Community Chat

[Perkup]

I've been widowed twice, and the experiences afterward have been the same each time.  You suddenly find that you are the 5th wheel in most social situations.  I've never quite understood why, but either others view you as competition now that you're single, or that they are just plain uncomfortable being with half of what they were comfortable with.  I've talked this out with women and men who have been left alone, and they all say they have experienced the same reactions - at least for a while. Then it becomes more or less a permanent thing.  I've heard it in grief counseling groups, and from individual friends and acquaintances through the years. A current grief counseling group I am involved with just spent a whole session on this issue.  As one woman put it - rather nicely I think - "I am still me, but I'm not part of we anymore".

IMHO, the two couples involved here are selfish, thoughtless and careless with their friends feelings.  These two women are grieving the loss of their life partners and one of the last things they need are giving and receiving material gifts. What they need are the gifts of friends' time, love, consideration and caring.  I would be inclined to dump the two couples.  Just me, but I've walked the path that your widowed friends are now walking and you can't understand this pain until you've been there.