Community Chat

[LilacTree]

On 3/12/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/11/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/10/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/7/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/5/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/5/2014 Ford1224 said:

Yes, very much. I play music every single day (TV on, but muted, it's the music that fills my space). All genres of music, and so many mirror my long life that it would take a book to go through them all.

All I can say is that it would be a hard pick for me if I had to choose between deaf or blind.

Excellent post Mistri, I may contribute again as it expands.

Thanks, Ford.

I don't know which I would pick if I had to choose either. I tend to think that I would choose to lose my sight rather than my hearing, but our society puts sight at a premium, I believe...it would be harder to get along without sight than without hearing, I think.

Yes, interesting topic in and of itself. I think they can do more to enhance deafness than they can to bring back sight, but I could be wrong about that.

I've been trying to compile in my head the music I love. It's a huge deal for me, because first I would have to separate it into genres, as I love almost all music (I eliminate "rap" which I don't consider music, but that could be my age).

That could be a good project for me someday! I know there is a lot of music my kids associate with me because they tell me that all the time. How they remember the music I used to play every day. There was hardly ever a time in our house when music was not being played, and a lot of the music I love came from them and the music they played.

Somehow, I don't think my parents feel the same way about most of the stuff I listened to.

You've been so ripped off, Mistri. Not to have ever known parental love, not even being able to give it. It makes me so very, very sad. I think about you often and I sometimes wonder how you've been able to stay so strong. You are a marvel.

Thanks, Ford. I don't know that I'm a "marvel," but I'm trying to do things with the purpose of getting out from under a cloud.

I think it's been a lifelong wish of mine to get my parents to "break down" and express themselves in some way that I haven't experienced before. I think that--maybe on some level--I would feel like my existence mattered more if my parents would acknowledge me in loving ways. I also think they spent a lot of time getting me to believe that I'm not capable...and that I need their help to survive.

The other day, I asked my dad some questions about the sump pump he'd installed in my crawlspace, in case it fails. I was asking questions about the housing, and whether there were clamps or screws holding it together, if the pvc pipe he attached to it was glued on or would be removable, etc. My mom said, "you're not going to be able to fix that thing if it breaks." I didn't say anything, but it pi55ed me off. I actually do know how water pumps work, and I'm not a stupid person...but you'd think I was some sort of ignoramus with no common sense if you were to ask her. To make matters worse, my dad agreed and said, you'll just have to call Ever-Dry (as though I'm tripping over stacks of money over here). I spent years cleaning and fixing aquarium pumps at a job and for my own aquariums, and while I may not be familiar with every type of pump there is, I'm not uneducated about water pumps.

Then I was talking to my mom about the benefits I saw in formulating my own makeup, but that I was not having luck yet. I could tell she doubted my ability to do it, but I've only tried one formulation; I'm not ready to give up yet. However, this is how I was raised. These people taught me not to believe in myself, and it is only by educating myself regarding some of the opinions they taught me to have, and living a lifestyle that is quite different than theirs that I understand that they live in a bubble...a dysfunctional one...and I don't want to live my life that way.

I'm sure my mother thought she was saving me from disappointment by poo-pooing most of my ideas growing up, but that wasn't what happened. She was instilling fear of failure and low self-esteem in me, and now I'm the one who has to fix it.

I won't say that my parents have never shown me any sort of love, but when you receive a card saying, "you're a wonderful daughter" for your birthday, and then it is followed by commentary regarding what you've done wrong or what you aren't capable of, it gets pretty hard to sort out how they feel...unfortunately, the things they say and do speak louder than the message inside of some store-bought card...so that is the impression I'm left with most of the time.

ETA: Sorry about the rant...I'm just tired of being treated as though I have nothing worthwhile to offer...and when I do have something to offer, I get some sort of pat on the head, followed by a complete disregard for whatever I've done to help...or some sort of commentary one would reserve for a "nice" painting their 5-year-old made in art class. It's ridiculous.

Do you ever get any help . . . from anyone?

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/12/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/12/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/11/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/10/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/7/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/5/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/5/2014 Ford1224 said:

Yes, very much. I play music every single day (TV on, but muted, it's the music that fills my space). All genres of music, and so many mirror my long life that it would take a book to go through them all.

