Community Chat

[jaxs mom]

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@cherry wrote:

There is a difference between not fighting with someone and  giving them the cold shoulder completely imo

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At some point the best thing you can do is walk away. If someone is getting the cold shoulder, there is usually a reason for it. Even if it's just that their personalities conflict. No one is obligated to carry on a relationship with another person when they are so unhappy they don't want to talk to them anymore. Even family. 

[LilacTree]

Here is a short excerpt from this article:

The Silent Treatment Is Effective

The silent treatment is most effective on empathetic, sensitive people who feel the undercurrents and read facial expressions, tones of voice, and body language. My ex had the ability to look at me with the utmost disgust and disdain and yet he did it in such a way that no one else was even aware of it. I would feel like Gollum – like I should scuttle off to a dark place and hide myself. I can’t tell you how many times that I said something in a group of people, got the look, and felt like I was the most awkward, stupid, glob of flesh on the planet.

It gets more effective over time as you learn exactly how uncomfortable it makes you feel. There comes a point where you will do anything, and I do mean anything to make sure that you aren’t subjected to the looks or that cool, intense, silence that withers your soul.

The Purpose Is to Control

A narcissist must control you at all costs. It may even look like you are the assertive one, you are the one in control, and you are the one causing the problems. It’s a fascinating thing to watch despite the evil. It’s like watching a puppet master put on a show and each person in the room is one of the puppets.

The silent treatment is emotional abuse, pure and simple.

[SeaMaiden]

35 years married....yes I have used it.  When I was Really Really mad over something. Usually lasts about 24 hours..... it gets the point across. Emotional abuse? No.....I call it emotional punishment.

[circles]

My mom used  the silent treatment on my dad and me..not sure if she ever did to my sister and brother....it was awful....i was use to talking to my mom all the time ...about every and anything..

My dad hated it, too...and most times it was over nothing..or seemed to be nothing important enough to stop talking instead of discussing it....but she knew it hurt us...angered us...

My ex husband did it, too....but not often...

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Preds wrote:

I enjoyed the silence until they couldn't stand it any longer.  Didn't bother me.  It was their choice.

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@Preds

I also think the best way to deal with The Silent Treatment is to completely ignore it.   I see this tactic as "withholding" .... withholding approval, withholding love ... whatever.   

The intention is to manipulate others, and I refuse to be manipulated.   If there is a problem, the only way to deal with it is to discuss it.

My mother tried that with me -- once -- and I pretended I didn't even notice she wasn't speaking to me.   I later told her I figured she was deep in thought, and if she had anything to say to me, she would say it.

She never pulled that one again ... on me, anyway.

[Newgate]

I think silence solves nothing!  Nor does shouting and fighting!  The person who starts the silence needs to break the silence and try to talk calmly about the problem!!  If that does not work then just let it be and hope for the best especially if it is a close family member!! I believe familes need to work through their problems because family is precious!! But all involved have to be willing to try and or maybe apologize!!

[elated]

I moved from CA to CO about 1 1/2 years ago to be next to my son and grandchildren. It has been a contentious relationship. If I say something that he disagrees with he doesn't speak or call me for months at a time. I have no family living in this state. All my immediate family lives in CA.  I was sick the beginning of October and let him know but he never called to find out how I was. I spoke to my Dr. about this relationship and she told me it sounded like Bordeline Personality Disorder. I have become to regret my decision to relocate. I don't think my daughter-in-law is really thrilled with my presence. I have tried to make the most of this situation but I have become depressed. My son has told me many things that he is going to do for me but it all has been a no go. He has not kept one of his promises that he made. If I comment, he goes ballistic and starts an argument. I have learned not to say anything that makes him mad. Well, that is my heartbreak and I need to deal with it.

[LilacTree]

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@cherry wrote:

There is a difference between not fighting with someone and  giving them the cold shoulder completely imo

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@cherry

I agree completely, and feel the "fight" is healthier than not speaking for days at a time (actually all the time . . . on and off).

[Pqfan]

Someone gave me the "Silent Treatment" and it hurt me very much especially since I didn't see it coming.

I have since forgiven this person but I never forgot what they did and it showed me what they are capable of.

What do they say:

Fool me once shame on you.

Fool me twice shame on me.

[LilacTree]

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@elated wrote:

I moved from CA to CO about 1 1/2 years ago to be next to my son and grandchildren. It has been a contentious relationship. If I say something that he disagrees with he doesn't speak or call me for months at a time. I have no family living in this state. All my immediate family lives in CA.  I was sick the beginning of October and let him know but he never called to find out how I was. I spoke to my Dr. about this relationship and she told me it sounded like Bordeline Personality Disorder. I have become to regret my decision to relocate. I don't think my daughter-in-law is really thrilled with my presence. I have tried to make the most of this situation but I have become depressed. My son has told me many things that he is going to do for me but it all has been a no go. He has not kept one of his promises that he made. If I comment, he goes ballistic and starts an argument. I have learned not to say anything that makes him mad. Well, that is my heartbreak and I need to deal with it.

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@elated

That's a really tragic scene, elated.  My heart goes out to you.  Is there really no way for you to go back home to CA?