Thinking outside the box - Page 3

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Goldengate8361 wrote:
@panda1234 This very unconventional but I gave a work colleague a nice card and a great CD of music that I happen to find particularly comforting and uplifting (it was classical type of music). I think he likes that kind of music anyway, so it made a very personal, sincere “bereavement” gift.

That is a great idea, something he will always have.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@Shanus wrote:
@panda1234 wrote:
Was wondering, other than flowers and homemade food, what have you sent or done for a funeral? I would like to do something that will be useful for the family.

@panda1234 If any younger children are in the family or children as family visitors, the long hours of hanging around get boring. I show up with my coloring books, crayons, waterproof markers and sketch pads & look for a quiet room to take them & give them a break.

@Shanus another wonderful idea. Doing things like this show thought.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@cherry gift cards to be used at a later time are always a welcome gift. I have given them to people getting out of the hospital and they are very much appreciated.

BirkiLady · ‎02-22-2015

During my mother's recent service, we paid for out-of-town family members to stay in a nice motel and their rental cars. They were able to check out the changes in the City since living here and had a wonderful time visiting good friends. We met at local restaurants for dinner each evening during the four day weekend. We planned mom's service so CA, FL and MN residents could view the total eclipse from Lincoln, NE perfectly and with us. (Might as well do something mom would have loved!) It was, indeed, a family-filled weekend and a celebration of mom's life. She was with us every minute of the time and would have been so proud of her service and no drama. I was with her for the past 14 years to walk the dementia path; she was never afraid or confused. We fought that horrible battle together and I tried to be a step ahead of her fears. Our family is grateful mom is now healthy and happy. At 94, she deserves to fly with the Angels! My son and I had no problem paying for the motel rooms or rental cars. No one else had any problem paying for their meals and flights. After the 14 years we had cared for mom, it wasn't asking much of them.

Frankly, I was exhausted from cleaning out mom's things, sorting through them, and saving items for family members or sending items to Charity or trash. Then there was planning the service, the music, writing the obituaries for various papers, etc. I simply asked not to bring food. I didn't want to be a hostess for relatives; nor did I have the energy to feed them or house them. I wanted to be waited on myself. My own health has been an issue for 19 years and helping mom has taken a toll. Family members and friends all understood.

Money screams; wealth whispers.

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@panda1234 wrote:
@Lilysmom
I do want to be of help to them instead of just saying, let me know if there is anything I can do. They do have a dog that I could watch, I am going to offer. Thank you.

I think that's a wonderful idea.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@Marp wrote:
@panda1234 wrote:
@libbyannE wrote:
We send a card and flowers or a donation to the family's designated charity at the time. Then, a month or so later, I send food. Most friends and relatives are scattered around the country, so sending food involves either ordering something from an online vendor or having a full meal delivered from the deli of a local grocery store.
Sending food at a later time, when everyone has forgotten is a great idea @libbyannE. She is my neighbor, so I may take her to lunch next month. I will save your idea for people out of town.
@panda1234, am I correct that your neighbor is newly widowed? If so one of the best things you can do for her "later" is visit with her and not be afraid of upsetting her by talking about her DH.

When my dad passed one of mom's major complaints is that friends and even most family did not want to talk about dad because they were afraid it would upset her or she would start crying again. She did get upset because they would not talk about dad and she wanted to.

Share memories with her. Let her tell you about how they met, encourage her to reminisce, show her that her DH may be gone but is not forgotten.

Most importantly, don't change your relationship with her. If you visited regularly continue to visit. Keep in mind that she is going through a dramatic change in her life and being alone may feel excluded because she is no longer part of a couple.

Be a shoulder, be an ear, be a friend.

This is so true. So often people don't want to mention the loss. While they don't mean it to be hurtful it does feel like you're expected to forget it all and move on way too quickly.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Marp - Best Answer!

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

I'll add that people like to know their loved one will not be forgotten. Some type of memorial donation or activity is a thought.

Planting a tree in their honor if they loved nature, naming a star after them to watch over the family, donating to a scholarship fund if they loved books or learning, sponsoring a zoo animal if they loved animals, etc....

BTW, prayers for this family and you. You are a great friend!

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@BirkiLady what a special time for you and your family, one you will always look back on. I completely understand how exhausted you were, I took care of my mom. What a lucky lady she was to have such a loving family.