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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,162
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle

I will say my grandparents and parents had different POVs of happiness and contentment than my generation. And my children's generation varies from mine. My heart goes out to any person feeling so much anguish.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,238
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle

I keep hearing people who keep track of these statistics say, (paraphrasing), "Americans take more antidepressants than ever before AND more Americans are dying than ever before.  The jump in the numbers (especially in females) is huge!"

 

I come from a family who has Bi-polar and antidepressants.  Several family members have committed suicide and on and on.  

 

I've lived around it all of my life.  A very difficult childhood.

 

I mention this because I heard someone (he'd written yet another book) that somewhere people got the impression they MUST always be happy or seek to always be happy.  He said we can no longer understand that no one is or should be happy all of the time.  There are people who have a chemical imbalance, but not everyone fits into that label.

 

He said that often people who go into depression and don't have a chemical imbalance (and even some who do) often have no outside activities and are loaners and don't have anything to look forward to in life (they don't interact with others).

 

He said he took a group of these people and put them in groups of those who have a passion for something they are interested in.  He specifically mentioned gardening.  He said he saw an amazing change in these people as they had to LEARN to interact with others and share feelings and things in their life.  They learned they aren't alone and the only one's who feel like they do.  He said it really helped them.

 

I'm a talker.  I love people and I love talking to others.  Some would call it 'over-sharing'.  But you know what?  People share amazing personal things with me.  Total strangers I'll never see again.  Yet we will stand and talk for 1/2 hour in the grocery store then sometimes even hug and be on our way.  

 

It really helps to know we are all very similar.  I'll close with something the guy on TV said.  He said, "If we aren't sad and have unhappy feelings we will never be able to recognize the happy feelings and good things that come our way.

 

When my girls were growing up at the dinner table we'd all talk about our day.  Sometimes one would say, "I want to make it Katie day this weekend because I made someone happy".  And so it was.  Katie (my daughter) got to pick out the dinner menu and what we'd do on Saturday or Sunday.  They never abused it, and it was fun.

 

My oldest daughter has something she calls mountains and valleys.  At the dinner table each person tells about something that happened that was good or they liked and something that was a valley and not so good.  It showed them that although things seems bad, there are good things that happen too.

 

I think society could really benefit from some of these things.  People don't talk to each other anymore like they used to.  People don't know their neighbors or help each other anymore like they used to.

 

Anyway, I'll go shut up now.  I'm going to bed to get ready for the Tony awards.  They make me happy.  Bill (my cat) and trusted assistant will be by my side.  I'm off duty now.  Take care ladies and be safe.  

 

You are all wonderful people and I've learned so much from all of you.

Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎07-09-2010

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle

gentle hugs ((( @SilleeMee)))

 

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Registered: ‎05-22-2016

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle

Oh thank you @Yahooey, you're so kind.Heart

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Posts: 5,513
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle


@jeanlake wrote:

I will say my grandparents and parents had different POVs of happiness and contentment than my generation. And my children's generation varies from mine. My heart goes out to any person feeling so much anguish.


So true. My gram would have a cup of coffee and slice of homemade pie on the back porch. She would admire her garden and say "life's good".

 

A neighbor would stop by, they would enjoy a cold drink on the front porch on the glider. 

 

Now we're terrified of each other courtesy of cable news.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,523
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle

My aunt committed suicide because she was afraid.   She lost her husband, and within 9 months, was hospitalized with an abnormally high blood glucose level and diagnosis of diabetes.   My aunt was convinced she was going to be sick the rest of her life, and she did not want to be a burden to the family.   

 

As soon as she voiced suicidal thoughts, she saw her doctor, and a psychiatrist where she was very open about her thoughts.   During that last appt, she agreed to sign herself into a nearby psychiatric facility.   She was there 30 days; very compliant patient, discharged with meds and no concerns, but she came home and shot herself within 3-4 hours.   

 

The last thing the doctor said to my aunt when she was discharged from the psychiatric hospital was “you can always come back”, and my aunt took that as she was now mentally ill, as well as physically.   That idea was just totally unacceptable to her, and reinforced to her that she was going to be a burden- - -and she absolutely was not going to let that happen.    

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Posts: 6,109
Registered: ‎04-14-2013

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle

Those diagnoses can be tremendously influential.

 

I had one many years ago and it has shaped my perception - but only to the point that I am angry to have been pigeonholed (and stereotyped).

 

But it has helped me to become stronger.  I am lucky.

Cogito ergo sum
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Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle


@Snowpuppy wrote:

Best blog post I've read in 25 years is out on Thought Catalog regarding self care. It's by Brianna West.

 

She speaks of creating a life you actually want to live instead of a life you're always needing a break from.

 

So the SA's can sell you more stuff sure to dissapoint you. 

 

 


 

Oh my gosh @Snowpuppy! I can't believe you posted this. 

 

All I hear from my brother's family is how they 'need a break'. And they are so very privileged, they have no idea how much.

 

I tire of everyone constantly 'needing a break'. Sure, those living with a lot of illness (theirs or those they love/care for) and other certain situations call for people to get some help/relief from the daily pressure, but most people I know now, need a break every couple of months, and by a break, they mean a full blown, expensive, go away, cost a ton, be gone a week or more, pampering vacation. And that is in between the weekly date night outs, spa weekends, shopping excursions with the girls etc. 

 

Shouldn't be so profound, but it is....a life you actually want to live instead of a life you're always needing a break from!

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Posts: 12,295
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

Re: 'The Quest for Happiness May Be Killing Us' -- David von Drehle

@SilleeMee  I can't imagine the devastation of these suicides.  I am so sorry, my heart is with you.

 


@SilleeMee wrote:

My dad was veteran and he took his own life shortly after he served his last term in VN. The military life took it's toll on him and my family.  I also lost my younger sister to suicide. She killed herself about a year after my mom passed away from cancer. She and my sister were very close. I think my sister just wanted to be with her again. My sister was only 35 when she died. She always used to tell me that she wouldn't live to see 40. I miss them all and may they rip.Heart