Community Chat

[happycat]

Hugs, Emily. I am so sorry. I have watched a loved one pass from cancer, but not my husband. I can't imagne how hard this must be, to be honest. You are in my prayers.

[homedecor1]

@Ditzydori

Emily:

My prayers & heart go out to you.  At 27 my son was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer - my life became a constant worry, turmoil & more. Over 2.5 years of surgeries, radiation & chemo he kept a positive attitude which I believe helped him through the "tough" days.  Thank the Lord he has been 7 years cancer-free.

My mother was diagnosed with brain cancer after many options she decided to forego any treatment as it would not have the quality of life, wanted to enjoy her grandchildren & pass peacefully, that was her choice. 

I know how hard it is for a caregiver & to see your dear spouse going through this. I know it heartbreaking but you also need to take care of YOU too.

Please try to stay positive, I don't know if they have support group or Hospice in your area (in FL they do but you said you are returning home). I met wonderful people sharing my same journey with their loved ones & it helped me immensely to talk to them.

Prayers & hugs to you, husband & family during this time. 

[tansy]

I am so sorry, @Ditzydori.  I hope he is able to get better treatment back home.

[Sweeteapie]

What a beautiful and hopeful response that was.

[Oznell]

I am praying for you, Ditzydori, and your beloved husband.

[gabstoomuch]

So heartbreaking. He was chopping wood in November? What an aggressive cancer. How old is he, if I may ask?

It is a very, very tough time for both of you. For him, he knows what he is facing.

For you, it is the sense of feeling completely and utterly helpless. Everything feels so out of control and it is a horrible feeling.

I went through it with my Dad. I was a "Daddy's girl", and I was the only adult child that lived nearby him, so much of the walking through the disease with him was on me.

I had no idea how sick he was, he hid it from everyone. I noticed a rapid weight loss, and he brushed me off saying maybe he just wasn't eating enough.

Then one day when I stopped to check in on him, he was having trouble breathing. I truly thought he had pneumonia! Took him to the ER, and thats when they told me he had a large tumor in the center of his chest that had invaded both his esophagus and now his lungs.

I took him to the hospital thinking in a few days he would be fine, and he never came home. The ugly monster took him within 3 weeks.

You are right, cancer is a monster. I will forever beat myself up for not realizing the weight loss should have been a red flag. Yet, he told me that he was old, and lived alone, and did not want any treatment whatsoever. He was ready to go to whatever he thought was the next dimension.

He made his choice, and I had to respect that. It was me that didn't want to let go. I thought I would have a little time, yet as soon as he made his desire known, I only had 3 weeks.

Worst experience of my life. I understand how devastated you are feeling @Ditzydori. I don't have any words whatsoever to make this journey any easier. Hang on tight to your system tight. (((hugs)))

[chihuahuamom]

Ditzidori, I am so sorry that you and your husband are having to go through this horrible disease.  Watching someone you love more than life slowly and painfully ebbing away is one of the hardest things to go through in life. As one of the posters mentioned, Hospice is wonderful to help you all get through this. Be sure you have friends to talk to, and do take care of yourself as much as you can.  Take one day at a time and make the most of every minute you have with your husband.  I lost my DH to Alzheimers after a four year battle.  Thankfully, he was not in much pain, but he completely lost himself.  It was just hearbreaking.

Prayers and hugs coming your way.

[Lapdog]

@Ditzydoriplease know that we are here with you and your husband. 

  Our prayers reach out to you to lift you up and carry you during these hard times. 

Ask for help wherever it is offered and even if it is not.  People always want to help, you just have to ask.

I understand pain, I pray for any suffering to be eased as you make this journey together.

[KathyPet]

PLease, please, please read a book called "Being Mortal".  IT is written by a doctor and deals with end of life issues and the decisions that are made by patients and their families. I found it to be life altering.  AVailable on Amazon in paper and electronic formats.

[Qgirl26]

@Ditzydori, I wish I could give you a hug. I know what it's like to watch your husband die of cancer. It made me a widow at the age of 50 after a battle that lasted several years. I got to where I had to just take things as they came and no more than that. On the one hand, I would sit and imagine my life without him, thinking of the years to come, grieving long before he was gone. But then it got so bad that I couldn't think about next week or next month, I had to focus strictly on what happened NEXT because otherwise I wasn't going to make it. It was tearing me to pieces! When he passed, I sat by his side to the end and stroked his arm and talked to him, telling him what a good husband and father he had been. It's my faith that held me up and that's what keeps me going too. I'm so sorry for you and for anyone who has to go through this. It's a tough way to lve, watching your loved ones as they die that way. All I can tell you is to hang on to whatever hope you have until they tell you there is no more. We were told from the start that my husband's cancer was terminal but treatable. It kept him with us for awhile but of course, not long enough for me or our children or grandchildren. But if there is hope at all for your husband, I pray you find it. And I also pray for peace for the both of you, no matter what happens next. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.