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Valued Contributor
Posts: 969
Registered: ‎09-10-2010

TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???

For 25 years have enjoyed a dinner group that started with 4 couples. We meet every other month & rotate whose house to meet at for cocktails & snacks before gpong out to a nice restaurant chosen by the hosts. We are now down to 2 couples and 2 widows who recently lost their husbands. The holidays will be difficult for them.  The past 25 years we have exchanged small gifts. No one in this group "needs" anything and the widows have expressed it would be easier "emotionally" to give up this tradition.  The couples who still have each other seem "resisent" to any change.  Do they just not realize the holidays will never be the same for the widows?  

 

What would you do ? 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,812
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???

i'm on the widows side on this one.  they all all are going to be there someday and should show more compassion and sympathy towards their friends.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,006
Registered: ‎06-09-2014

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???

I'm also with the widows.  Totally guessing but they could also be on a tighter budget since losing their spouse and asking to end the tradition would just make it easier all the way around for them.  

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,012
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???

Listen to them they know better than anyone where their heart is right now.  In a few years it may be they are ready but for now they are not strong enough to do all without the loves of their lives.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,752
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???


@shoptheQ wrote:

For 25 years have enjoyed a dinner group that started with 4 couples. We meet every other month & rotate whose house to meet at for cocktails & snacks before gpong out to a nice restaurant chosen by the hosts. We are now down to 2 couples and 2 widows who recently lost their husbands. The holidays will be difficult for them.  The past 25 years we have exchanged small gifts. No one in this group "needs" anything and the widows have expressed it would be easier "emotionally" to give up this tradition.  The couples who still have each other seem "resisent" to any change.  Do they just not realize the holidays will never be the same for the widows?  

 

What would you do ? 


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I would suggest the two couples do it on their own, not in front of the ladies for whom it would cause pain.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,570
Registered: ‎09-13-2012

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???

[ Edited ]

It's not clear to me what the widows are objecting to and why.  Do they not want to exchange gifts?  Do they want to dispense with the holiday season dinner altogether?  Is there something they'd rather do as a group instead?

 

If they recently lost their husbands, the holidays will be difficult for them.  What can the rest of your group do to make it better for them?  Just leaving them home alone might not be the best option.  Think about how you can help them this season.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,006
Registered: ‎06-09-2014

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???


@Noel7 wrote:

@shoptheQ wrote:

For 25 years have enjoyed a dinner group that started with 4 couples. We meet every other month & rotate whose house to meet at for cocktails & snacks before gpong out to a nice restaurant chosen by the hosts. We are now down to 2 couples and 2 widows who recently lost their husbands. The holidays will be difficult for them.  The past 25 years we have exchanged small gifts. No one in this group "needs" anything and the widows have expressed it would be easier "emotionally" to give up this tradition.  The couples who still have each other seem "resisent" to any change.  Do they just not realize the holidays will never be the same for the widows?  

 

What would you do ? 


*********************************

 

I would suggest the two couples do it on their own, not in front of the ladies for whom it would cause pain.


I second this excellent idea!! 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,143
Registered: ‎04-18-2012

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???

Why can't the widows drop out and the other two couples carry on? 

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,087
Registered: ‎03-10-2016

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???

The widows want to give up the gift-giving tradition?   If that's how they feel, their wishes should be respected.   Maybe the two couples can exchange gifts amongst themselves.  

 

Do the widows want to do away with meeting for dinner too?   I am unclear about that. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,892
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: TIME TO CHANGE TRADITION ???

[ Edited ]

@shoptheQ wrote:

For 25 years have enjoyed a dinner group that started with 4 couples. We meet every other month & rotate whose house to meet at for cocktails & snacks before gpong out to a nice restaurant chosen by the hosts. We are now down to 2 couples and 2 widows who recently lost their husbands. The holidays will be difficult for them.  The past 25 years we have exchanged small gifts. No one in this group "needs" anything and the widows have expressed it would be easier "emotionally" to give up this tradition.  The couples who still have each other seem "resisent" to any change.  Do they just not realize the holidays will never be the same for the widows?  

 

What would you do ? 


Think they just need to sit down and be honest with each other.  Those who are 'resistent' may just be trying to keep thing normal (and fun) for the widows by keeping up the tradition.  Rather than giving it up, why not come up with a new one.  Something everyone can enjoy.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.