Community Chat

[Noel7]

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@kcladyz wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@kcladyz wrote:

My stepmother had me cut off from my father back in 1997  when she sided with my exhusband in our devorice.  She only met him once and he took it upon himself to call her and  say a bunch of false things  as an act of revenge,  Since then I done  the holidays alone and I am ok with it.  I hated doing all the cooking  for my exhusbands famly  without even a thank you. I remember one thanksgiving I was way too sick too  cook and I was treated with hostility  for I was too weak to cook.  

As a child a few times we bought dinner from a local restaurant. Grocery stores also do it.  They precook it all and you just pick up and pay for it

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@kcladyz wrote:

My stepmother had me cut off from my father back in 1997  when she sided with my exhusband in our devorice.  She only met him once and he took it upon himself to call her and  say a bunch of false things  as an act of revenge,  Since then I done  the holidays alone and I am ok with it.  I hated doing all the cooking  for my exhusbands famly  without even a thank you. I remember one thanksgiving I was way too sick too  cook and I was treated with hostility  for I was too weak to cook.  

As a child a few times we bought dinner from a local restaurant. Grocery stores also do it.  They precook it all and you just pick up and pay for it

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Whoa, @kcladyz  That stepmother was a wicked one.  I hope you pamper yourself on Thanksgiving, you deserve it.

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Ya she was. She turned my father and my siblings against me.  When I was in college she had my father cancel my tuition and  my dorm room and board as soon as they got married and I did not even know her. I like maybe met her twice at that point.  I have no idea why she hated me. So the past 25 years  he only talks to me via email for thats the only way he can talk to me without her finding out, I am 48 and have not been invited home for the holidays since I was 21 years old. He had a heat attack and almost died  last year and noone called me. I found out 6 months after the fact by pure accident

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Unforgivable of them, @kcladyz

[goldensrbest]

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@Noel7 wrote:

Is there still a division of labor on Thanksgiving where women do the cooking and clean up and men watch football?

How do you and your friends handle it?

When I was a kid, my mother and aunts did all the cooking, set the table and did clean up. The uncles and my father watched football.  After dinner, my aunts would call me in to the kitchen and show me how to clear plates.  I remember thinking it was unfair because all my cousins were boys with the freedom of playing outside.

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I long for those times, that is the way it was done ,when i got married and we lived away from family ,i did it all myself,because i wanted to .

[sunshine45]

mostly the women help with the cleanup. some of the men will scrape a nd then take their plates to the sink when finished. it works out fine that way. it becomes a headache when the men start asking where the containers are and where to put the leftovers.

[Noel7]

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@Annabellethecat66 wrote:

My daughter still grocery shops some but he REALLY likes to go.

They have very active children in a lot of things and they split up who's going where.

It's amazing the things they have to do that my late husband and I didn't.  We were very hands on too, but it was a different time.

It helps that my son-in-law knows everything about computers, etc and they have rules about movies, etc.  

We did that too.  We started out from the beginning and if you make sure the rules are understood.....no trouble.  

I was a stay-at-home mom and so is my other married daughter.  My daughters are like me.  I loved to mow the lawn, work outside, paint, you name it, I did it.  

That said, I used to host these enormous Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas (July, Father's Day) because my late husband loved doing it.  We'd have as many as 55-60 people at our house for Thanksgiving.  I did all of it.  I did not clean it up.  My sister-in-law and a few other's cleaned it up.

I didn't mind it because my husband loved doing it so much.  He did zip preparing for it.  Ha!  Funny story real quick....so once to get him out of my hair I said, "Honey!  Please go outside and clean off the lawn chairs for the 4th of July party".  So he was so proud of himself...comes in, so happy.

Everyone comes, friends, neighbors, everyone.  Suddenly someone says to a neighbor (a good friend of mine), "Joy!  What's that on your shorts?  You have big white stripes across the butt".  

It seems like my husband used bleach to clean the lawn hairs (which were white bands across the seats).  She probably sweat or could have gotten the seat wet with the water balloons.....the bleach turned her green shorts white stripes.  We still joke about those shorts.  She always said, "Tell your husband he owes me a pair of shorts".

