Thanksgiving unfair to Women - Page 8

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@JAXS Mom wrote:
@Allegheny wrote:
I think it depends upon what your family background was. In my family and my husband's, the women did the majority of the meal preparation and house cleaning. The men would help out here and there, but nothing major.

My husband is one that is accustomed to having the women do it all, because that is what his mother did, and his sisters do the same. Does it irk me, yes, but it is what it is.

He already has been talking about all the baking he wants me to do for Christmas and I am already giving him the evil eye. Since he has four sisters who carry on this tradition I am expected to fall in line. It is OK if it is something you love and enjoy doing, but when it becomes almost a mandate then it becomes a chore.
I don't really think it's that. My husband grew up with live in household staff and his mother rarely cooked. He learned to cook, cleaned and did his laundry when he moved out of the house. I think it has more to do with the fact that he lived on his own as an adult. Plus we didn't even meet and get married until he was in his 30s. Unlike my best friend from high school who's husband never had to take care of himself. He moved from mom's house directly to his own with a wife. He can't even make himself a sandwich.

Hi Jax's Mom,

I see your point regarding your DH. I didn't marry my second husband until he was 45. (His mother was in her late 80s). The only time he lived away from home was when he was in the military. He is very capable in cooking for himself, although he has not attempted anything elaborate or an entire holiday meal. I am sure he could do so if he wanted or had to.

He has come a long way in losing his judgemental thinking, regarding what roles are gender specific. In this day and age one almost has to. But he holds strong to his belief that women should lovingly do the cooking, baking, laundry and cleaning for the family unit. Now barbequing that is a man's job in his mind.

He has a hard time understanding why I can't cook meals tasting like his mother's. I tell him I had a different mother, and besides his mother was my grandmother's age, she had many more years of experience.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@TaxyLady wrote:
My husband provides the humor. He just asked what time are we eating. I said "I don't know exactly" (we usually have the dinner in the early afternoon) He said " you should get up earlier." ha ha ha ha

I come from a family where the men were farmers. They worked hard everyday. So I guess I learned to wait on them from my Mom, Grandmother and Aunts. If I had a choice I would probably like to be in the 1950's. It was a better world then.

No, it wasn't a better time back then .... well, maybe it was for the women who enjoyed the slave girl role.

Your complacent attitude is a little scary ..... the lack of respect and power you have in that relationship would never be possible without your agreement.

I know of NO woman who's ever been married that wouldn't admit husbands need to be "trained", for lack of a better word. The fact that you just roll over and go along with being a second class citizen speaks volumes. The problem here isn't the Thanksgiving holiday .... the problem is your dysfunctional relationship. If you really wanted to change things, you could.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

All of our lives are different, and no one in my house ever watches football; hunting is what dominates Thanksgiving here, and the hunters are my daughters.

Growing up, my dad hunted deer on the farm, as well as in a neighboring county with friends who had a cabin there. He was usually gone on Thanksgiving Day, and Mom took us to her parents for our turkey dinner. By the time my dad stopped hunting, my brothers were in the woods, so Mom moved our Thanksgiving meal to Sunday after the holiday.

My girls started hunting in high school, but with the way we feel about turkey and cornbread dressing, I have always cooked a meal for the 4 of us on Thanksgiving Day. I just cook and have it ready by the time the girls come out of the woods, and everyone eats when they are ready. My youngest daughter got her deer 2 days ago, started cutting it up yesterday at the dining room table, and still has a hind quarter left to process. No one else's hands are allowed to touch her deer meat except hers, but she will get this last quarter done before she goes to bed tonight, and I will have my table back tomorrow, which is when my husband gets his parking space back inside the garage.

One of of the things I am always most thankful for, is being able to do what suits our lifestyle, and makes us happy.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@TaxyLady wrote:
My husband provides the humor. He just asked what time are we eating. I said "I don't know exactly" (we usually have the dinner in the early afternoon) He said " you should get up earlier." ha ha ha ha

I come from a family where the men were farmers. They worked hard everyday. So I guess I learned to wait on them from my Mom, Grandmother and Aunts. If I had a choice I would probably like to be in the 1950's. It was a better world then.
No, it wasn't a better time back then .... well, maybe it was for the women who enjoyed the slave girl role.

Your complacent attitude is a little scary ..... the lack of respect and power you have in that relationship would never be possible without your agreement.

I know of NO woman who's ever been married that wouldn't admit husbands need to be "trained", for lack of a better word. The fact that you just roll over and go along with being a second class citizen speaks volumes. The problem here isn't the Thanksgiving holiday .... the problem is your dysfunctional relationship. If you really wanted to change things, you could.

I agree 100% with everything that you have said.

Some people believe that the woman MUST obey her husband and be subservient to him, because that is what their religious beliefs dictate.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@TaxyLady wrote:
My husband provides the humor. He just asked what time are we eating. I said "I don't know exactly" (we usually have the dinner in the early afternoon) He said " you should get up earlier." ha ha ha ha

I come from a family where the men were farmers. They worked hard everyday. So I guess I learned to wait on them from my Mom, Grandmother and Aunts. If I had a choice I would probably like to be in the 1950's. It was a better world then.
No, it wasn't a better time back then .... well, maybe it was for the women who enjoyed the slave girl role.

Your complacent attitude is a little scary ..... the lack of respect and power you have in that relationship would never be possible without your agreement.

I know of NO woman who's ever been married that wouldn't admit husbands need to be "trained", for lack of a better word. The fact that you just roll over and go along with being a second class citizen speaks volumes. The problem here isn't the Thanksgiving holiday .... the problem is your dysfunctional relationship. If you really wanted to change things, you could.

I agree 100% with everything that you have said.

Some people believe that the woman MUST obey her husband and be subservient to him, because that is what their religious beliefs dictate.

Religious beliefs? I know it's true for a few, but I find it very hard to believe that a grown woman with a brain wouldn't realize she has power in her marriage, but it's up to her to take a stand where it's important. People never cease to amaze me.