Community Chat

[beach-mom]

I have always used Mrs. John Smith, and I still do.

This is not a sympathy card, but I want to address a card to a younger widow whose husband died a while back. Should I still use Mrs. John Smith or should I put Mary Smith? TIA! 

[Goldengate8361]

I would definitely not use Mrs. I suggest her name only or Ms.

[ThinkingOutLoud]

I would use her first and last name.
In today's society, using the formal ('mrs john smth') is for invites to fancy weddings.

[PinkyPetunia]

I am no expert, but if her husband is deceased I don't think she is Mrs. John Smith any longer.  I would use Mary Smith.

[Travone]

I would error on the side of caution and just use Mary Smith.  I would not use Ms because being a widow that might hurt a bit depending on how recent it was.

[tends2dogs]

@beach-mom  I have no idea what is proper, but if I was a widow whose husband had died a while back, I wouldn't be offended in the least to be addressed as Mrs.  On the other hand, I don't care for MS.  Just Mary Smith would be okay, too.  Probably the only wrong address would be Miss.

[chickenbutt]

I tend to agree with most that just her name would be good.

[beach-mom]

Thanks everyone!

The traditional way I've done it is what Emily Post also says: widows as Mrs. John Smith and divorcees as Mrs. Mary Smith. My one SIL has been divorced since her children (now adults) were young and she has always gone by "Mrs" Mary Smith. 

I'm going to address it "Mary Smith." Thanks again. 

[FlowerBear]

Not long ago I had to address an envelope to a widow and looked it up and found this.

Although there are no legal, grammatical, or lexicographical rules governing what courtesy title is "correct" for a widow, in general, when a woman's husband dies, she retains the title of Mrs. So-and-so. ... But, when in doubt, stick with Mrs. — or just ask.

[handygal2]

I would go with Mrs. Mary Smith.