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09-21-2016 03:30 PM
For 25 years have enjoyed a dinner group that started with 4 couples. We meet every other month & rotate whose house to meet at for cocktails & snacks before gpong out to a nice restaurant chosen by the hosts. We are now down to 2 couples and 2 widows who recently lost their husbands. The holidays will be difficult for them. The past 25 years we have exchanged small gifts. No one in this group "needs" anything and the widows have expressed it would be easier "emotionally" to give up this tradition. The couples who still have each other seem "resisent" to any change. Do they just not realize the holidays will never be the same for the widows?
What would you do ?
09-21-2016 03:35 PM
i'm on the widows side on this one. they all all are going to be there someday and should show more compassion and sympathy towards their friends.
09-21-2016 03:37 PM
I'm also with the widows. Totally guessing but they could also be on a tighter budget since losing their spouse and asking to end the tradition would just make it easier all the way around for them.
09-21-2016 03:39 PM
Listen to them they know better than anyone where their heart is right now. In a few years it may be they are ready but for now they are not strong enough to do all without the loves of their lives.
09-21-2016 03:40 PM
@shoptheQ wrote:For 25 years have enjoyed a dinner group that started with 4 couples. We meet every other month & rotate whose house to meet at for cocktails & snacks before gpong out to a nice restaurant chosen by the hosts. We are now down to 2 couples and 2 widows who recently lost their husbands. The holidays will be difficult for them. The past 25 years we have exchanged small gifts. No one in this group "needs" anything and the widows have expressed it would be easier "emotionally" to give up this tradition. The couples who still have each other seem "resisent" to any change. Do they just not realize the holidays will never be the same for the widows?
What would you do ?
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I would suggest the two couples do it on their own, not in front of the ladies for whom it would cause pain.
09-21-2016 03:41 PM - edited 09-21-2016 03:43 PM
It's not clear to me what the widows are objecting to and why. Do they not want to exchange gifts? Do they want to dispense with the holiday season dinner altogether? Is there something they'd rather do as a group instead?
If they recently lost their husbands, the holidays will be difficult for them. What can the rest of your group do to make it better for them? Just leaving them home alone might not be the best option. Think about how you can help them this season.
09-21-2016 03:42 PM
@Noel7 wrote:
@shoptheQ wrote:For 25 years have enjoyed a dinner group that started with 4 couples. We meet every other month & rotate whose house to meet at for cocktails & snacks before gpong out to a nice restaurant chosen by the hosts. We are now down to 2 couples and 2 widows who recently lost their husbands. The holidays will be difficult for them. The past 25 years we have exchanged small gifts. No one in this group "needs" anything and the widows have expressed it would be easier "emotionally" to give up this tradition. The couples who still have each other seem "resisent" to any change. Do they just not realize the holidays will never be the same for the widows?
What would you do ?
*********************************
I would suggest the two couples do it on their own, not in front of the ladies for whom it would cause pain.
I second this excellent idea!!
09-21-2016 03:43 PM
Why can't the widows drop out and the other two couples carry on?
09-21-2016 03:44 PM
The widows want to give up the gift-giving tradition? If that's how they feel, their wishes should be respected. Maybe the two couples can exchange gifts amongst themselves.
Do the widows want to do away with meeting for dinner too? I am unclear about that.
09-21-2016 03:44 PM - edited 09-21-2016 03:48 PM
@shoptheQ wrote:For 25 years have enjoyed a dinner group that started with 4 couples. We meet every other month & rotate whose house to meet at for cocktails & snacks before gpong out to a nice restaurant chosen by the hosts. We are now down to 2 couples and 2 widows who recently lost their husbands. The holidays will be difficult for them. The past 25 years we have exchanged small gifts. No one in this group "needs" anything and the widows have expressed it would be easier "emotionally" to give up this tradition. The couples who still have each other seem "resisent" to any change. Do they just not realize the holidays will never be the same for the widows?
What would you do ?
Think they just need to sit down and be honest with each other. Those who are 'resistent' may just be trying to keep thing normal (and fun) for the widows by keeping up the tradition. Rather than giving it up, why not come up with a new one. Something everyone can enjoy.
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