All I can say is that it would be a hard pick for me if I had to choose between deaf or blind.

Excellent post Mistri, I may contribute again as it expands.

Thanks, Ford.

I don't know which I would pick if I had to choose either. I tend to think that I would choose to lose my sight rather than my hearing, but our society puts sight at a premium, I believe...it would be harder to get along without sight than without hearing, I think.

Yes, interesting topic in and of itself. I think they can do more to enhance deafness than they can to bring back sight, but I could be wrong about that.

I've been trying to compile in my head the music I love. It's a huge deal for me, because first I would have to separate it into genres, as I love almost all music (I eliminate "rap" which I don't consider music, but that could be my age).

That could be a good project for me someday! I know there is a lot of music my kids associate with me because they tell me that all the time. How they remember the music I used to play every day. There was hardly ever a time in our house when music was not being played, and a lot of the music I love came from them and the music they played.

Somehow, I don't think my parents feel the same way about most of the stuff I listened to.

You've been so ripped off, Mistri. Not to have ever known parental love, not even being able to give it. It makes me so very, very sad. I think about you often and I sometimes wonder how you've been able to stay so strong. You are a marvel.

Thanks, Ford. I don't know that I'm a "marvel," but I'm trying to do things with the purpose of getting out from under a cloud.

I think it's been a lifelong wish of mine to get my parents to "break down" and express themselves in some way that I haven't experienced before. I think that--maybe on some level--I would feel like my existence mattered more if my parents would acknowledge me in loving ways. I also think they spent a lot of time getting me to believe that I'm not capable...and that I need their help to survive.

The other day, I asked my dad some questions about the sump pump he'd installed in my crawlspace, in case it fails. I was asking questions about the housing, and whether there were clamps or screws holding it together, if the pvc pipe he attached to it was glued on or would be removable, etc. My mom said, "you're not going to be able to fix that thing if it breaks." I didn't say anything, but it pi55ed me off. I actually do know how water pumps work, and I'm not a stupid person...but you'd think I was some sort of ignoramus with no common sense if you were to ask her. To make matters worse, my dad agreed and said, you'll just have to call Ever-Dry (as though I'm tripping over stacks of money over here). I spent years cleaning and fixing aquarium pumps at a job and for my own aquariums, and while I may not be familiar with every type of pump there is, I'm not uneducated about water pumps.

Then I was talking to my mom about the benefits I saw in formulating my own makeup, but that I was not having luck yet. I could tell she doubted my ability to do it, but I've only tried one formulation; I'm not ready to give up yet. However, this is how I was raised. These people taught me not to believe in myself, and it is only by educating myself regarding some of the opinions they taught me to have, and living a lifestyle that is quite different than theirs that I understand that they live in a bubble...a dysfunctional one...and I don't want to live my life that way.

I'm sure my mother thought she was saving me from disappointment by poo-pooing most of my ideas growing up, but that wasn't what happened. She was instilling fear of failure and low self-esteem in me, and now I'm the one who has to fix it.

I won't say that my parents have never shown me any sort of love, but when you receive a card saying, "you're a wonderful daughter" for your birthday, and then it is followed by commentary regarding what you've done wrong or what you aren't capable of, it gets pretty hard to sort out how they feel...unfortunately, the things they say and do speak louder than the message inside of some store-bought card...so that is the impression I'm left with most of the time.

ETA: Sorry about the rant...I'm just tired of being treated as though I have nothing worthwhile to offer...and when I do have something to offer, I get some sort of pat on the head, followed by a complete disregard for whatever I've done to help...or some sort of commentary one would reserve for a "nice" painting their 5-year-old made in art class. It's ridiculous.

Do you ever get any help . . . from anyone?

Yes, I do.

My parents have done a lot to help me. I know that if I need to ask them for something, they will probably help me...but that help will often come with conditions that I won't be informed of ahead of time (from my mother). I don't think that's fair. When I help them, I don't try to make them pay me back later. I love them, and I help them. I don't try to dictate...I just try to make things easier when the opportunity arises that I can.

I guess, Ford, what bothers me is that my mother uses their help as a weapon against me later on. I also know that it is no big deal for her to throw $100 away on cr*p that she'll never use...so when she throws $100 check my way, it isn't love...it's a tool. When I spend $150 on a new juicer and recipe book for my dad (because he was on a liquid diet), that is a big deal for me, because I'm not well-to-do. So when I tell my mom what I bought and she tells me they don't need another kitchen gadget (when I had to work extra shifts at work to afford it), it hurts. I know it doesn't affect her adversely to go out and buy things like that, but I have to sacrifice to do so...and I don't expect a reward, it would just be nice if she could utter the words "thank you" or "he'll like that." (He thanked me after he got it. )

I feel very conflicted. I love them...but the clock is ticking, and I don't feel that we'll be able to resolve our issues before my dad dies. He will die the same man he is now, and my mother will continue being controlling, except, she won't have my father to control anymore...so guess who is next in line?

My brother and I are hoping to get my mother moved closer to him. (I have to admit, I don't think he remembers what it's like to deal with her on a regular basis, and I feel kind of guilty that he will have that added stress...but I think he'll have a better appreciation for what I deal with now once he is the one closest to her.) My parents had planned to move near my brother--and their grandkids--anyway after my dad retired, but now it will just be my mom. I will take out loans for school and get a second bachelors degree, and I will have to move away to do it. I just hope that my mom doesn't decide to stay in this area; if she does, I can only see her turning into a total hermit and winding up with one of those hoarder houses. I don't want that for her. She's my mom, I love her, and we've had some good times in addition to the bad...but it's time for me to move on soon. (I hate thinking of it that way, because it sounds like I'm just waiting for my dad to die to abandon her; I won't leave right away, but eventually, I'll have to move forward. I can't stay here forever and wait tables, you know?)

I feel so much sadness, guilt, anger and love...and it just sort of mixes together. My heart is breaking, but something good has to come after all of this...it just has to.

[LilacTree]

Mistri, all I can do for you is hope for a better future. It seems as though your life has been on "hold" for so long. I hope your brother comes through for you, so you can get on with your plans to move away from this for at least a while. You need a break from this constant frustration.

My thoughts are always with you.

[mistriTsquirrel]

Thanks, Ford.

[ennui1]

Jamey Johnson, In Color ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=RDEYGwxf1gCC4&v=EYGwxf1gCC4

James Taylor, Fire and Rain ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=RDcwugjyeSKx4&v=cwugjyeSKx4

[mistriTsquirrel]

I heard this on my way to work... #selfie

Too funny.

[Snowpuppy]

On 3/5/2014 kittymomNC said:

On a happier note, the songs on Meat Loaf's Bat Out of H-ll album - What wonderful memories!

I'll join you with this one!

I've been blasting "You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth" since last summer. Reminded me of a special hot summer nite on the beach in his Firebird when I was 18.

Pete, wherever you are Dog, love ya, miss ya, hope you're happy.

[AngelPuppy1]

I was so touched by your post! And yes, music gets to me like nothing else in this world! And my husband is the same way. We both feel like there is nothing in the world like the music we grew up to --- all of the British music, etc. --- all of the artists of the 60's and 70's,etc. A song will begin to play and I will instantly go back in time --- sometimes so happy --- sometimes so sad --- but always so poignant and always grabbing my heart.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/17/2014 AngelPuppy1 said:

I was so touched by your post! And yes, music gets to me like nothing else in this world! And my husband is the same way. We both feel like there is nothing in the world like the music we grew up to --- all of the British music, etc. --- all of the artists of the 60's and 70's,etc. A song will begin to play and I will instantly go back in time --- sometimes so happy --- sometimes so sad --- but always so poignant and always grabbing my heart.

Maybe this is strange, but I was thinking of a friend--now deceased--while I was driving the other day. I heard a new song on the radio, and I thought, "I wish [he] was alive to hear this." That sort of thing is bittersweet, because I'm glad I'm able to experience it, but sad for those who don't get to.

[ennui1]

Cathy Dennis - Moments Of Love