Community Chat

[Vamp]

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. 

I have been to therapy on several occasions, for various issues, including grief. My experience is there are good therapists and there are bad ones, and sometimes there are good therapists that you just don't "click" with, for whatever reason. You can assess pretty quickly if they are wasting your time. If there is not a connection, move on and find somebody whose style resonates with you. That being said, it takes time to grieve. Don't expect anyone to "fix" you overnight. It doesn't work that way. Cry as much as you need to. Truth is, you will never be the same. I don't think anyone really gets over losing a loved one--you just get used to walking around with a big hole in your heart. All that pain is a testament to how much you loved your mother. Your grief honors her. If things were left unsaid or undone, your mother understands as only mothers can. It's okay, and you're going to be okay. In the mean time, cry and then cry some more. It will heal you.

I truly wish that you find comfort and peace soon. Hold onto your sweet memories and let the pain go. (((Hugs)))

[kivah]

As I said, my situation was financial with added depression --- not psychologiocal/sexual/violent. For the people with serious problems - they would need the find the right therapist. I just wanted people to know what I experienced (I can only speak for myself).If ur going to a therapist and that person doesn't seem to be helping you, find another therapist.

[muffininmilton]

I haven't lost my mother yet, but Mom and I have/ had a similarly difficult relationship.  I am still quite close to grief though, having lost my dear Dad in 2015 and my fiance last May.  I'd stick to the therapy.  It might be possible that you're not just grieving the loss of your mother, but reacting to the idea that you never had the mother you deserved and never will now.  I've been in therapy since 1/16 and just having a primary source for talking so I don't end up "dumping" way too much on any one individual has been very helpful for me.

[ROMARY]

CAKERS:  Speaking of fear in one of your replies, I just thought of something:  Years and years ago, one of our acquaintances had a deep fear of flying after 9-11.   She dreaded to get onto a plane, especially because she had to (work related).   She found that going to a hypnotist extremely/immensely helped her. She was able to fly again.  Actually, I hadn't thought of the possibilities of acquiring help re: fear in this way.  ........ Well, just a 'lightbulb' thought, right or wrong, or no matter how controversial. 

[Beautiful life]

Thanks everyone for your support. I really appreciate it

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Beautiful life wrote:

I had my second therapy session. Mom died almost two months ago. I was wondering 

what your therapy was like. The visit is like a repeat of the first visit. I like the lady but was wondering if you had therapy for loss what yours was like? I still cry everyday, feel empty. Still have the what ifs. 

Maybe group therapy would help, not finding any at the time I can attend. I was trying to find online support groups they all seem old or not really active. 

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@Beautiful life

I think both individual and group would accelerate your processing of emotions, but don't expect some sort of super rapid healing.  It's a process and you need to be patient.  I hope there's a group you can attend ... at least occasionally.  Maybe a nearby town has a group with times easier to attend ?

[kivah]

When u have a great relationship with ur mother --- there's no one else in the world that could fill her shoes. No one else that understands u - in good times and bad. No one else that laughs out loud at ur corny jokes. No one else that u could spend hours with and don't have to talk a lot. No one else that always supports you and is ur best cheer-leader. No one else that you can trust and depend on. When you're with ur mother -- you're NEVER LONELY.

I've had several female friends thru the years. None of them was a match to my mother. They were just fill-ins.