Community Chat

[panda1234]

Was wondering, other than flowers and homemade food, what have you sent or done for a funeral? I would like to do something that will be useful for the family. 

[libbyannE]

We send a card and flowers or a donation to the family's designated charity at the time. Then, a month or so later,  I send food. Most friends and relatives are scattered around the country, so sending food involves either ordering something from an online vendor or having a full meal delivered from the deli of a local grocery store. 

[Lilysmom]

@panda1234, my neighbor recently lost her mother.  I sent food and offered to look after the dog  while they were at the funeral home or at the service.  LM

[Pook]

What is done a lot where I live is sending pizza or catered food to the funeral home as (at least in this area) they have rooms for food so the family and other morners can go to get away and grab something to eat.

[panda1234]

@Pook that is a wonderful idea. I have never seen it done here, must be a regional thing. I am going to look into this, thanks. 

[panda1234]

@Lilysmom

I do want to be of help to them instead of just saying, let me know if there is anything I can do. They do have a dog that I could watch, I am going to offer. Thank you. 

[panda1234]

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@libbyannE wrote:

We send a card and flowers or a donation to the family's designated charity at the time. Then, a month or so later,  I send food. Most friends and relatives are scattered around the country, so sending food involves either ordering something from an online vendor or having a full meal delivered from the deli of a local grocery store. 

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Sending food at a later time, when everyone has forgotten is a great idea @libbyannE. She is my neighbor, so I may take her to lunch next month. I will save your idea for people out of town. 

[cherry]

If there is a lot of people involved  I think food is always a good thing. It takes a great deal of stress off of  the mourners People need to eat and  children are always hungry no matter what.

If it is just a couple, or a widow a lot of food might be a burden  if many people do it

You could always give them a gift card for a meal ,from a restaurant, for a time they feel like going out

[CalminHeart]

A friend's husband just died.  There are 4 of us who lunch with her once a month.  We had full, cooked meals delivered from a grocerty store for a week so she wouldn't have to worry about feeding family, friends, herself.  

[Marp]

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@panda1234 wrote:

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@libbyannE wrote:

We send a card and flowers or a donation to the family's designated charity at the time. Then, a month or so later,  I send food. Most friends and relatives are scattered around the country, so sending food involves either ordering something from an online vendor or having a full meal delivered from the deli of a local grocery store. 

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Sending food at a later time, when everyone has forgotten is a great idea @libbyannE. She is my neighbor, so I may take her to lunch next month. I will save your idea for people out of town. 

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@panda1234, am I correct that your neighbor is newly widowed? If so one of the best things you can do for her "later" is visit with her and not be afraid of upsetting her by talking about her DH.

When my dad passed one of mom's major complaints is that friends and even most family did not want to talk about dad because they were afraid it would upset her or she would start crying again.  She did get upset because they would not talk about dad and she wanted to.

Share memories with her.  Let her tell you about how they met, encourage her to reminisce, show her that her DH may be gone but is not forgotten. 

Most importantly, don't change your relationship with her. If you visited regularly continue to visit.  Keep in mind that she is going through a dramatic change in her life and being alone may feel excluded because she is no longer part of a couple.

Be a shoulder, be an ear, be a friend.