The sadness is unbearable, have you ever watched

Ditzydori · ‎03-10-2010

A loved one die from cancer. If you haven't, count your blessings.

Cancer sucks the life life right out of you. Robs you of your dignity. Takes every single thing that you have enjoyed away. That is what it is doing to my husband. The melanoma is winning. It is a monster like none other. That's just what cancer is. A MONSTER!!

We got the results to hubbys PET scan and in spite of all the treatments, radiation, sugeries, the disease is advancing. My husband is having difficulty swallowing. I cry when I see him try to eat. He looks like a little old man. He holds on to me when he walks. He lost 50 pounds from January.

The sadness is unbearable. I never dreamed in a million years that I would see this. It's so bad that I decided if I ever got cancer and it wasn't in the earliest stages, I would choose to,do nothing and die with dignity. My husband has been to hell and back with the treatments, surgeries, and radiation and all for nothing. A complete waste of time.

I'm just sick with dispair. We are still in florida. We fly back north on Wednesday. I have to have the car shipped. Believe it or not, he drove down in December. He couldn't wait to come to Florida. We never expected this to,happen. We didn't see it coming. He was chopping wood back north on November.

When i I get back north my children are there so I think I will feel a little better. We stayed so long here because we decided to finish his round of treatments here. Just easier. Now when we get back north we will go back to memorial Sloan Kettering and see if they can offer any hope. Maybe some trials. I really don't know. Or just maybe hubby will decide enough is enough.

Im beside myself. I keep reading the psalms. They help.

Just writing this down has helped. Thank you all for listening. God bless you.

Emily

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

@Ditzydori,

I am so sorry to read this update. Yes, I have watched and gone thru cancer with family members, and it is indeed a difficult road with the saddest of outcomes. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, your husband, and family.

lrbrb · ‎07-05-2010

I'm so sorry that you and your husband are going through this. I can't even imagine the pain of seeing a loved one go through the pain and agony of cancer. I pray that God will make His presence known to you both and that He will send His Holy Spirit to draw you both to His Son's saving grace.

beach ladydrb · ‎03-14-2010

I am so sorry you and your husband have to go through this. I watched my mother died of lymphoma and it was horrible. I pray God will guide you and comfort you both.

sandraskates · ‎06-26-2014

Yes, it's terrible. A longtime skating friend of mine died from triple-negative breast cancer. For the longest time I could not go to the rink. And when I finally volunteered to assist at a competition I looked at where we used to sit and lost it with tears coming out of my eyes several times.

6 years have passed but even last weekend, I was assisting and several times a certain song came on that she used to mock and I just sunk for a few minutes.

@Ditzydori- I am so sorry this is happening in your life. I wish you peace and the fortitude to make it through this very tough time.

KLm · ‎12-03-2010

Emily......bless you. Yes, I have been where you are. It was melanoma. A rare form. There were trials at the time in Tampa, but my sister was too weak, and they wouldn't let her participate. I think she gave up then, after the most valiant fight I've ever seen.

Sloan kettering is good. I often wonder in hindsight if we should have gone there. This cancer kills you piece by piece, because they can cut so much of it out sometimes. So they cut and cut to preserve life as long as possible.

She was never able to be treated in Tampa. (As a disclaimer.)

Blessings upon you and your husband. This is heartbreaking. So sorry you both are suffering through this. km

Angel 2009 · ‎08-10-2013

I am SO sorry. It is unbearable. It suffocates you. My mom had non Hodgkins and the PET scan showed she was cured. But it didnt scan her brain, which was where the cancer had spread. I am praying for you both and all your family and will ask all my friends to do the same. Cancer is the enemy. God bless you both and give you both strength and grant you healing. There are miracles they happen every day. Hold on tight We cannot understand the agony we have to go through because of this MONSTER but we have strength we do not realize til we need it. I am praying for a miracle. I never go on these boards but something made me do it tonight. PleaseGod heal your husband.

KKlim · ‎06-20-2015

@Ditzydori.... I will say prayers for you and your husband to remain strong during this difficult journey. 🙏

cody2 · ‎03-19-2010

@Ditzydori your post just rips my heart out. So many of us have been where you are and the memory never fades. You and your husband will be in my prayers. I pray that you find support and relief when you get back up north with your family.

Emmiemorgan · ‎04-30-2017

I am so sorry to hear about your husbands battle with cancer. I am a Hospice RN, and I encourage you to ask you physician for a Hospice referral. We have so much support to offer our patients and families. This includes medical, emotional and spiritual care. We offer symptom management, counseling for the entire family, as well as special services for children facing the loss of a loved one. Healing arts, reiki, gentle massage pet therapy. We provide equipment (electric beds, wheelchairs, etc) medical supplies (gloves, incontinence care, skin care) and medication to aid in symptom management, often pain, anxiety or breathing problems. Our Home health aides provide personal care and do light housekeeping and laundry. Volunteers, who are often family members of patients that have passed away while on our program. They want to give back and help families in need, offering support and empathy. Your husband and your family have an entire team of specially trained professionals to provide comfort, dignity, and hopefully quality of life when faced with this life limiting illness. My thoughts are with you. Please remember to take care of yourself...caregivers tend to forget that...