Nothing wrong with that.    

If I always expected everything to come out gloriously wonderful in this life, I'd spend most of my time being disappointed.   This is why I like being a realist.  It makes much more sense to me.  YMMV, and that's just fine.  

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This is me. Being an optimist 24/7/365 about everything just isn't realistic or 'balanced.'  I look at something from all sides and calculate the likelihood (from what I know) of something turning out okay vs not okay. To me there is no point (and I certainly wouldn't be fooling myself in any way) in trying to force myself to believe that Everything will always Be Okay. It isn't always okay. And that's a fact.

[chickenbutt]

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Moonchilde wrote:

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chickenbutt wrote:

I'm a realist, which many would consider to be pessimistic.   But I couldn't imagine constant optimism because I'd be disappointed so much more!  

But, hey, if I expect the worst it's either going to be what I already expected OR BETTER.   Nothing wrong with that.    

If I always expected everything to come out gloriously wonderful in this life, I'd spend most of my time being disappointed.   This is why I like being a realist.  It makes much more sense to me.  YMMV, and that's just fine.  

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This is me. Being an optimist 24/7/365 about everything just isn't realistic or 'balanced.'  I look at something from all sides and calculate the likelihood (from what I know) of something turning out okay vs not okay. To me there is no point (and I certainly wouldn't be fooling myself in any way) in trying to force myself to believe that Everything will always Be Okay. It isn't always okay. And that's a fact.

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Yes!

I get the impression (here, anyway) that some people consider a realist or pessimist to be somebody who just sits around being negative about everything.

It's just that we think things out and base our expectation on stuff like facts and, well, just pure realism.

Don't even get me started on the people who ALWAYS, no matter what, say 'it's going to be ok'.  NO!  It's not always going to be ok.   Consider realism and you will know that everything is not always going to be ok, and that's fine.  (bit of a sore spot with me)

I'll ask 'and why do you think that it's going to be ok' (on something that has about a 99% chance of NOT being ok'.  The answer is usually a non-answer  like 'oh, I just know it is'.   No you don't!  You just wish it was and you live in your own created version of reality.  okey dokey then.  rolleyes

[Moonchilde]

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@chickenbutt wrote:

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@Moonchilde wrote:

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@chickenbutt wrote:

I'm a realist, which many would consider to be pessimistic.   But I couldn't imagine constant optimism because I'd be disappointed so much more!  

But, hey, if I expect the worst it's either going to be what I already expected OR BETTER.   Nothing wrong with that.    

If I always expected everything to come out gloriously wonderful in this life, I'd spend most of my time being disappointed.   This is why I like being a realist.  It makes much more sense to me.  YMMV, and that's just fine.  

---

This is me. Being an optimist 24/7/365 about everything just isn't realistic or 'balanced.'  I look at something from all sides and calculate the likelihood (from what I know) of something turning out okay vs not okay. To me there is no point (and I certainly wouldn't be fooling myself in any way) in trying to force myself to believe that Everything will always Be Okay. It isn't always okay. And that's a fact.

---

Yes!

I get the impression (here, anyway) that some people consider a realist or pessimist to be somebody who just sits around being negative about everything.

It's just that we think things out and base our expectation on stuff like facts and, well, just pure realism.

Don't even get me started on the people who ALWAYS, no matter what, say 'it's going to be ok'.  NO!  It's not always going to be ok.   Consider realism and you will know that everything is not always going to be ok, and that's fine.  (bit of a sore spot with me)

I'll ask 'and why do you think that it's going to be ok' (on something that has about a 99% chance of NOT being ok'.  The answer is usually a non-answer  like 'oh, I just know it is'.   No you don't!  You just wish it was and you live in your own created version of reality.  okey dokey then.  rolleyes

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Life isn't fair.  Everything in life is not going to turn out well. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows and unicorn f*rts - it just isn't. That's common sense and logic. But it's like some people honestly believe that if they ever doubt the outcome of something and it doesn't turn out well, they are responsible, because they (gasp!) doubted.

*More eyerolls.*

[chickenbutt]

That's a really great point, Moonchilde!  I think some folks were told at a young age that you MUST think positively about everything and everything will turn out ok.   

I can see how that could turn into them thinking that they weren't positive enough and they caused something bad to happen.

Well, fact of the matter is - nobody can control everything and certainly not by their wishes.  

Much of the stuff we learn during our formative years sticks with us, no matter how warped.   Hey, I'm as damaged as they next person, and probably more damaged than most.   I think one of the things that helped me through was reality-based thinking.  Making everything emotional will not usually turn out well.   In order to survive, one must not emotionalize everything.

Look at animals.  Their survival is based on realism.  Everything is what it is and you respond accordingly.

[truffle]

I'm an optimist but within reason. 

[catwhisperer]

@chickenbutt, @Moonchilde....I could not agree with you more about being realistic. People who walk around day after day thinking everything is all peachy keen are not living in my world. Thank you both for your realistic, down to earth comments.