Reply
Super Contributor
Posts: 415
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

 

I had my second therapy session. Mom died almost two months ago. I was wondering 

what your therapy was like. The visit is like a repeat of the first visit. I like the lady but was wondering if you had therapy for loss what yours was like? I still cry everyday, feel empty. Still have the what ifs. 

 

Maybe group therapy would help, not finding any at the time I can attend. I was trying to find online support groups they all seem old or not really active. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,929
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I found a pamphlet at Church that you might find helpful, Firestripes.

I'll post the name and source tomorrow.

Do you have a church affiliation? They are sometimes said to be helpful.

I think every human who has lost a treasured loved one has "what iifs". I sure do. Keep looking.You may be surprised to find comfort in unusual and unexpected places.

If you come upon something that helps, please post it here?

Highlighted
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,527
Registered: ‎07-11-2010

I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently. There are different stages of grief. Personally, I have tried individual therapy as well as group therapy. The group therapy only made me feel worse. It was very depressing. I bought several books on grief. The one that helped me the most is "I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye".  (((Hugs)))

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,188
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

When my mother died 35 yrs ago, I went to a group therapy session. The leader of the group went around the room and told us to describe who we lost and something about that person. Around 4 people spoke before it was my turn, and I couldn't handle it. Soooo depressing. I didn't go back.

Thru the years, I went to at least 6 therapists because I was having major financial problems - and couldn't cope. They were all BAD!!!!!!!!!! Clueless. I realized that they have more problems than I do.

Basically, I made myself healthier on my own. 

I also owe it to my little dog -- I call her my saviour.

 

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,527
Registered: ‎07-11-2010

@kivah...I TOTALLY agree with you. Sometimes we have to be our own advocates. JMO, but I am not a big fan of therapists and think some just say what they think you want to hear just to pacify you. 

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.
Contributor
Posts: 35
Registered: ‎06-14-2011

The first three months are the worse.  Let yourself grieve.  It seems to slowly get better and time does help alot.  I was 34 when my Mom died and It was very sad and painful.  But time does help.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: Therapy for grief

[ Edited ]

Therapy isn't supposed to fix and solve all of your problems in only one or two visits.

 

 

It can take months of hard work to resolve issues.

 

You only get out of therapy what you put in to it.

 

Meaning, the harder that you work at therapy, the more you will get out of it.

 

 

Don't just sit there like a bump on a log, and expect the therapist to spoon feed you the answers, and to solve and fix all of your problems for you.

 

 

She/he is there to guide you on your journey of self awareness, and to help you to see things in a new/different way.

 

 

Be 100% honest with your therapist.

 

You are only cheating yourself out of healing if you aren't.

 

Don't expect your therapist to coddle you, or to hold your hand and to tell you only what you want to hear.

 

 

They may tell you things that you don't want to hear, but that you need to hear.

 

They aren't there to be your best friend.

 

They are there to help you, but only if you are willing to help yourself.

 

 

Therapy isn't supposed to be all warm and fuzzy, comfy-cozy.

 

It's supposed to make you uncomfortable.

 

 

Everybody's journey is different and unique.

 

 

What someone else experienced is different from your journey, and it really isn't good to compare.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,731
Registered: ‎06-09-2014

Re: Therapy for grief

[ Edited ]

@Firestripes  I'll share with you what I did when I lost someone.  

 

I bought a journal and just wrote to my loved one.  I wrote every day to talk sometimes several times a day and it was just a short I love you and I miss you most of the time.  Sometimes I shared bits of my day but normally it was just about my love and grief over them not being there anymore and missing that.  

 

I did that for years and I still do from time to time.  I am about 5-6 years down the road.  The writing eventually tapers off and the pages get less tearstained.  And it's not all bad.  Some of those entries are actually memories of the good times because I didn't want to forget.  

 

I have never re-read it.  I just add to it when I feel the need to talk.  If you are not a writer, you may want to just record on your phone or pray.  Whatever works for you.

 

And this may be completely counter intuitive, but I just had to put everything away.  Pictures, stuff, everything because every time I saw it, it just ripped my heart out.    Especially when my grief was so fresh.  

 

I placed it all away and then, as I felt I could handle it, I went and visited it from time to time when I just needed a good cry and eventually a few of the items have found their way back out as a celebration of their life rather than a reminder of their death.

 

I don't want to dissuade you from therapy but make sure you are engaged in other things instead of just this as your main focus in trying to heal.  Constantly going over what you don't have anymore does no one any good and you don't want to spend years mourning the moment of her death instead of celebrating the decades of her life.

 

She wouldn't want that for you and you don't want her watching over you only to see you suffering.  No loved one wants to leave that behind for their children. 

 

It's okay to move on and steal a moment or a smile here and there.  And eventually you'll string more smiles together.  How long or deep you mourn isn't an expression of your love for her.  It's what you do for yourself.  Do it, as often as you need to, but break it up with some good moments so when she checks in on you she can smile too.     

 

 

I wish you peace and I know that it will come.  You just really do have to give it time.  I promise you that you will eventually catch your breath.  We've all been there.  Heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,510
Registered: ‎06-15-2014

I am so sorry for your loss. The best thing I got from grief counseling was the idea to think of grief as an ocean, let the waves go over me, meaning don't try to stop it, go with the wave. Cry, scream it's ok.

It takes a year to start to feel normal after a major loss,

the hole that the loved one leaves always remains, but it scabs over, and eventually new experiences come into our life and we go on.

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,527
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Wow @Laura14!  What wisdom!

 

The writing...I did and still do that.  And like you I don't re-read it.  

 

Wonderful words.  I hope @Firestripes sees them.

*********************
Keepin' it real.