From then on he was only allowed to clean with a little soap and water!

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@Annabellethecat66

I can't even imaging having 55 to 60 people for dinner in my house

I did put on a dinner for 200 at church once.

[GCR18]

Growing up, I stayed with the men while my sister and the women cooked.  I've often thought that's why I didn't learn to cook more than the basics.  I did however, do all the cleanup while everyone lingered around the table.  Things haven't changed.  My sister's ex husband and son never helped with anything.  

[Noel7]

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@Nancy Drew wrote:

I came from a family where my grandpa would cook, my grandma would take out the trash. My parents were pretty traditional but if there was a job to do it was who ever handy at the moment. Then there is my other grandma who was a glamour puss who wouldn’t lift a finger except to raise her martini glass. My husband fills in to help and never complains. I have been lucky to see my son and daughter in law share chores also.

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That's really nice @Nancy Drew  It's a little early, but Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours

[Noel7]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

mostly the women help with the cleanup. some of the men will scrape a nd then take their plates to the sink when finished. it works out fine that way. it becomes a headache when the men start asking where the containers are and where to put the leftovers.

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Well, the guys tried, lol @sunshine45

[Nancy Drew]

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@kcladyz wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@kcladyz wrote:

My stepmother had me cut off from my father back in 1997  when she sided with my exhusband in our devorice.  She only met him once and he took it upon himself to call her and  say a bunch of false things  as an act of revenge,  Since then I done  the holidays alone and I am ok with it.  I hated doing all the cooking  for my exhusbands famly  without even a thank you. I remember one thanksgiving I was way too sick too  cook and I was treated with hostility  for I was too weak to cook.  

As a child a few times we bought dinner from a local restaurant. Grocery stores also do it.  They precook it all and you just pick up and pay for it

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@kcladyz wrote:

My stepmother had me cut off from my father back in 1997  when she sided with my exhusband in our devorice.  She only met him once and he took it upon himself to call her and  say a bunch of false things  as an act of revenge,  Since then I done  the holidays alone and I am ok with it.  I hated doing all the cooking  for my exhusbands famly  without even a thank you. I remember one thanksgiving I was way too sick too  cook and I was treated with hostility  for I was too weak to cook.  

As a child a few times we bought dinner from a local restaurant. Grocery stores also do it.  They precook it all and you just pick up and pay for it

---

Whoa, @kcladyz  That stepmother was a wicked one.  I hope you pamper yourself on Thanksgiving, you deserve it.

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Ya she was. She turned my father and my siblings against me.  When I was in college she had my father cancel my tuition and  my dorm room and board as soon as they got married and I did not even know her. I like maybe met her twice at that point.  I have no idea why she hated me. So the past 25 years  he only talks to me via email for thats the only way he can talk to me without her finding out, I am 48 and have not been invited home for the holidays since I was 21 years old. He had a heat attack and almost died  last year and noone called me. I found out 6 months after the fact by pure accident

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You have had the unfortunate luck of having a narcissistic step mother. She doesn’t hate you. She hates herself.

[Noel7]

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@GCR18 wrote:

Growing up, I stayed with the men while my sister and the women cooked.  I've often thought that's why I didn't learn to cook more than the basics.  I did however, do all the cleanup while everyone lingered around the table.  Things haven't changed.  My sister's ex husband and son never helped with anything.  

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@GCR18

I didn't learn how to cook, either.  My mother was so good at cooking, she had no patience in teaching me.  I didn't learn much until I got married and it was a matter of necessity for both DH and me.

[sunshine45]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

mostly the women help with the cleanup. some of the men will scrape a nd then take their plates to the sink when finished. it works out fine that way. it becomes a headache when the men start asking where the containers are and where to put the leftovers.

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Well, the guys tried, lol @sunshine45

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@Noel7

it really was probably a one time try. LOL

it is absolutely fine with me. i prefer to be in the kitchen with my mom and daughters and WE share the responsibilities of prep, cooking, and clean up. as long as i have a martini when i am doing all of that then it works out well.

i honestly look forward to the hustle and bustle of the upcoming holidays.