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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,696
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

TIME FOR SOME JOKES AND LAUGHTER

   Part One

 

1.  According to most studies, peoples number one fear is public speaking.  Number two is death.  Death is number two?  Does that seem right?

 

2.   Not sure which is harder on a relationship.  Sharing a dresser for three years or sharing an iPhone charger for one day.

 

3.   You can fail at what you don't want - so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love.

 

4.   Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.

 

5.   When your children are teenagers it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

 

6.   I admit I live in the past, but only because housing is so much cheaper.

 

7.   One of my biggest fears is that I'll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays.

 

8.   Mapquest really needs to start its directions on number five.  Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

 

9.   My parents said marrying was an optimistic thing to do in pessimistic times.

 

10.   If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.

 

11.   Sometimes you lie in bed at night and don't have a single thing to worry about.  That always worries me.

 

12.   My father always said, "Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their bookshelf."

 

13.   I'm thinking of opening a firing range where all the targets are shaped like computers with screens full of  pop-up ads.

 

14.   My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of The Lone Ranger.

 

15.   I won't go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I've felt to home.

 

16.  Bigamy is having too many husbands.  Monogamy is the same!

 

17.   You know there's a problem when you realize that out of the three R's, only one begins with an R.

 

 

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
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Super Contributor
Posts: 300
Registered: ‎09-18-2019

Re: TIME FOR SOME JOKES AND LAUGHTER

🤣😅  these are great!!