The right thing to do - Page 4

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

This is sort of like the women who get involved and have "romances" with prisoners .... what the hello are they thinking???

Q4u · ‎03-17-2010

I keep thinking "who's picking up the bills?" It's expensive to constantly go from your city (she lives in my former home town), San Diego.... to Nigeria. She seems to live in a "less affluent" area and from the pictures seems to be an older, smaller house. And does she have a job? I mean she is still young enough not to have retired yet.... I'm sorry but I'm far too practical to not consider all this. So, does the Production Co. pick up the costs? It's fascinating to me and I have to say that I do watch some of them but in no way do I believe these are "reality" or I should say they are definitely scripted.

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*

Porcelain · ‎02-19-2014

Limerence is the strongest drug that ever existed. No one can say anything to dissuade a person in the deepest stage of lust/love.

The best you can do is to encourage the person to be physically safe. So I would focus my remarks on the technical side of things. Talk about him being the one to visit, rather than her. Birth control. Lots of things to ensure the friend is physically safe.

Ask obvious questions but don't expect actual answers. Your question may be remembered at a key moment later on, after the massive chemical rush starts to wane.

Limerence: symptoms of a toxic love (test yourself) – Hasty Reader

(ETA: If she's in her late 50s birth control might not be the biggest concern. But avoiding diseases would be. LImiting the damage from a bad decision is important.)

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

Love4cats · ‎03-09-2010

Sounds like a Dr Phil Show.

My mom has a saying: " Don't give people advice, the smart one's don't need it, and the stupid one's won't take it." She is a grown women, she is going to do it no matter what other's tell her.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Love4cats wrote:
Sounds like a Dr Phil Show.
My mom has a saying: " Don't give people advice, the smart one's don't need it, and the stupid one's won't take it." She is a grown women, she is going to do it no matter what other's tell her.

@Love4cats

Oh my gosh, what a great saying! I can't believe I've never heard this before ... and so true! .

Thanks for sharing it! LOL

lgfan · ‎10-19-2012

I also like that saying. It reminds me of statement educated idiot. Some people are book smart but lack common sense.

FiddleDeeDee · ‎03-06-2020

Those who know me know that I don't offer my opinion or "advice" (which is an opinion) UNLESS asked for it. I don't. I won't.

In the past, I've had people say to me "why didn't you tell me XYZ?!" and my response is always the same "you didn't ask me for my opinion".

Now, should you ask me, you're going to get EXACTLY what I think and it may hurt; it may surprise you; it may shock you. If you don't want to hear it, don't ask.

If this was my friend and she asked me my opinion and the facts are as stated in the OP's post, I'd tell her what I think and suggest she seek out professional help because something is amiss.

BTW, this DID happen to someone I know except it was the 25 year old garbage man she was CONVINCED was interested in her because he helped her with her garbage cans, would move heavy garbage to the garbage truck if she was out there and asked; things like that. She's 78 and uses a cane to walk, btw. It was sad to watch her fawn over this kid (I have one the same age as he) as well as knowing she would be hurt. He did NOT take advantage of the situation but didn't know what to do. In the end, WE spoke to her AFTER she asked. She was ANGRY, HURT and didn't talk to us for a few months. One day she called to ask if I could suggest a therapist; she had finally seen the light.

*Four Seasons once again*

CicadaSongs · ‎03-06-2022

Real friends are always honest, imo.

wagirl · ‎03-09-2010

A friend ,or really anyone, can only do and say what the person is willing to hear or wants to hear. Sounds like this woman is he!! bent on following the path she thinks is for her. I guess if or when, this blows up in her face, that friend/family has to be there to pick up the pieces. I worry about actually going to another country, these days, where we Americans have targets on our backs. And what if she can't come back due to some cultural thing. And her cash and possessions? Maybe try to convince her that she needs to take just a small amount with her and leave the rest in care of family?

Being honest is best but not mean or demissive after all she is an adult. It would be easy to scream and yell and belittle a person. Glad I am not in that postion---but I do shake my head and wonder .