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Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,461
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

@Firestripes wrote:

 

I don't have anyone to call, no friends. It was just mom and me and my family.


@Firestripes  That is enough for you right now, along with your therapist.

My suggestion is that friends are important but a friend may or may not be helpful; when others are dealing with their own issues they cannot always be a good sounding board for you.

 

I keep saying baby steps.  One step at a time. 

 

I wish you all the best; certainly posters here can support you to a certain extent but in the end it's up to you.  You know this.  You just need the skills and a rearrangement of your perception.

 

You can do this.Heart

""But tell me where do the children play"-Cat Stevens
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

There is more than just a need for grief therapy here.  FIrestripes mother abused her physically and mentally for years piling guilt trips on her and making ever increasing demands on her time and physical and emotional energy.  SHe waited on her mother hand and foot.  IT is going to take a very long time for all this to be resolved.  Certainly will not be resolved in just a few sessions.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,461
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

@KathyPet wrote:

There is more than just a need for grief therapy here.  FIrestripes mother abused her physically and mentally for years piling guilt trips on her and making ever increasing demands on her time and physical and emotional energy.  SHe waited on her mother hand and foot.  IT is going to take a very long time for all this to be resolved.  Certainly will not be resolved in just a few sessions.


@KathyPet  I agree.  There are layers to be unpeeled in any therapy session.

 

FEAR is the greatest thing that holds back people. 

Fear of admitting to things we may not want to admit.

Fear of moving outside of a perceived comfort zone.

 

When a situation is all one knows in the present moment, it is fear of moving out and beyond that holds a person back. 

 

Fear has us looking into an abyss, so to speak; what is in that abyss?  What is at the bottom?  What will happen if we take a step into it?  Fear of the unknown.

 

People tend to stay with what they know-good or bad.

 

Grief will always pop up; cues from the past or present can trigger emotions.  Eventually we learn to accept those emotions, acknowledge them, and let them pass.  We learn the tools and skills to do that.

 

 

""But tell me where do the children play"-Cat Stevens
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

@KathyPet wrote:

There is more than just a need for grief therapy here.  FIrestripes mother abused her physically and mentally for years piling guilt trips on her and making ever increasing demands on her time and physical and emotional energy.  SHe waited on her mother hand and foot.  IT is going to take a very long time for all this to be resolved.  Certainly will not be resolved in just a few sessions.


 

 

 

 

 

@KathyPet

 

 

 

Exactly!

 

 

 

That's why she needs to stick with her therapy for the long haul, and  not expect everything to be miraculously resolved in just one or two sessions.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,625
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

@Firestripes

It's easier to understand your feelings of emptiness reading that you have no personal friends to reach out to; your life has revolved around your mother, husband, and children.   

 

43 years of marriage and adult daughters in their late 30's have kept me busy.   I love my family dearly; they are still my top priority, but I've always had my own interests.   I have frequent communication with my best childhood friend of 57 years, my best friend from high school, and a large group of friends from where I last worked.   I have volunteered with a group for 40 years.  I just cannot imagine my life without my own personal connections.  

 

I urge you to start looking for your own interests to help pull you out of the set pattern of your life.   Think about signing up for an exercise class, or maybe you've always wanted to learn to quilt, join a local book club, volunteer at a school---our local elementary schools welcome volunteers who will listen to struggling readers.  

 

Please step outside of your comfort zone and just get involved with living life outside the walls of your home.   

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,527
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@KathyPet wrote:

There is more than just a need for grief therapy here.  FIrestripes mother abused her physically and mentally for years piling guilt trips on her and making ever increasing demands on her time and physical and emotional energy.  SHe waited on her mother hand and foot.  IT is going to take a very long time for all this to be resolved.  Certainly will not be resolved in just a few sessions.


@KathyPetGiven all that, I'm not sure I understand why she is suffering so much.  No more demands, no more guilt trips. no more waiting on someone hand and foot. 

 

In one of her posts I read that she spent time with her family and felt bad because she wasn't with her mother.  Now she can spend time with her family knowing that her mother is not waiting for her somewhere but instead is (fill in your own religious beliefs here).

*********************
Keepin' it real.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,668
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@esmerelda wrote:

@KathyPet wrote:

There is more than just a need for grief therapy here.  FIrestripes mother abused her physically and mentally for years piling guilt trips on her and making ever increasing demands on her time and physical and emotional energy.  SHe waited on her mother hand and foot.  IT is going to take a very long time for all this to be resolved.  Certainly will not be resolved in just a few sessions.


@KathyPetGiven all that, I'm not sure I understand why she is suffering so much.  No more demands, no more guilt trips. no more waiting on someone hand and foot. 

 

In one of her posts I read that she spent time with her family and felt bad because she wasn't with her mother.  Now she can spend time with her family knowing that her mother is not waiting for her somewhere but instead is (fill in your own religious beliefs here).


Seems to me that she can not separate the love she had for her mom,to the mom that abused her ,and i think kathypet,is correct.I wonder how much this is really effecting her life with her kid's and husband.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@esmerelda wrote:

@KathyPet wrote:

There is more than just a need for grief therapy here.  FIrestripes mother abused her physically and mentally for years piling guilt trips on her and making ever increasing demands on her time and physical and emotional energy.  SHe waited on her mother hand and foot.  IT is going to take a very long time for all this to be resolved.  Certainly will not be resolved in just a few sessions.


@KathyPetGiven all that, I'm not sure I understand why she is suffering so much.  No more demands, no more guilt trips. no more waiting on someone hand and foot. 

 

In one of her posts I read that she spent time with her family and felt bad because she wasn't with her mother.  Now she can spend time with her family knowing that her mother is not waiting for her somewhere but instead is (fill in your own religious beliefs here).


 

 

TO be perfectly frank I think this was obviously a EXTREMELY conflicted relationship.  She has stated that she had a loving relationship with her mother and yet has said her mother beat her with a coat hanger and pulled her hair when she was angry with her. her mother called her a average of 12 times a day with various needs and demands.  SHe stated that this relationship has caused conflicts with her daughter.  I am having a difficult time understanding why she is so grief stricken unless it is residual guilt.  AS I said this is going to take lengthy therapy to resolve.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

I wonder how all of this is affecting the family?

 

 

All I know is, couples have divorced because of grief.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,946
Registered: ‎03-19-2014

I lost my dad about a year and a half ago.  Our church offers a program called "GriefShare".  My mom and I both attended last fall and it helped us.  Although we both miss him terribly, what really got me through was just knowing he was no longering suffering and, as a Christian, knowing he is in a much better place and that we'll be reunited again one day.  

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Author Unknown