Thanksgiving unfair to Women - Page 5

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@TaxyLady wrote:
My husband provides the humor. He just asked what time are we eating. I said "I don't know exactly" (we usually have the dinner in the early afternoon) He said " you should get up earlier." ha ha ha ha

I come from a family where the men were farmers. They worked hard everyday. So I guess I learned to wait on them from my Mom, Grandmother and Aunts. If I had a choice I would probably like to be in the 1950's. It was a better world then.

Your second papragraph. Sounds like my Mom's era. I told myself I would be opposite of my mom in the cooking. cleaning and being a SAHM. Sure my dad only worked, but I saw my mom as maid, nanny, and chef. (not too my fun, imo)

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

@baker wrote:
I come from a family where the men and the children were always waited on. All the women work together on a holiday to make a wonderful meal for everyone and of course the women clean everything up afterward. I wonder if that's why the men don't stray and we are married for life! I guess they literally know what side their bread is buttered on.LOL

I wonder how we have been happily-married for 36 years, with him buttering his own bread and all.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@TaxyLady wrote:
I think Thanksgiving is unfair to many married women. It takes several hours to prepare everything while the men are relaxing and talking. Then you finally get the bird in the oven and you must clean up. Then you spend most of your time cooking and preparing the rest of the meal while the men are watching football. Then you have to make sure everything comes out at the same time. Then the men are interrupted from relaxing, talking and cheering their football team to be called to the table to eat. Then after they eat you spend an hour or so cleaning up everything.

I like football. I wish I could relax, talk and cheer my favorite team. Let the men cook the meal. But, then again, if my husband cooked it you would not want to eat it.

I guess I am missing something here ..... just what is preventing you from asking for help? Did this never occur to you?

Of course, it depends on the number of people that will be at the dinner table, but my suggestion is that you stop complaining and DELEGATE ......... everyone gets an assigment, all the way down to toddlers, whose job it can be to, I don't know, makes sure there is toilet paper in the bathroom every couple hours. (Something age appropriate for everyone). No one gets out of a task, even a small one.

If several are coming, make it partially "pot luck" .... people can bring a vegetable, rolls, wine, salad, etc etc. but do specify it should already be prepared and not require cooking at your house, other than a warm up.

Not everything has to be cooked from scratch, unless that's your thing. I once cooked single handedly for 25 people, which I actually wanted to do. I made a buffet with a huge amount of dishes (some were purchased and/or doctored up) so there was a lot to choose from, with one traditional turkey and a second smoked fully cooked turkey. I had several women who wanted to "help" so they all got a cleanup job afterwards ..... one hand washed all the goblets, one handled beverage refills, one did cleanup .... you get the idea. My job was done when everything was placed on the buffet table, and it worked out great.

Women are very good at delegating tasks, so there is no excuse for "doing it all yourself".

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@Allegheny wrote:
I think it depends upon what your family background was. In my family and my husband's, the women did the majority of the meal preparation and house cleaning. The men would help out here and there, but nothing major.

My husband is one that is accustomed to having the women do it all, because that is what his mother did, and his sisters do the same. Does it irk me, yes, but it is what it is.

He already has been talking about all the baking he wants me to do for Christmas and I am already giving him the evil eye. Since he has four sisters who carry on this tradition I am expected to fall in line. It is OK if it is something you love and enjoy doing, but when it becomes almost a mandate then it becomes a chore.

I don't really think it's that. My husband grew up with live in household staff and his mother rarely cooked. He learned to cook, cleaned and did his laundry when he moved out of the house. I think it has more to do with the fact that he lived on his own as an adult. Plus we didn't even meet and get married until he was in his 30s. Unlike my best friend from high school who's husband never had to take care of himself. He moved from mom's house directly to his own with a wife. He can't even make himself a sandwich.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I will stay up late doing pies and other things. My DH gets up before I do and does all my prep work after he has strung the green beans the night before. This morning, he had also washed all the windows!

My DIL will put the dishes in the washer after all the women clear the table. I really don't want men other than DH under foot while I'm trying to get to the next course! Dessert!

A holiday bonus for me has always been that as all of us work together, family histories are told! Love that

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

It could very well be "unfair" to the women who allow it.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

We are going out to eat this year but in the past when I would make the entire feast my DH would help me as much as he was able. He was in the kitchen with me until my Mom would show up and give him the boot.He helped me do the shopping , all the prep and he made a fabulous green bean sweet/sour german style cassarole.

Shawnie · ‎03-10-2010

@momtochloe wrote:
@JAXS Mom wrote:
It's not 1950. If you don't want to cook, don't. If you want them to help clean up, then ask them to.

I married an adult man that knew how to take care of himself before I married him. He used to host Thanksgiving for his roomates. He also knows how to clean. He smokes the turkey outside on the grill, I do everything else, because I want to and enjoy it. I had to get him to let me take over the stuff I like. He even used to make the pumpkin pies every year. He also always helps clean up, and he does his own laundry.

@jaxs mom wow, now that is what I call a keeper . . . any chance he has a single brother? . . . have a wonderful Thanksgiving Jaxs Mom!

Oh, yes @jaxs mom, i am also interested in any genetically identical males. ❤️🙋🏻

sfnative · ‎03-10-2010

My suggestion would be to move forward and purchase your Thanksgiving meal. If my reading serves me correct, I believe Neiman Marcus and Williams-Sonoma will do it all and ship it to you, not to mention local sources you may have.

***

I revel in creating the table of thanks.

Having grown up with many in a specific culture where a woman in the kitchen was considered "base" and beneath them, I feel joy that I am carrying on a tradition of my ancestors, one of whom signed the Declaration of Independence. To not participate in this day of thanks by being a part of creating, with my hands, that which we will share at the table, would be a great personal loss.

Women should no longer function alone in the kitchen, if one cannot afford to purchase out. It's all about training the men in the family: sage advice from my mother-in-law.

NoelSeven · ‎03-09-2010

@TaxyLady wrote:
I think Thanksgiving is unfair to many married women. It takes several hours to prepare everything while the men are relaxing and talking. Then you finally get the bird in the oven and you must clean up. Then you spend most of your time cooking and preparing the rest of the meal while the men are watching football. Then you have to make sure everything comes out at the same time. Then the men are interrupted from relaxing, talking and cheering their football team to be called to the table to eat. Then after they eat you spend an hour or so cleaning up everything.

I like football. I wish I could relax, talk and cheer my favorite team. Let the men cook the meal. But, then again, if my husband cooked it you would not want to eat it.

************************

Thankfully, most modern marriages do not work that way.

Step away from the 50s, there are alternatives.

Pssst... men cook nowadays, and friends and relatives bring side dishes and dessert.

EVERYONE should be on the clean-up crew.

A Thrill Of Hope The Weary World Rejoices