Community Chat

[susankate]

My older sister said this would happen, but I still held out hope that my grandson would be different. When my grandson started high school last year, he began to pull away from my husband and me. Understand that our relationship with him was always very close. We kept him a lot when his parents worked, and he has always wanted to be around us. However, he has lately gotten to where he is in own world and doesn’t really need us. OUCH! I’ve heard this is normal, but it doesn’t make it easier. Anyone out there going/gone through this? It would just help to know someone else has had to go through this.

[TheWanderingOne]

Yes.

I don't have kids, but I've always been very close to my nephews. 

Once they got to be teenagers, those Friday night sleepovers and calls for rides to Grandma's house or the batting cages got to be fewer and fewer. 

They're not necessarily pulling away. They're widening their horizons and naturally are more interested in their circle of friends. 

Keep going to every sporting event, school play or concert that you can. Say hello and let them know how proud you are to be there. Don't force the public hugs and kisses. They're growing up. It's what they are supposed to do. 

You'll get past it. My nephews are now grown men in their 30's and we have great relationships. Both text me regularly about almost anything. The one that still lives in our home town makes a point of playing golf with me once a week. The one that lives out of town calls me every weekend and we chat for a couple of hours.

[jlkz]

@susankate 

As your sister has forewarned you, it would happen because this is part of the normal development of a child transitioning into an individual.  It is a slow process and the child needs to " separate " in order to grow and discover who they are as a person.

Hopefully, you want your grandson to grow into a well-developed person who can love and appreciate all those those who were there for them in their formative years.

I am sure compassionate posters will share with you their experiences.  To put your mind at ease, try to ask your local librarian ( or Google ) for a very good book on exiting childhood.

Change is coming, while good it is still hurting your heart.  Let the growth happen and you will have an adult grandson who still loves you.

[Mombo1]

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@susankate wrote:
My older sister said this would happen, but I still held out hope that my grandson would be different. When my grandson started high school last year, he began to pull away from my husband and me. Understand that our relationship with him was always very close. We kept him a lot when his parents worked, and he has always wanted to be around us. However, he has lately gotten to where he is in own world and doesn’t really need us. OUCH! I’ve heard this is normal, but it doesn’t make it easier. Anyone out there going/gone through this? It would just help to know someone else has had to go through this.

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@susankate   I have an eleven old granddaughter.  I always say she is "eleven going on twenty.".  Once she started middle school...I saw the change coming.  She is very involved in sports and dance.  She has a large group of friends that she wants to spend time with.  We do go shopping together and I spend as much time as I can with her, but her friends and activities take up most of her time.  It's hard to see grandkids grow up so quickly, but I'm thankful that she is an excellent student that has learned to manage her time well.  I do have two more younger granddaughters that still want to spend time with me...so I am enjoying these years as well.  So...I understand how you feel.  

[Lakelife62]

So very normal and has happened with all of my grandchildren once they hit 12 or 13 years old. It hurts, but it's not personal and just their way of detaching from the ever present love and acceptance of family and testing the waters of the real world. At that age, the opinion of their friends is much more important than yours.

Rest assured, the lessons you've taught, the love you've given is still inside their heart and they will come back around when they have gained their wings and flying is easy.

Hang in there, grandma!

[Carmie]

Yes, this is normal.  I have an almost 16 year old grandson.  He occasionally has to stay over when his parents  are out of town.

You would never know that he is here.  He goes to the guest bedroom and stays there.  He only comes out to get something to eat.  He always has me make him homemade waffles for breakfast, but other than that he doesn't eat much.....except for junk food.

When I ask him questions, I get one word answers.  He used to be a talker and I would take him places with me.  He was a delight to be around.

I also have two granddaughters.  They were always close with me, but in high school they were always too busy to come around often.

Now that they are in college, they e-mail me and call and they visit when they are home.  They ask me to make their favorite foods and they get care packages to take back to school with them

They also bring their friends and boy friends around. My house is full with college age kids a few times a year and  they come to our summer place too. 

Just about all kids do this.  Keep your door open.  They will be back, especially when they are away and miss the comforts of home.

[Mz iMac]

With my oldest now adult grandson it was the opposite.  All my grands are spread all over the USofA, none live close.  Every summer he spent 1/2 of summer w/Nana.

After he turned 16 I told him he could no longer spend the summer w/me w/a bunch of seniors.  So I shipped him to his favorite uncle (my single baby brother) house who just happened to live 3 blocks from the beach in a shore town where the female teenage ratio was 99 females to 1 male.  

I had to remind my grandson I was too young to be a GREAT grandmother.

Now my other male grandchildren can't wait till they turn 16.

[Tori3569]

I have no kids of my own but am very close to my 2 nephews and nieces who are all grown up now, 2 with their own children & 2 live very far away.  

I am 12 years older than my oldest nephew so we were like siblings.  When he was around 12 or 13 he started being like every other teen and friends, etc became more important.

 Since we were relatively close in age given our relationship, I knew to give him space and most importantly not ask a million questions or try to make small talk when I did see him.  I hated when relatives did that to me and understood how it feels as a teenager.  

As a result, I'm the one in the family all 4 of my "kids" turn to for almost everything and I have remained very close with them. 

[susankate]

Guys, you have no idea how much you have helped me!!!! Just to have each of you describe your journeys has blessed my soul! I appreciate all the input. Thx so much!

[Mersha]

@susankate   It is perfectly normal for a grandchild in high school to be preoccupied with things other than their grandparents.  He will always love you and cherish your relationship but things are changing in their lives on the journey to adulthood. This is a very good thing.

They will be interested in new friends, new ideas, sports, entertainment, and dating.  My older grandchildren did the same thing when they entered high school.

My grandson will be a sophomore in college in the fall and he has all of the above interests in addition to many more.

I tell them we love them very much and if they need help with anything, let us know.  I treasure the moments I spent with them when they were young but things change.

Be thankful your grandson is on the path to becoming an adult.  You will both be fine.