Community Chat

[Cakers3]

Three men are heading out walking across a desert

#1 is carrying a large jug.

#2 is carrying a large lunch box.

#3 is carrying a car door.

#2 says to #1:  "What's up with the large jug?"

#1 replies: "It's going to be hot in the desert so I filled the jug with water in case I get thirsty.  What's up with the large lunch box?"

#2  I brought snacks in case I get hungry.

#1 and #2 ask #3:  "What's up with the car door?"

#3 replies:  "It's going to get very hot out in the desert.  I brought the car door so that I can roll down the window and get a nice breeze to cool off."

                                    *****

3 men are working construction high up on a scaffolding.

They break for lunch while sitting up high.

The first man:  "Not another bologna sandwich.  If I get one more tomorrow I'm going to jump!"

The second man:  "Not another tuna salad sandwich.  If I get one more tomorrow I'm going to jump!"

The third man:  "Not another ham sandwich.  If I get one more tomorrow I'm going to jump!

The next day at lunch time:

The first man finds another bologna sandwich and jumps.

The second man finds another tuna salad sandwich and jumps.

The third man finds another ham sandwich and jumps.

At the funeral for the men, the first wife says:  "If I only knew he didn't want another bologna sandwich I would have made something else."

The second wife says: "If I only knew he didn't want another tuna salad sandwich I would have made something else."

The third wife says:  "Don't look at me.  He makes his own lunch."

                                      *****

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn''t know
about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: OK. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

[febe1]

Thanks, @Cakers3 . My favorite is the last one. It's always time for a laugh.

My contribution to the last one: What is the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation!