Community Chat

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/6/2014 Townsend said:

Oh, Mistri, now you've done it. The first song that comes to my mind is one that most here will not even know, or maybe haven't ever heard. The song is, Here's To My Lady. My husband used to sing it to me sometimes when he was on stage performing and I was in the audience. He was a professional singer for many years. Even though he's been gone a long time, it's enough to make me dissolve in tears every time I hear it. Here's Nat King Cole's arrangement: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Z-p43tyjhk

And there are two others that put me in the same mood:

Somewhere In Time, and Josh Groban's. To Where You Are. After hearing these three, I just wish I could go to sleep and not ever wake up.

I am now going to play. Happy, and hope it helps to brighten the rest of my day a bit.

I hope it does. Sorry if I opened the floodgates, Townsend.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/7/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/5/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/5/2014 Ford1224 said:

Yes, very much. I play music every single day (TV on, but muted, it's the music that fills my space). All genres of music, and so many mirror my long life that it would take a book to go through them all.

All I can say is that it would be a hard pick for me if I had to choose between deaf or blind.

Excellent post Mistri, I may contribute again as it expands.

Thanks, Ford.

I don't know which I would pick if I had to choose either. I tend to think that I would choose to lose my sight rather than my hearing, but our society puts sight at a premium, I believe...it would be harder to get along without sight than without hearing, I think.

Yes, interesting topic in and of itself. I think they can do more to enhance deafness than they can to bring back sight, but I could be wrong about that.

I've been trying to compile in my head the music I love. It's a huge deal for me, because first I would have to separate it into genres, as I love almost all music (I eliminate "rap" which I don't consider music, but that could be my age).

That could be a good project for me someday! I know there is a lot of music my kids associate with me because they tell me that all the time. How they remember the music I used to play every day. There was hardly ever a time in our house when music was not being played, and a lot of the music I love came from them and the music they played.

Somehow, I don't think my parents feel the same way about most of the stuff I listened to.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/7/2014 wagnerdancer said:

"It's Only the Good Times I Remember" by Tommy Edwards - reminds me of my first real boyfriend - he's gone but never, ever forgotten.

Reminds me of "Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)" by Green Day. My first boyfriend died when he was 19. The song was supposed to be played by a friend of his at his funeral, but the church prohibited it because of the lyrics, "tattoos of memories, and dead skin on trial."

His death was very jarring to me. It shook me up in a way I'd never felt before.

His family was so kind to me at the visitation and funeral. I really didn't know them; he and I were in junior high when we first dated briefly, and then again in high school we dated briefly (not that he didn't try to get me to go out with him again after that; I just didn't trust him anymore.) The last time I saw him alive was at the movie theater where he worked. I was on a date with another guy, and so I walked right past him and said nothing. As it turned out, it was shortly after that time that he got sick.

When I went to visit his family about a year after he died, his mother took me into his room, and showed me that she still had his pet turtle. We talked a lot about him, and what had happened. Before I left, I told her that I was deeply sorry about the loss she and her family experienced (and still do, I'm sure). She told me that one good thing did come of it...that she got to know me. I cried...we both cried, and hugged one another.

I know nothing can take away her pain, but I really hope she has been able to feel some measure of peace over the years...she's such a sweet lady. I think I will write her a letter.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/9/2014 dooBdoo said:

Great thread, mistri!

I've always been a huge fan of just about every genre of music. And "soundtrack of your life" is so apropos. For me, there are far too many to list. Unfortunately, so much of it makes me sad, especially when I'm going through depression -- I'm 'way too sensitive to music and the memories or emotions evoked by it. Right now I'm trying to compile a positive, uplifting music list and I've picked up a few ideas here. Thanks for the thread and the heartfelt contributions. We have some wonderful posters, don't we.

Yes, we do, dooBdoo...you are among the best.

And, I know what you mean about being sensitive to the music. Somehow, certain songs can touch you in ways that are so deeply felt that it is hard to handle.

The day came when my parents told me over that phone that--contrary to what the doctors had told them previously--my dad was, indeed stage IV (after that, my parents insisted on a bone biopsy, which came back negative, and allowed them to remain in denial longer). I, however, was not with them on that. I knew.

When I got that call from them, I was due to be at work in 15 minutes. I called my boss and begged him to give me at least another hour to pull myself together, and he was kind enough to give me the night off, which I spent at my parents' house. I tried to hold myself together as well as I could. My mother and I started talking about things they had planned for retirement, and I could tell that she was not ready to let go of their dreams, but was trying to be realistic. It was one of the most painful days of my life.

As I drove home that night, I listened to music. Among the songs I listened to was "Leaving Hope" by Nine Inch Nails...and I started to scream. I screamed so loud and so hard that I felt myself about to pass out, and I pulled over...but I knew there was no other place to scream than in the car...somewhere where no one could hear me...

Some artists are able to convey their suffering in such a way that it gives a listener who is suffering a way to feel connected to someone or something. I value those miserable songs and I value the happier ones...because they are all part of the human condition.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/9/2014 skuggles said:

Every time I hear Sade's BabyFather, I almost cry. It is a reminder to me that my father really could not have cared less about me even though he was there, and I think there are a lot of little kids running around who are crying because of the same, and their dads aren't there. I cry for them too.

"Your daddy know you're a flame

Even to the angels it may sound like a lie

For you child

He has the troops and extra backup standing by

For you child

For you he's the best he can be

For you child

For you he's the best he can be

Oh child don't you know

Your daddy love come with a life time guarantee"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoHWjG6LUsA

Thanks for posting, Skuggles.

It makes me cry too.

I feel like the best I can hope for are hints from my dad. I've noticed that he hasn't turned the t.v. volume up when I'm trying to speak to him recently. It's things like that that make me think that maybe he cares in some way. (?) He still won't say "I love you" to me unless I say it first...and even then, he sometimes doesn't.

I spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out how to make christmas special this past december. My efforts were a big flop...my dad didn't seem too interested in the things I got him. He said he was going to bed, and when I stretched my arms out, told him good night and I love him, he walked right past me. (How my mother acted was disappointing as well. I'd been going over to their house quite a bit to help get the house clean for when my brother and his family were to visit. A day or two before christmas, my mother gave me a check for $100 to thank me for all the help. I told her I wasn't looking for payment, I was just trying to help. She insisted I keep the check. Then on christmas day, less than 15 minutes after the presents were unwrapped and I was spending time with my dad in the family room, she started telling me what she wanted me to clean next. Apparently, since I had accepted the check, I then owed her my servitude. I was angry, but I didn't want to make a big deal over it at that time, so I just started cleaning.)

Some days, it's very hard to discern who loves you and who doesn't, based on how they act.

[LilacTree]

On 3/11/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/9/2014 skuggles said:

Every time I hear Sade's <em>BabyFather,</em> I almost cry<em>.</em> It is a reminder to me that my father really could not have cared less about me even though he was there, and I think there are a lot of little kids running around who are crying because of the same, and their dads aren't there. I cry for them too.

<p class="p1">"Your daddy know you're a flame <p class="p1">Even to the angels it may sound like a lie <p class="p1">For you child <p class="p1">He has the troops and extra backup standing by <p class="p1">For you child <p class="p1">For you he's the best he can be <p class="p1">For you child <p class="p1">For you he's the best he can be <p class="p1">Oh child don't you know <p class="p1">Your daddy love come with a life time guarantee" <p class="p1">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoHWjG6LUsA

Thanks for posting, Skuggles.

It makes me cry too.

I feel like the best I can hope for are hints from my dad. I've noticed that he hasn't turned the t.v. volume up when I'm trying to speak to him recently. It's things like that that make me think that maybe he cares in some way. (?) He still won't say "I love you" to me unless I say it first...and even then, he sometimes doesn't.

I spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out how to make christmas special this past december. My efforts were a big flop...my dad didn't seem too interested in the things I got him. He said he was going to bed, and when I stretched my arms out, told him good night and I love him, he walked right past me. (How my mother acted was disappointing as well. I'd been going over to their house quite a bit to help get the house clean for when my brother and his family were to visit. A day or two before christmas, my mother gave me a check for $100 to thank me for all the help. I told her I wasn't looking for payment, I was just trying to help. She insisted I keep the check. Then on christmas day, less than 15 minutes after the presents were unwrapped and I was spending time with my dad in the family room, she started telling me what she wanted me to clean next. Apparently, since I had accepted the check, I then owed her my servitude. I was angry, but I didn't want to make a big deal over it at that time, so I just started cleaning.)

Some days, it's very hard to discern who loves you and who doesn't, based on how they act.

Oh Mistri, sometimes there are no words . . .

[LilacTree]

On 3/10/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/7/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/5/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/5/2014 Ford1224 said:

Yes, very much. I play music every single day (TV on, but muted, it's the music that fills my space). All genres of music, and so many mirror my long life that it would take a book to go through them all.

All I can say is that it would be a hard pick for me if I had to choose between deaf or blind.

Excellent post Mistri, I may contribute again as it expands.

Thanks, Ford.

I don't know which I would pick if I had to choose either. I tend to think that I would choose to lose my sight rather than my hearing, but our society puts sight at a premium, I believe...it would be harder to get along without sight than without hearing, I think.

Yes, interesting topic in and of itself. I think they can do more to enhance deafness than they can to bring back sight, but I could be wrong about that.

I've been trying to compile in my head the music I love. It's a huge deal for me, because first I would have to separate it into genres, as I love almost all music (I eliminate "rap" which I don't consider music, but that could be my age).

That could be a good project for me someday! I know there is a lot of music my kids associate with me because they tell me that all the time. How they remember the music I used to play every day. There was hardly ever a time in our house when music was not being played, and a lot of the music I love came from them and the music they played.

Somehow, I don't think my parents feel the same way about most of the stuff I listened to.

You've been so ripped off, Mistri. Not to have ever known parental love, not even being able to give it. It makes me so very, very sad. I think about you often and I sometimes wonder how you've been able to stay so strong. You are a marvel.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/11/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/10/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/7/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 3/5/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/5/2014 Ford1224 said:

Yes, very much. I play music every single day (TV on, but muted, it's the music that fills my space). All genres of music, and so many mirror my long life that it would take a book to go through them all.

All I can say is that it would be a hard pick for me if I had to choose between deaf or blind.

Excellent post Mistri, I may contribute again as it expands.

Thanks, Ford.

I don't know which I would pick if I had to choose either. I tend to think that I would choose to lose my sight rather than my hearing, but our society puts sight at a premium, I believe...it would be harder to get along without sight than without hearing, I think.

Yes, interesting topic in and of itself. I think they can do more to enhance deafness than they can to bring back sight, but I could be wrong about that.

I've been trying to compile in my head the music I love. It's a huge deal for me, because first I would have to separate it into genres, as I love almost all music (I eliminate "rap" which I don't consider music, but that could be my age).

That could be a good project for me someday! I know there is a lot of music my kids associate with me because they tell me that all the time. How they remember the music I used to play every day. There was hardly ever a time in our house when music was not being played, and a lot of the music I love came from them and the music they played.

Somehow, I don't think my parents feel the same way about most of the stuff I listened to.

You've been so ripped off, Mistri. Not to have ever known parental love, not even being able to give it. It makes me so very, very sad. I think about you often and I sometimes wonder how you've been able to stay so strong. You are a marvel.

Thanks, Ford. I don't know that I'm a "marvel," but I'm trying to do things with the purpose of getting out from under a cloud.

I think it's been a lifelong wish of mine to get my parents to "break down" and express themselves in some way that I haven't experienced before. I think that--maybe on some level--I would feel like my existence mattered more if my parents would acknowledge me in loving ways. I also think they spent a lot of time getting me to believe that I'm not capable...and that I need their help to survive.

The other day, I asked my dad some questions about the sump pump he'd installed in my crawlspace, in case it fails. I was asking questions about the housing, and whether there were clamps or screws holding it together, if the pvc pipe he attached to it was glued on or would be removable, etc. My mom said, "you're not going to be able to fix that thing if it breaks." I didn't say anything, but it pi55ed me off. I actually do know how water pumps work, and I'm not a stupid person...but you'd think I was some sort of ignoramus with no common sense if you were to ask her. To make matters worse, my dad agreed and said, you'll just have to call Ever-Dry (as though I'm tripping over stacks of money over here). I spent years cleaning and fixing aquarium pumps at a job and for my own aquariums, and while I may not be familiar with every type of pump there is, I'm not uneducated about water pumps.

Then I was talking to my mom about the benefits I saw in formulating my own makeup, but that I was not having luck yet. I could tell she doubted my ability to do it, but I've only tried one formulation; I'm not ready to give up yet. However, this is how I was raised. These people taught me not to believe in myself, and it is only by educating myself regarding some of the opinions they taught me to have, and living a lifestyle that is quite different than theirs that I understand that they live in a bubble...a dysfunctional one...and I don't want to live my life that way.

I'm sure my mother thought she was saving me from disappointment by poo-pooing most of my ideas growing up, but that wasn't what happened. She was instilling fear of failure and low self-esteem in me, and now I'm the one who has to fix it.

I won't say that my parents have never shown me any sort of love, but when you receive a card saying, "you're a wonderful daughter" for your birthday, and then it is followed by commentary regarding what you've done wrong or what you aren't capable of, it gets pretty hard to sort out how they feel...unfortunately, the things they say and do speak louder than the message inside of some store-bought card...so that is the impression I'm left with most of the time.

ETA: Sorry about the rant...I'm just tired of being treated as though I have nothing worthwhile to offer...and when I do have something to offer, I get some sort of pat on the head, followed by a complete disregard for whatever I've done to help...or some sort of commentary one would reserve for a "nice" painting their 5-year-old made in art class. It's ridiculous.

[qualitygal]

Hey Squirrel, may I add something that might make you feel better? My personal experience in learning about "life" for me, is that, our parent's limits were handed down to them from their parents and they continued the tradition. There's some old thing where they didn't want us to get too big for our britches. Some parents were amazing and I think they all did their best. Some parents had no idea how to raise kids, it's not taught in school and that is a shame. But you've gone beyond that and recognize your value and your talents. This especially has been learned: don't look to the folks to show you the recognition or admiration you would think they might show you. Somewhere in the past, they didn't get it and don't know how to give it. So feel free to do that for yourself and remember, they can't give to you what they don't know how to give, because chances are, they never got it. JMHO

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/12/2014 qualitygal said:

Hey Squirrel, may I add something that might make you feel better? My personal experience in learning about "life" for me, is that, our parent's limits were handed down to them from their parents and they continued the tradition. There's some old thing where they didn't want us to get too big for our britches. Some parents were amazing and I think they all did their best. Some parents had no idea how to raise kids, it's not taught in school and that is a shame. But you've gone beyond that and recognize your value and your talents. This especially has been learned: don't look to the folks to show you the recognition or admiration you would think they might show you. Somewhere in the past, they didn't get it and don't know how to give it. So feel free to do that for yourself and remember, they can't give to you what they don't know how to give, because chances are, they never got it. JMHO

Part of the problem is that my mother continues to complain about how she was treated by her parents while growing up...and she doesn't seem to grasp the fact that she has treated me the same way.

It's hard to be sympathetic towards my mother when she complains about all of the nasty things her parents said and did...after she allowed/inflicted the same sorts of things while I was growing up. My father was no better, but at least he doesn't expect me to listen to hypocritical rants and pity him.

ETA: Thank you anyway, for your reply. I realize that my parents are flawed and all that...I just can't understand why they haven't shown any signs of wanting to better themselves as parents, while I have done pretty much everything I can to try to get myself on a better path. I've urged both of them to get counseling over the years, but neither of them have been willing to do what's best for our family in that regard. ::shrug::