Community Chat

[libbyannE]

We married in mid 1970s and have never subscribed to the sexist division of labor that you describe. Our friends are the same. I think we were pretty typical. What you describe just doesn't resonate with our life experience at all. 

[Bridgegal]

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@libbyannE wrote:

We married in mid 1970s and have never subscribed to the sexist division of labor that you describe. Our friends are the same. I think we were pretty typical. What you describe just doesn't resonate with our life experience at all. 

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      DH and I are both 70 and our friends are about the same age.  For the most part there is no division of labor by sex for any of us either.   As for the holidays, it's usually just the two of us and we both prepare the meal and mainly DH cleans up.   I honestly don't know any couples our age where the woman cooks and cleans up and the man sits.  BTW, I'm the first on the sofa when the football games start.  Go Cowboys.

[Irshgrl31201]

My dad and brother always helped. They didn't do a lot of cooking but they did the setting of the tables and ALL of the dishes. Oh, I take that back. My dad made his moms banana pudding and greens because that man put his foot in some collard greens. His mom taught him how to cook. 

My daughter and her husband are 20 somethings and they have a pretty much equal division of labor. I grew up like that and that is what I taught her to expect. He makes several dishes he loves for Thanksgiving and the men always do the dishes because the women do the majority of the cooking so they go get the alcohol, set up those tables, the others and then make a few dishes so I think that is fair. I actually prefer that because I enjoy cooking and hate dishes.

[VaBelle35]

Growing up, women cooked and cleaned.  Men ate and played cards. 

We have a system in our family that works well and we all work very well together in the kitchen.  Everyone has their role and everyone stays in their lane unless they are asked to help with something or to taste something.  LOL  This goes for table setting, prep, cooking, cleanup and storing leftovers.  When new people are invited, they just get in the way.  We have to shoo them out of the kitchen!

My father liked to make the antipasto spread, complete with raddish roses ;o)  He would spend an entire morning making the trays.

My brother has now taken over the antipasto and also likes to make the salad because my mother has a heavy hand with the vinegar.

Our nieces and nephews all help with setup and cleanup, but they are not much into cooking.  They take direction well.

Also, my nieces and nephews would much prefer to go out to eat on holidays and I'm finding that we are doing this more and more.

[Noel7]

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@libbyannE wrote:

We married in mid 1970s and have never subscribed to the sexist division of labor that you describe. Our friends are the same. I think we were pretty typical. What you describe just doesn't resonate with our life experience at all. 

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@libbyannE

I made a point of saying it was not our generation, I was describing the one before us, or at least my experience with the generation BEFORE us.

[Cakers3]

I don't view it as a sexist division of labor unless the women are told to get busy while the men sip cognac and smoke cigars.

I kind of like the bond of women together; certainly the men participate in our family but they just never load that dishwasher properly.

[chrystaltree]

That's funny.  I would love to say that things have changed since I was a kid and they have changed a little but not by much.  When we are hosting a large crowd, my hubby helps with the cooking but he doesn't actually cook anything and when the games start, my kitchen helper ends up watching football.  It's the women who do the cooking and set the table and serve.  However, hubby does do the clean up.  For the most part.  That's different from the way I grew up when the women did it all.  My girls are 30ish and the division of labor for the holidays and dinners is the same.  I don't think their husbands do the clean up.

[Lucky Charm]

Holiday time is really the only time I need my husband's help in the kitchen or helping me finish cleaning the house beforehand.

I'm a neat freak and a control freak to a fault.  I'd rather make most of the dishes myself.  

My husband usually does the meat outside on the rotisserie.

As far as cleanup, I don't want a dozen dirty dishes coming at me at once in my kitchen.  I'll gladly clear the table towards the end of the meal and load them directly into the dishwasher.

I don't want anyone putting any leftovers away, I can do that myself.

This past weekend, the men headed outside to play with the kids after the meal.  They were riding their little jeeps around and having a grand time.  

If there's a football game on, the men usually are watching it with little ones falling asleep in their arms.

I did almost everything when my kids were little.  All cooking, cleaning, laundry, most yardwork, driving to/from school, baths---all of it.  If I had to do it over again, I would do it exactly the same.  My husband worked his *ask* off and long hours.  I didn't work and what I did do wasn't as nearly as hard as what he did.  He never whined and complained and neither did I.

I can understand that some women don't like to cook or know how to cook.  I can understand that some women don't care to have a clean house and don't have a clean house.  I know women that would never want to stay home all day with their kids, but would rather work.

But that's not me, I enjoy doing those things.  If I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't have done it.

And the last thing I would want to do is join anyone in watching a football game.

[september]

I also have no desire to watch a football game after the Thanksgiving meal, and in my family, we usually go out for a walk (weather dependent).  The exercise and fresh air feels so good after a big meal!

We do become couch potatoes later in the day, and watch something on TV.  But not football. 

[Irshgrl31201]

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@kcladyz wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@kcladyz wrote:

My stepmother had me cut off from my father back in 1997  when she sided with my exhusband in our devorice.  She only met him once and he took it upon himself to call her and  say a bunch of false things  as an act of revenge,  Since then I done  the holidays alone and I am ok with it.  I hated doing all the cooking  for my exhusbands famly  without even a thank you. I remember one thanksgiving I was way too sick too  cook and I was treated with hostility  for I was too weak to cook.  

As a child a few times we bought dinner from a local restaurant. Grocery stores also do it.  They precook it all and you just pick up and pay for it

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@kcladyz wrote:

My stepmother had me cut off from my father back in 1997  when she sided with my exhusband in our devorice.  She only met him once and he took it upon himself to call her and  say a bunch of false things  as an act of revenge,  Since then I done  the holidays alone and I am ok with it.  I hated doing all the cooking  for my exhusbands famly  without even a thank you. I remember one thanksgiving I was way too sick too  cook and I was treated with hostility  for I was too weak to cook.  

As a child a few times we bought dinner from a local restaurant. Grocery stores also do it.  They precook it all and you just pick up and pay for it

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Whoa, @kcladyz  That stepmother was a wicked one.  I hope you pamper yourself on Thanksgiving, you deserve it.

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Ya she was. She turned my father and my siblings against me.  When I was in college she had my father cancel my tuition and  my dorm room and board as soon as they got married and I did not even know her. I like maybe met her twice at that point.  I have no idea why she hated me. So the past 25 years  he only talks to me via email for thats the only way he can talk to me without her finding out, I am 48 and have not been invited home for the holidays since I was 21 years old. He had a heat attack and almost died  last year and noone called me. I found out 6 months after the fact by pure accident

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Wow, I am so sorry @kcladyz, that is literally crazy. It does sound like she is very controlling but how did your father allow that especially when you hadn't even known her and she could talk him into that? Doesn't sound like he had a backbone, did he? I am so sorry you have had to deal with that.